IN the words of Groucho Marx, “I refuse to join a club that would have me as a member.”
No such concerns for stars such as Meghan and Harry, the Beckhams, Taylor Swift, Margot Robbie, Kate Moss or James Corden.
For almost 30 years, Soho House has been the most sought-after, celebrity-heavy private members’ club in the world.
And now, for the first time, the franchise is branching out in Manchester — over five floors of the former Granada Studios in the city’s St John’s district, complete with rooftop pool, opening later this year.
Already footballers and Wags, the likes of Erling Haaland, Marcus Rashford, Phil Foden and Wayne and Coleen Rooney, are all vying for membership.
Noel and Liam Gallagher, members already, will be popping in when in their home city, and the new opening is also likely to see an influx of email applications from Corrie and Emmerdale stars — would-be guests must be recommended by two members and fill in a form as to why they’d be suitable candidates.
Every quarter, a dedicated committee wades through applications and approves (or declines) prospective new members. It’s squeaky bum time up in Manchester.
But after her recent undignified street brawl, Tina O’Brien (Corrie’s Sarah Barlow) is unlikely to be seen in the gym any time soon.
And bankrupt Bill Roache, 91, (Ken Barlow) may well baulk at the fees.
Manchester Mayor Andy Burnham could well sail through the application process, and with Media City, the beating heart of showbiz north of the M25, conveniently located near the site, several BBC presenters are also likely to become regulars.
Paddy McGuinness, already a member, is bound to be spotted on the rooftop too.
One thing is for sure though — no celebs will be getting any freebies.
“It’s a club policy — absolutely no free memberships, no matter how rich, famous or uber-trendy you are,” says an insider.
“We’ve had Hollywood stars and arrogant Instagram influencers shamelessly offering to be photographed going in . . . in return for a little black card.
“But Soho House never has and never will need to cut deals — the demand never wanes.
“For the Manchester opening though, it’s going to be interesting, given the demographic — it will be a strategic call on just who is let in and who isn’t.
“Several reality TV stars and prominent Wags have already expressed interest in joining but the Soho House vibe has always had more high-end celebs, less The Real Housewives Of Cheshire.
“Obviously the franchise wants to maintain its exclusivity but also they pride themselves on inclusivity and diversity. So each application will be judged on a case-by-case basis.”
If I were a betting woman, my money would be on Haaland in, Lauren Simon out. Once, the club’s only rule was no suits or ties, but even that’s relaxed now.
After the club was opened by Brit entrepreneur Nick Jones in 1995 it gained traction in the late Nineties as the place to see and be seen, then in 2003 it sprang to global fame after being featured in Sex And The City.
The show’s quartet — Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte — were shown sunbathing poolside at the club’s New York offshoot in the Meatpacking District, after Samantha Jones “blagged” it using another member’s name. (We’ve all been there, Sam.)
Last month the club came in for an unexpected bashing from financial analysis firm GlassHouse which slammed the company’s “broken business model and terrible accounting”.
The damning report valued Soho House at zero, and indeed, shares in the organisation have fallen around ten per cent — though they’re still valued at $1billion, which doesn’t exactly scream “cutbacks”.
Soho House vehemently denies the allegations, claiming the report is a nefarious attempt to drive down the company’s share price to benefit from the financial trick of short selling. Of course, in 2002, the wheels of the Soho House celebrity bus almost came off altogether.
In something of a PR nightmare, Jude Law and Sadie Frost’s two-year-old daughter Iris picked up and swallowed an ecstasy tablet at a toddler’s birthday party at Soho House’s Greek Street venue in London.
She was, happily, absolutely fine after the actress managed to extract the pill, but police and an ambulance crew were still called. As they say in politics, the optics weren’t great.
Today though, Soho House is thriving, with a waiting list of 99,000.
On Wednesday Gillian Anderson, Billie Piper and Rufus Sewell supped champagne at the Netflix premiere afterparty of Scoop — the film about Prince Andrew’s infamous Newsnight interview.
Alas, Andrew himself was nowhere to be seen — presumably too busy in Pizza Express — although his daughters Beatrice and Eugenie are Soho House regulars.
American rapper Eve held her Universal Brits after-party at the Strand branch last month and Cat Deeley was spotted celebrating herThis Morning appointment in Soho House’s Kettner’s champagne bar.
Last weekend Brummie Cat’s co-star Rochelle Humes celebrated her 35th birthday at Soho Farmhouse, the uber-luxe Cotswolds offshoot, complete with rowing lake.
It is here where David and Victoria Beckham have set up camp — building a £12million country manor literally next door.
The whole brood are regulars there, and David regularly hosts boys’ weekends in the club’s Barn. Of course, Soho House was also home to the world’s most famous First Date. In 2016, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle enjoyed cocktails at Grade II listed townhouse 76 Dean Street — and liked it so much, they returned the next day.
Arguably, then, Soho House rewrote the course of royal history.
Says a source: “Meghan has long been a member, and to this day still goes. She and Harry have secret date nights at one of the Houses every few months.
“Often now they go in disguise — baseball caps, oversized glasses and massive hoodies. Harry, in particular, is partial to a picante.”
For the uninitiated, a picante — a lethal chilli-laced, tequila-based cocktail — is the Club’s signature drink. A staggering 1.2million were sold last year.
Meghan has long been a member, and to this day still goes
A hilarious p**s- taking Instagram account, Sohohousememes, has now started flogging picante merchandise in between taking the mick out of the club’s louche reputation.
Bafflingly, for several years, Soho House didn’t want me as a member. Like a showbiz game of cat and mouse, I’d sneak in, pitifully root around for celebrity crumbs . . . and then get unceremoniously thrown out by the figurative ear.
Because whenever you go to a Soho House — and there are 43 worldwide now — invariably an A-lister will be sitting.
Amazingly though, a few years ago, the team relented and let me in on the basis: “What happens in Soho House, stays in Soho House”.
And no photos are allowed. Ever. And yes, I’ve seen a few things.
A memorable trip to Los Angeles’s club saw me knocking back margaritas with Sharon Osbourne — and in her case, literally knocking back, as she smashed glass after glass in an increasingly drunken state.
Leonardo DiCaprio, looking every inch the celebrity pretending he didn’t want to look like a celebrity, skulked beneath a baseball cap.
Last summer, back in the UK, I went for drinks with TV’s Steph McGovern and a Channel 4 exec.
“Look over there,” she suddenly hissed, “It’s Bono! And look, he’s with David Cameron! And who’s that other bloke? I recognise him.”
That other bloke was, in fact, the drummer of an iconic Sixties rock band, who later asked me not to name him. My last visit just before Christmas saw me propping up the bar beside Doctor Who’s Matt Smith, a man who likes a drink.
Over the years I’ve seen Harry Styles, Victoria’s Secret models (they all look the same), James Corden, Eddie Redmayne and Taron Egerton, the latter whose mate was chatting up my friend before he found out she worked for an upmarket magazine.
“Cut it NOW,” he barked, making throat-slashing gestures, as he dragged his pal away from my mortified mate.
At almost £3,000 a year for global membership, Soho House really isn’t your average bar-next-door.
But losing its star appeal? Not from where I’m standing (propping up the bar).
