From Paul Daniel’s bank balance to Ant and Dec’s bedtime we pay tribute to Caroline Aherne’s charming yet razor-sharp wit
The much loved comic's quick one-liners put her firmly among the queens of British comedy
WITH razor-sharp wit and affable charm, Mrs Merton was the comic creation that made Caroline Aherne a household name.
But it was her brilliant one-liners that placed her among the queens of British comedy, with Debbie McGee most famously on the receiving end.
Referring to her 5ft 4ins, balding magician husband, Mrs Merton asked glamorous Debbie: “And what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?”
Whether it was the blue-rinse pensioner with a chat show, ditsy sofa slob Denise Royle or her turns on The Fast Show, Aherne’s comic genius touched a nation.
Her sudden death yesterday from cancer at the age of 52 has, therefore, been felt by millions.
Debbie McGee was among them. She said: “Just heard the very sad news about Caroline Aherne. She was wonderful especially as Mrs Merton. My interview will be a treasured memory RIP.”
Caroline’s rags to riches story began in Ealing, West London, on Christmas Eve 1963. She was born to alcoholic railway labourer Bert and dinner lady Maureen.
But days after her birth she was diagnosed with retinoblastoma, a rare eye cancer also suffered by her older brother Patrick.
It meant that despite moving to Wythenshawe, Manchester, when Caroline was three, the Ahernes had to take weekly trips back to London for treatment.
Talking in 2014 about the condition in typically dark humour, she said: “My mum told us only special people get cancer. I must be very special because I have had it in my lungs and bladder as well.”
Her early ordeal meant she spent the rest of her life partially-sighted.
As she got older, she quickly became the joker among family and friends. At school, with an IQ of 176, Caroline got nine As at O level. She then went on to study drama at Liverpool Polytechnic.
But it was a chance viewing of BBC drama Abigail’s Party at the age of 15 that triggered Caroline’s desire to become a writer.
Her first TV job was at the Beeb in the early 1980s, working as a secretary for Janet Street Porter. But the limelight was not far away.
She became a regular on the Manchester comedy circuit with her comic characters — with Mrs Merton soon making an appearance.
Caroline tested her out on pal Craig Cash, with whom she worked at Manchester’s KFM radio station and would go on to be her long-term comedy partner.
Mrs Merton also had early outings alongside Frank Sidebottom, appearing in his Fantastic Shed Show in the early 1990s.
Cash, meanwhile, sent tapes of Caroline’s character to Radio 2 presenter Martin Kelner and in 1995 The Mrs Merton Show was launched and ran for five series.
It was irreverent yet warm-hearted, appealed to young and old and was an unprecedented success. A string of celebrities were felled by her gentle yet straight-to-the-point questioning.
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Alcoholic George Best was left stumped when quizzed as to whether it was “playing all that football that made him so thirsty”. She also asked camp telly host Dale Winton: “Does your wife like Supermarket Sweep?”
Caroline said of the character: “There’s a kind of innocence about Mrs Merton that makes her sound well-meaning even when she’s being rude.”
On a comedic roll, she became an integral part of ensemble sketch series The Fast Show. But while audiences laughed, Caroline’s personal life was falling apart.
A rambling, slurred speech while collecting a British Comedy Award in 1996 was the first public glimpse into her drinking problem. Of fame, she said: “I couldn’t cope and wanted to numb it all with drink.”
It began in 1995 when dad Bert, who partly inspired the character of Jim in The Royle Family, died.
In April 1996 she split with husband Peter Hook, the bassist from New Order and Joy Division.
She then took up with TV researcher Matt Bower, but they split after coming to blows on a night out. He died in 1997, aged 27.
The end of her relationship with actor Alexis Denisof in 1998 resulted in a suicide attempt. She was treated for alcohol dependency and depression in The Priory.
But sober, she went on to enjoy her greatest writing success — The Royle Family — penned with Craig Cash and Phil Mealey.
Caroline moved to Australia for a while in a clear attempt to shun the spotlight and work only when she wanted to.
She said at the time: “I’ve realised I really want a private life. I’ve done all the things I needed to do and I don’t need to prove anything any more.”
TEN BEST QUOTES AS MRS MERTON
To young telly presenters Ant and Dec: “Is it lovely being up this late?”
To EastEnders star Barbara Windsor: “That’s what I love about you Barbara, you’re one of us... You’re like a big film star, but you’re still common as muck!”
Going toe-to-toe with boxer Chris Eubank — shortly after his defeat by Steve Collins: “Chris were you surprised, like we all were, when Steve Collins came up behind you and licked you in the ring?”
Speaking to then-Match of the Day host Des Lynam: “I think you’re the Tom Cruise for menopausal women, we’re like putty in your hands!”
To former Sun Page 3 girl Melinda Messenger: “You’re more than just a pair of bosoms aren’t you? Because you won rear of the year last year didn’t you?”
Quizzing Olympic sprinting medallist Kriss Akabusi: “Do you have to plan your tactics before the race or do you just try and run faster than the other blokes?”
Tapping into her spiritual side during a chat with astrologer Russell Grant: “You’re an Aquarius, which means you’re ruled by Uranus? Do you think they’ll ever find a man on Uranus?”
To former Tory MP and Health Secretary Edwina Currie: “Do you know who loves you and finds you fascinating?” Edwina: “Who?” Mrs Merton: “You!”
Getting direct with feminist Germaine Greer: “You were a right old slapper in the Seventies, weren’t you?”
And to footie icon George Best: “You were a Sixties sensation weren’t you? You know all that marvellous football you played and then of course all the booze. Did you ever think if you hadn’t done all that running around playing football, would you have been as thirsty?”