Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is glorious to look at – but it’s also chaotic and difficult to keep up with
Luc Besson's take on this comic book series was years in the making with no expense spared
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
(12A) 137mins
LUC BESSON’S take on this comic book series was years in the making, with no expense spared.
It delivers on an epic scale and is glorious to look at, but is so chaotic and wrapped up in its own legend it feels like reading Philip K Dick while strapped upside down to a rollercoaster. In other words, quite difficult to keep up.
Set in the 28th century, special ops duo Valerian (Dane DeHaan) and Laureline (Cara Delevingne) go on a mission to Alpha (a city containing every species of everything ever) where a mysterious force is threatening the whole universe.
Besson’s ability to create worlds is undeniable — there is such a plethora of aliens within the first two minutes, his stall becomes a multi-storey car park and moat.
It’s difficult to know where to begin. You’re aware you’re watching something epic and you really do like everything you see, from the Star Wars Cantina-style aliens to the Avatar-esque landscapes.
But people keep saying and doing things all the way through it that make absolutely no sense. Just when you think you’ve got a handle on it, it’s turned on a sixpence and you’re left wondering what is so sacred about an armadillo sweating and crapping magic pearls (this actually happens).
By the time Ethan Hawke turns up wearing a cowboy hat and a nose ring going by the name of Jolly The Pimp you’ll think someone slipped something in your drink.
There are some nice ideas done effectively — a whole escape sequence riffing on a parallel timeline type scenario is brilliant, exciting and mind bogglingly clever, but those moments are too few.
Cast-wise, as you’d expect when Luc Besson phones, it doesn’t ring for long.
He has his pick here, but they shine from unexpected places.
Dane DeHaan is perfectly fine as the hero.
Rihanna crops up about two-thirds of the way through and just about rises above a celeb cameo with Bubble, the alien stripper (I know).
Surprisingly, Cara Delevingne is the strongest of the lot.
I had her down as a complete dud before seeing this, but I take it back.
For all the awfulness of her Suicide Squad role, she is convincing, cool and kick-ass here. Don’t write her off.
This is great universe building stuff.
It’s gloriously bonkers, looks incredible and is probably the role that will set Cara up for a decent acting career but I can’t explain what I’ve just seen.
It’s chaotic, confusing, unnecessarily jam-packed and weirdly old-fashioned.
Out of all the planets featured, I can’t work out which one Luc was on.
Worth seeing, but send the plot on a postcard to the usual address please.
(3.5★/5)
