The Mummy is a dead loss despite Tom Cruise bringing Risky Business-era bravado
Blockbuster suffers from special-effects overkill and one of Russell Crowe's dodgy English voices
(12A) 81 mins
THERE are several signs a movie is bad.
Russell Crowe attempting a “Cockernee” accent, obvious computer-generated explosions and me drifting off to thoughts of booking a summer holiday during the supposedly dramatic climax.
Even worse, for a horror movie about a face-licking 5,000-year-old mummy, the title monster is so not-scary I would still consider Egypt as a destination.
So what went wrong with the first movie in Universal Pictures’ Dark Universe, which will link and update characters in their classic monster movie output, such as Dr Jekyll, Frankenstein and the Invisible Man?
It is nothing to do with star Tom Cruise, giving us Risky Business-era bravado mixed with Mission: Impossible stunts.
He plays treasure-hunting US soldier Nick Morton, who accidentally releases the murderous mummy Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella) from a tomb in Iraq.
Naturally, Nick finds he is cursed.
Not only does Ahmanet want to stick a knife through his heart, he also encounters Russell Crowe doing one of his dodgy English voices.
I am a massive fan of Crowe, but his booming, well-spoken Dr Jekyll is ruined by the working-class evil Mr Hyde.
Why does the bad guy have to be “common”?
Also, the plot twist that brings Cruise and the Mummy to Jekyll’s modern-day London seems a little bit forced.
Let’s hope we see more of Crowe’s good side if and when Dr Jekyll turns up in future Dark Universe films.
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More importantly, the humour of the first half should stay for any future monster mash-up.
Here, it disappears as the Mummy descends into the temple of gloom.
Cruise’s witty banter is crowded out by special-effects overkill.
There are zombie Crusader knights, windows blowing out across central London and a crashing bus.
Emotional interest in the finale hinges on Nick’s romance with Annabelle Wallis’ Egyptologist, who is as lively as a Doric column.
Her character says: “I think we’ve angered the gods.”
Well, I wouldn’t say I’m angry.
More peeved the monster universe unravelled so quickly.