Charlotte Crosby reveals battle with depression as she struggled to cope with ectopic pregnancy and ex Gaz Beadle cheating on her
CHARLOTTE Crosby has spoken for the first time about her battle depression which she describes as “the most intense feeling” she ever had.
The Geordie Shore star almost died in April 2016 due to an ectopic pregnancy and soon after discovered that the father of her miscarried baby Gaz Beadle had cheated on her - while she was going through the ordeal.
In her diarised autobiography, Brand New Me, Charlotte reveals that she spoke to a psychiatrist following the trauma of losing her baby and initially keeping it secret that sparked her depression.
She writes: “It’s still so raw, I’ve known the psychiatrist a while because he worked with us on Geordie Shore and I had to speak to him before Celebrity Big Brother too.
“[My agent] Kate said I need to talk everything through because I have a lot to deal with. I keep going through these waves of depression.
“Sometimes I feel like everything is getting on top of me and it’s hard not feeling able to tell the truth. It’s difficult enough anyway, but if any normal person went through this they would have loads of people to talk to about it and they wouldn’t feel the need to hide it from the world.
“Everyone would be more sympathetic because they would know what happened. And a normal person wouldn’t have to watch the man who was the father of their baby having sex with someone else on TV…
“I’ve felt sad before and I’ve been heartbroken and I’ve been stressed and I’ve thought I was a little bit depressed at times but this is all of those feelings jumbled together times a hundred. It’s the most intense feeling I’ve ever had.
“I’ve never experienced anything that compares to these thoughts and emotions I’m having now. I don’t know how to deal with it. I have so many scenarios going on in my head: the fact that I just lost a child, the fact that Gary isn’t there for us to help me cope with losing a child, the fact that I am still in love with him but he’s been off doing stuff with other girls.
“How am I going to feel when he gets out? What if he texts me and tries to bring it all up again? All these scenarios playing out in my brain. Every day I have been crying.”
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Charlotte’s drama with Gary continued to play out in the press and on social media and she even quit Geordie Shore so she wouldn’t need to see him anymore - but speaking to her psychiatrist helped her push through the pain.
She continued: “Speaking to the psychiatrist has made me realise I am depressed. He made me feel so much better.
“It’s the first time I understood people have to go through therapy. Most of the time we speak on the phone. He talks so much sense and makes me feel like it’s going to be OK.
“I keep wondering how I am going to cope and he helps me understand it all and seem so much more logical.”
Nowadays Charlotte is feeling happier and has found love with CBB winner Stephen Bear who she des as “the funniest, most gorgeous, sexiest, kindest person I have ever met” — and her best friend.
She says: “I think we’re gonna get married. We can’t leave each other’s side. This must be what having a soulmate is like. I am so happy.”
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