From clunky and boring to original and funny, author Susan Elkin rates celebrity kids’ books with very mixed results
Children's books are big business for sports stars, TV celebs and bloggers... but are they any good?
KIDS’ books are big business for celebs. Sports stars, bloggers and TV personalities all have stories out.
Comic David Walliams has earned more than £13million from ten titles since his first was released in 2008.
But are such books any good?
Here, author and former English teacher SUSAN ELKIN gives her verdict on some of the titles released by celebrity authors.
*All prices from Amazon
FRANK LAMPARD
Frankie and the World Cup Carnival, £5.99
FOR: Age five and above
SALES: Just under one million
Stick to football, Frank. Short sentences and a very limited vocabulary mean boring, flat writing.
“Charlie followed Louise through the French doors and into the yard, but first Frankie went to the back of the kitchen.”
Clunk. Clunk.
ZOELLA
Girl Online, £3.85
FOR: Age ten and above
SALES: One million
Bland and colourless. Kids will waste their time reading clichéd tripe such as, “His blond, surfer-dude hair is perfectly tousled and his blue eyes are sparkling like the sea in sunshine”.
The language is trivial, boring and samey.
Actually co-written by Siobhan Curham.
DAVID WALLIAMS
Gangsta Granny, £3.49
FOR: Age nine and above
SALES: 17million
Original and funny. Walliams is amusing in a wacky sort of way and deserves extra marks because he writes the books himself.
Some of the writing is a little clunky but his ideas are original and he makes you laugh.
“His mum burst in holding a big piece of Lycra that looked ominously like his ‘Love Bomb’ outfit.”
Only Walliams could get away with a line like that.
JESSICA ENNIS-HILL
Evie’s Magic Bracelet, £5.99
FOR: Age five and above
SALES: Not yet released
A tiny vocabulary and silly, dumbed-down expression makes for a dull read.
Children deserve much better. Surely she could have come up with something sparklier than, “She was staring at her carefully laced school shoes – and she was totally panicking”?
ČElen Caldecott is the co-writer.
BEAR GRYLLS
Sands of the Scorpion, £6.99
FOR: Age nine and above
SALES: One million
Survival in challenging circumstances doesn’t seem a bad idea for a children’s series.
But the plots are repetitive and the characters like cardboard cutouts as they escape from crocodiles, bears, snakes and other predictable things.
Damien Lewis (not Damian the actor) co-writes.
MOST READ IN TV & SHOWBIZ
SIR MO FARAH
Ready Steady Mo!, £6.99
FOR: Age three and above
SALES: 45,000
Fun. Although, of course, Mo Farah didn’t write this any more than he has run to the moon.
Kes Gray is the real author. The book is meant to encourage very young children to run and take exercise so the language is simple (“Run in your onesie”) and sometimes fun (“Run with a dolphin. Run with a whale”).
It rhymes too, and Merle Kitti’s spiky illustrations are OK.
TOM FLETCHER
The Christmasaurus, £6.49
FOR: Age seven plus
SALES: 168,000
Genius. The language is colourful and the stories aren’t full of repetition or cliches.
The McFly singer allows the reader to draw their own conclusions, rather than spoon-feeding them.
“These sneaky, scroungy little scavengers had smashed up their home good and proper!”
He deserves huge sales.
DAVID BADDIEL
AniMalcolm, £8.00
FOR: Age nine and above
SALES: 425,000
A breath of fresh air. From the first sentence the reader is drawn into the story.
David writes the books himself and uses age-appropriate language but words that have more than two syllables.
“Its enormous furry ears…? He didn’t remember reading that specification when he was flicking though photos.”
THEO WALCOTT
TJ and the Penalty, £5.99
FOR: Age seven and above
SALES: 30,000
Full of crummy writing about football-crazy kids, “Rafi was riding on a roundabout while he tried to do keepie-uppies with his head”.
It lacks real imagination. The storylines are rubbish. Worst of all, it panders to football obsession at the expense of everything else.
An insult to young readers.
SIR CHRIS HOY
Flying Fergus 1: The Best Birthday, £2.49
FOR: Age five and above
SALES: 140,000
This is actually quite entertaining. Fergus has imagination and his creator uses decent sentences.
There are also good words such as “careering”, “parallel” and “forlornly”.
Bikes, of course, loom large, but it is also witty. Co-written by Joanna Nadin.
