PAUL Danan fought back tears has he opened up about being banned from seeing his son at Christmas.
The 43-year-old made the confession on podcast - revealing his ex refused to let him in because he was on drugs.
He appeared alongside Danniella Westbrook and both actors shared their experiences of cocaine addiction.
Recalling a previous Christmas Eve, former Hollyoaks star Paul said: "The worst one for me is, and I only used in the morning... well, only used.
"But by the afternoon I'm getting all the presents ready and then by 6 o'clock I'm running late and then 8 o'clock, it's Christmas Eve and I get to the mother of my child's house.
"We always spend Christmas Eve together... I'm at the door like Santa Claus with all these presents and she looks at me and she's like 'You haven't?'"
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Paul continued: "She just knew. I thought I was alright. And she was like 'you're not coming in'. It was [my son's] fourth Christmas so he was finally realising what it was.
"I went in for a second and it was like he didn't even recognise me. And that was the moment when I thought 'I can never, ever do this again'. And I spent Christmas Day on my bed in bits."
Paul and his ex are parents to five-year-old son DeNiro.
Earlier this year the former Love Island star told The Sun how he relapsed during lockdown and ended up homeless.
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He said: "I felt so terrible, guilty and ashamed when I started using again. I was like, I can’t believe I am back here. It got really scary.”
Paul, who is now almost two years clean and running a successful theatre company, has a history of cocaine addiction and has been to rehab 17 times.