Inside Nikki Grahame’s last days as star shared ‘anger’ she hadn’t died sooner after dropping to 4st amid anorexia fight

SHE was known for her huge personality, but when Big Brother star Nikki Grahame tragically died at the age of 38 following a 30-year battle with anorexia, she weighed just 4st.

Now, in a heartbreaking new documentary to mark the first anniversary of her death, further details of her final days have been revealed.

Devastated mum Sue describes how her much-loved daughter was found dead in her bed, clutching her Pingu the penguin soft toy.

Speaking on Channel 4's Nikki Grahame: Who Is She? - which airs tonight - tearful Sue reveals she still stays over at Nikki's barely-touched flat, sleeping in her bedroom to feel close to her daughter.

"I cuddle Pingu every night now, because it brings me a bit closer to Nikki," she says.

Sue revealed the reality star had a Body Mass Index (BMI) of nine when she died, with a healthy BMI for a woman considered to be between 18.5 and 25.

'I came so close to dying'

In her woefully short life, Nikki spent a total of 11 years in eating disorder units, first admitted at the age of eight after developing anorexia.

In many ways, her mum believes her stint on Big Brother, in 2006, helped stall her illness, at least for some time.

"I think Big Brother played quite a role in saving Nikki's life, I really do," she says. "She suddenly came alive... She was so busy."

The star spent more days in the Big Brother house than any other contestant - 157 in total.

But despite her newfound fame, she was blighted by cruel voices in her head, telling her she needed to "punish" herself - even when she was admitted to hospital.

Just two days before her death on April 9, 2021, audio footage shared on the documentary reveals Nikki saying: "I've been here less than two weeks and I've actually gained nearly 4kg.

"Yet the really sick part of my brain is really angry at myself that I came so close to dying, like so close, and I f****d it by coming in here.

"I could have done it, I could have succeeded."

The really sick part of my brain is really angry at myself that I came so close to dying, like so close, and I f****d it by coming [to hospital]. I could have succeeded

Nikki Grahame

In a heartbreaking interview from 2017, also shown in the documentary, Nikki explained: "I think I've always just had that need to punish myself.

"The feeling of being out of control is really frightening. I needed to control something in my life.

"It's my comfort, my companion. It's there for me whenever I need it... and it's something I'm very good at."

Anorexic at eight

Nikki's eating disorder started from a young age. Her mum Sue says: "Just before Nikki's eighth birthday, we as a family had a lot going on.

"I was told my father only had six months to live, we lost our dog of 18, and unfortunately Nikki's dad and I were going through an incredibly tough time. It was just awful.

"I noticed Nikki had become quite solemn. She never smiled. She was never happy.

"It was like at the age of eight she had the entire weight of the world on her shoulders."

It was like at the age of eight Nikki had the entire weight of the world on her shoulders

Sue Grahame

Nikki's deep unhappiness and lack of control soon manifested itself into issues with food.

Sue recalls: "She just wouldn't eat what I would put on the table, and I could see it in her face - her bones were more prominent.

"We took her to the doctors and they said it was just a phase."

However, it wasn't a phase, and Nikki began to lose weight rapidly, until she could barely walk.

Speaking to OK!, Sue admitted: "I was so desperate for her to put on weight that I’d make her sit naked to eat her food – otherwise spaghetti Bolognese would end up stuffed in her socks or hidden in her knickers.

We took her to the doctors and they said it was just a phase

Sue Grahame

"When she was really angry with me, it went up the wall.

"One day she tried to get up the stairs and she had to crawl on her hands and knees. I went and picked her up and I took her to the doctors and I said to them, 'My daughter is so ill - I need a hospital bed, now'.

"She was so poorly. I had phone calls to say I'd better come... they didn't think she was going to make it."

Nikki spent her teenage years in and out of clinics and hospitals, and attempted suicide on several occasions.

Two sides to every story

Speaking on the documentary, Carly Cunningham - Nikki's friend she met in an eating disorder ward when she was 12 and lived with in her early twenties - says: "Nikki was one of a kind... She would be there for you with every inch of herself - that was the best Nikki.

"And then you had the ill Nikki, where the anorexia was just so vile - it just controlled her."

Speaking about the moment Nikki rose to fame in 2006, Carly says: "I wasn't worried about her going in the house. It was almost like it gave her a reason to live again... this new burst of energy.

"The well Nikki was revived when she went through those doors."

Tantrums

Nikki became known for her feisty and volatile nature in the house - but her legendary tantrums were actually a sign of her illness.

Carly says: "That [explained] a lot of her outbursts and rants.

"That was pretty much Nikki when we were in the eating disorder unit because that was the way of releasing it and coping."

Speaking in a therapy session, Nikki is seen admitting: "I always found the lower my weight was, the louder the voice was in my ear... the voice that's telling me to self destruct.

"The only time I feel confident and comfortable to look in the mirror is when I'm emaciated."

Lockdown relapse

Five years after finding fame, Nikki revealed her anorexia had returned and in 2012 she was sectioned after an overdose.

She fought back to health and appeared in Big Brother in both Canada and Australia, and launched a fashion brand for petit women.

But when the coronavirus lockdown hit the UK in 2020, Nikki spiralled.

"She was really scared," says Sue. "She knew she was probably going to be isolated and she actually said to me, 'Mum I don't know how I'm going to get through this'."

The closure of gyms added to her distress, prompting her to buy a crosstrainer.

"It became so difficult for her to eat if she didn't feel she'd done exercise. It was a compulsion for Nikki," says Sue.

At one point pal Imogen Thomas called an ambulance after Nikki told her she wanted to die.

Friends rallied to set up a JustGiving page for treatment, which raised £70,000. A South African clinic, which specialises in eating disorders, had agreed to take her.

But tragically she never made it. On the night before her death she rang her mum at 3am, telling her she had managed to make it to the toilet but was 'so tired'.

The following day she was found dead in her North London flat. She weighed just 4st 10lbs at the time.

"They took her away and I didn't see her again," says an emotional Sue. "Part of me has died. I miss her more than I can say. She didn't think she was anything special, but she was."

Nikki Grahame: Who is She? airs tonight on Channel 4.