It’s the most wonderful time of the year… or is it? If Christmas with the family feels more like a festive trial than a time of peace, love and joy, you’re not alone.
But never fear, we spoke to the experts on dealing with festive family issues, so you can go forth and be merry with these five simple rules…
Even if you’re a success at home and work, just 10 minutes at your parents’ house can be enough to bring out your inner brat. Life coach Kate Roberts says: “The most important thing is to remind yourself of who you are now... And try to maintain that sense of self as you go into these family interactions.”
1. Don’t be a child
“When arguments about politics happen, it’s often because people are entrenched in their camps and unwilling to listen,” says Clare Flaxen, a cognitive behavioural therapist. Try to take the personal out of these debates and see them as an interesting discussion, with room for different points of view.
2. Find your inner diplomat
It can unfairly fall to the same person to do all the present buying, cooking, cleaning and everything in between. If that’s you, speak up and make sure everyone chips in - and set firm boundaries on what you are and aren’t willing to do.
3. Share the load
If your family is judgemental about how you parent and throws around words like “spoilt” when it comes to presents, it can lead to a tense time. First, ask your relative to talk to you privately rather than in front of your child if they have a problem. If that fails, Clare says: “Say something back – it can be powerful for a child to see their parents standing up for them.”
4. Unleash your tiger mum
If the mere thought of festivities with the family makes you feel ill, you can make different plans. “It’s OK to choose not to spend Christmas with your family – you can opt out,” says Kate. "Your family may respond with disappointment, try to convince you to do otherwise or be angry. But it’s your decision to make, and you’re not doing anything wrong in prioritising your needs.”
5. Put yourself first