Former boxing boss Kellie Maloney attempted suicide after mixing with the wrong friends made her doubt her transition
ANGUISHED Kellie Maloney has told how her shock suicide bid came after breaking down in tears while recalling her “amazing” life as a top boxing promoter Frank.
Kellie made millions and mixed with some of the world’s biggest stars as boxing’s Frank before her transition.
She said she now has no regrets about the choice — announced in 2014 — but fell into a dark place after meeting someone who put doubts in her mind.
Combined with a struggle to find companionship, she turned to alcohol to numb her pain. One night she downed tablets including dog painkillers and collapsed — waking to find herself restrained to a hospital bed.
Now recovering after therapy, she admitted she has not even shared full details about the dramatic bid with her three daughters.
Speaking at a new home in Portugal’s Algarve, the ex-Celebrity Big Brother star admitted: “As Frank I could have what I wanted.
'WHAT HAVE I DONE'
"As Kellie I can’t do that, I’m totally different. I’m a softer person. But it was a sense of despair that I’d given up that amazing life. I was lost.”
Kellie, who admitted she still grapples with her sexuality, had been lifted by a string of promising dinner dates.
But revealing the details of her past after the meal sparked abuse and anger from some male suitors — and discomfort or confusion from others.
She said she started drinking heavily, mixing with the wrong crowd and was “slowly losing control of my life”.
She added: “I was going through three bottles of wine a night. One evening it just all got too much. I went to a local restaurant and sat there crying.
“I felt like I’d really messed up my whole life, and even worse my daughters’ lives. That night I kept on drinking when I got home.”
A loyal friend Jan — not the person who sent her into a spiral — was staying with her at the time.
Kellie added: “She asked what was up but I said nothing. I just took myself to my room and went to bed.
It was a sense of despair that I’d given up that amazing life, I was lost
Kellie Maloney
“I woke in the night and all I could do was cry. I thought, ‘What have I done? I’ve got nothing in my life any more’. By this time Frank has gone.
“I’ve lost that, but it was regret over all of the sacrifices that had come with it. I never had to queue up to get in somewhere, I could pick up the phone and say ‘It’s Frank Maloney’ and things would happen. It was nice.”
“I never wanted for company. I know it sounds silly and a lot of those people weren’t genuine. I lay there that night and I was looking at pictures of Frank — I still have some on my phone.
"And I was looking at pictures of Kellie. I could see Kellie had a smile which Frank never had, but for some reason there was still something missing.
Operation turmoil
KELLIE has had several operations including a botched facial surgery which almost cost her life.
She explained: “I’ve undergone all of the surgery that I’m going to.
"If I took off all my clothes right now, I am a woman.
"Not a biological woman perhaps, not on the inside, but a medically created woman.
"On the outside my body is what I always felt it should have been.”
She added: “If I hadn’t transitioned I don’t think I’d be here now either. I was beating Frank up every day. So I don’t think this was a choice.
“I don’t regret my transitioning but I just couldn’t handle things at that time.”
“I was wondering, ‘How could Frank do all these things and get people in his life while Kellie — who is a nicer person — can’t have anyone in her life and will never meet anyone to share her life with.
“So I just thought, I don’t want to live this lonely life any more. I had a good life, but I just felt empty, and when you’re lying in a room, it’s dark, you’re flicking through photos on a telephone, you’re quite drunk then suddenly you think there’s an easy way out.
“I don’t even know what tablets I was taking — anything I could find. I actually even took some painkillers which were for my dogs.
“The next thing I knew I’d run out of drink, so I went to the kitchen and took another bottle from the fridge. Jan heard and came to check on me. She watched as I bent down to pat the dog and say goodbye to him, before I just passed out, collapsed and fell to the floor.”
'EASY WAY OUT'
Kellie was rushed to A&E where doctors tried to stabilise her. One of her daughters who had flown out from the UK watched on tearfully — unaware of how bad Kellie felt emotionally.
Days later Kellie was moved to a psychiatric hospital and encouraged to start a 15-week course of therapy to help overcome her demons.
She has since sold the villa, saying she was very lucky that someone took it off her hands within a matter of weeks. And in May she moved to a new home, set in the hills above Faro.
Sat by the pool, Kellie added: “The psychiatric hospital was so frightening. It was Victorian and some of the other patients were like zombies.
“One just stared at me and ran his thumb across his throat. It was terrifying. I was desperate to leave as soon as possible.”
She admits that even now, the “dark cloud” which prompted her suicide attempt could return at any time.
She added: “It’s about how I deal with them. That’s what I’ve got under control. I still struggle with my sexuality — and I probably always will. I’ve never woken up next to somebody as Kellie.
"I still don’t really know if I want to meet a male or a female partner — and I struggle with being accepted by some men. But I know that I do have a good life compared to many other trans people.”
I just thought, I don’t want to live this lonely life any more... I just felt empty
Kellie Maloney
As Frank, she became one of the biggest names in the boxing world, managing Lennox Lewis who became undisputed heavyweight champion of the world in 2000.
The pair made millions together and dominated the scene, but have rarely spoken since with Kellie admitting the relationship was “really a business arrangement” — but insisting there are no hard feelings.
Others in the boxing world have been more outspoken, with several prominent figures mocking Kellie since her transition, prompting her to distance herself from the sport.
Kellie explained: “I’ve cut certain people out of my life and I moved here in May because, after what happened, I just didn’t feel comfortable at my previous place.
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“I was lucky I was able to sell it so quickly and now this feels like home. It’s away from the world and I’m back on track. I was bottling things up, not talking, and looking to alcohol.
“I was frightened to tell people how I felt. I was drinking, saying stupid things, living my life through a wine bottle. I think it’s always going to be in my mind that this could happen again.
“But I realise now that if I ever get to that stage again I have to pick up the phone and talk to someone.
WHERE TO GET HELP
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, , 0800 585 858
- Heads Together,
- Mind, , 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus,, 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans, , 116 123
- GOT a story? Ring The Sun on 0207 782 4104 or WHATSAPP on 07423720250 or email [email protected].