I was drowning in jealousy over Robbie Williams’ success after Take That split, admits Gary Barlow
WITH a legion of fans and a string of hits, Gary Barlow rose to fame as the Nineties poster boy for chart-toppers Take That.
But despite writing their biggest hits, including A Million Love Songs and Back For Good, he was “drowning in jealousy” as his ex-bandmate Robbie Williams carved out a hugely successful solo career after quitting the band in 1995.
In his new book: A Different Stage, Gary, 51, lifts the lid on how he was crippled with self-loathing as work dried up at the turn of the Millennium — leading to him battling bulimia and bingeing on cigarettes, weed and booze.
And Gary still cannot understand why Jason Orange, 52, stepped down from the band in 2014 — 19 years after Robbie quit — leaving him as a trio with Mark Owen, 50, and Howard Donald, 54.
The five-piece had enjoyed a string of hits and were at the height of their fame in July 1995, when Robbie sensationally quit during their 31-date Nobody Else world tour.
Gary recalled how Robbie had been snapped partying hard with Britpop stars and was slowly moving away from the “Take That mothership”.
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On one of the final rehearsals for the UK leg of the tour, and less than four weeks after he had hung out with Liam Gallagher at Glastonbury, Robbie walked out.
Gary recalled him driving away in a car with blacked-out windows.
Gary and the rest of the band brushed off the drama, believing their bandmate would be back in the morning to rehearse.
Bitter war of words
However, when the dust settled and it was clear Robbie was not returning, Gary admitted he wished it was him who had walked away instead.
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He writes: “I felt a bit jealous that I wasn’t the one who’d stood up and said, ‘Up yours, I wanna have some fun. I’m a pop-star, I’m going to behave like one for a bit.
“None of us wanted to leave Take That, but watching someone else leave I — we all — couldn’t help but think about taking the leap too.”
A bitter war of words erupted between the pair, with Robbie branding Gary “clueless” and slamming his former bandmates as having “all the creativity of morons”.
Robbie said in one interview: “I hated our music and in the end I also hated myself. My problem has always been with Gary.”
Six months after Robbie’s departure, Take That devastated fans afresh with the bombshell news they were splitting up.
Helplines were set up to console distressed followers.
But a decade later, in May 2006, Gary, Jason, Mark and Howard revealed they had reformed.
Comeback album Beautiful World — featuring chart-toppers Shine and Patience — soared to number one putting them firmly on the map as a four-piece.
Weed, fags, coffee, booze and beige food were a way to take the pain away.
Gary Barlow
But a second shock departure came in September 2014 when Jason revealed he would not be making new music or taking part in their ninth concert tour.
He said there was no bad blood between him and his former bandmates and fully backed Gary, Mark and Howard with their new album as a trio.
He told fans: “There have been no fallings out, only a decision on my part that I no longer wish to do this.
“I know how much Mark, Gary and Howard enjoy writing and making music, and they know that they have my full support and encouragement to continue on with what is to be another chapter for the band.”
The departure did not send shockwaves through the group in the same way as Robbie’s, yet Gary says he still has not come to terms with it.
He writes: “I’ve tried so many times to understand why Jay left but it’s impossible to comment on unless you’re that person. We’re too old to be cajoling people into staying part of a situation they’ve had enough of.”
To onlookers, Gary appears to have the perfect family life — a long marriage, three children and a West London home with a recording studio of his own.
He grew up in Frodsham, Cheshire, with his older brother Ian and parents Marjorie, a teacher, and Colin, an agricultural worker.
I felt like I was drowning in jealousy for my old bandmate Robbie.
Gary Barlow
He met wife Dawn Andrews on the set of a music video in 1988 before she became a back-up dancer for his band when they formed in Manchester in 1990.
They wed in 2000, and welcomed eldest son Daniel, 22, that August.
But despite becoming a dad, Gary recalled his waistband grew as he became a recluse in his 117-acre estate.
Meanwhile his ex-bandmate Robbie had been dominating the airwaves with hits such as Millennium, She’s The One and Rock DJ.
Reflecting on his fallout with Robbie, he writes: “I felt like I was drowning in jealousy for my old bandmate Robbie.”
At his heaviest, 16st 11lb Gary was classified as obese, following the band’s split and a flopped solo album.
Of the ridicule he faced over his weight gain, Gary writes: “My confidence was shot, I had become terrified of my piano. I went to my studio most days only to pretend to work.
“Weed, fags, coffee, booze and beige food were a way to take the pain away.”
My confidence was shot, I had become terrified of my piano. I went to my studio most days only to pretend to work.
Gary Barlow
And despite getting ready to welcome his second child, daughter Emily, now 20, Gary recalled how he was broken inside during the Golden Jubilee of 2002 as he battled eating disorder bulimia.
He writes: “I purged into darkness, in private, alone, in the farthest corners of my pop-star mansion. I was ashamed of my bulimia.
“Was that my shame at what had happened with my career and all the feelings I had that I couldn’t make sense of? Was the bulimia my ‘unexpressed emotions’ . . . come forth in uglier ways?”
In 2009 the couple became parents for the third time with the birth of Daisy, 13.
But three years, just a week before Gary was due to perform at the closing ceremony of the London Olympics, the family was left shattered when their fourth child, Poppy, was stillborn.
In his book, Gary dedicates a chapter, titled Grief, to the unimaginable pain of losing a child.
At the time, Gary and Dawn released a heartbreaking statement, saying: “Dawn and I are devastated to announce that we’ve lost our baby.
“Poppy Barlow was delivered stillborn on August 4 in London. Our focus now is giving her a beautiful funeral and loving our three children with all our hearts. We’d ask at this painful time that our privacy be respected.”
I wear the red Adidas tracksuit top in A Different Stage, because that was what Robbie was pictured in at Glastonbury as he started his new adventure.
Gary Barlow
Gary went on to write Let Me Go which he released in 2013 as a tribute to his daughter on his fourth solo album Since I Saw You Last.
The track became his best-selling solo single, peaking at number two in the charts.
In 2010 Robbie announced he was rejoining the band for an album and a tour, after a heart-to-heart at Gary’s house.
Robbie admitted: “I went away an angry young man and I blamed Gary.
“But the truth is that Take That had two guys who wanted to be the front man.”
Robbie returned to the band and their single The Flood was released in November 2010 from their album Progress which would become the last to feature Jason.
In December 2018 Robbie delighted X Factor fans by joining Gary, Howard and Mark for an epic performance during the live final.
But at the start of 2022, Gary announced he would be touring in a new one-man show, A Different Stage, to reflect on his three-decade career.
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Showing he and Robbie have left their boyband bust-ups behind them, Gary wore a tracksuit in homage to the Let Me Entertain You singer.
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He writes: “I wear the red Adidas tracksuit top in A Different Stage, because that was what Robbie was pictured in at Glastonbury as he started his new adventure.”
- Gary Barlow: A Different Stage is out now and available to buy in all good bookshops and online.
