'i cry in my room'
Freddie Flintoff breaks silence on life-changing injuries after Top Gear crash and says ‘I shouldn’t be here’
Freddie will resume his TV career with new BBC One show Field of Dreams On Tour
FREDDIE Flintoff says his Top Gear accident left him such a bundle of nerves he had to leave social gatherings to cry.
The England Ashes legend, 46, has laid bare for the first time the physical and emotional fallout from the horrific car crash in 2022.
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Freddie, who has had several operations on his face, reveals in his new TV show that he sometimes finds himself “in situations which I’m never quite sure I can get through”.
The former cricketer, famed for his larger-than-life persona, adds: “There’ll be times when I take myself off and you won’t see me for half an hour. I’ll go cry in my room and come back.”
However Freddie says he feels fortunate to have survived the smash, which turned him into a recluse who barely left the house for seven months.
The father of four is now resuming his TV career with BBC One’s Freddie Flintoff’s Field of Dreams On Tour — and he is determined to make the most of his “second chance” at life.
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He says: “I genuinely should not be here after what happened. It’s going to be a long road back and I’ve only just started.
“I’ve got to look at the positives, I’ve got another chance, and I’m going to go at it. I’m seeing that as how it is - a second go.”
Freddie is seen facing his fears in a heartbreaking scene in the documentary where his facial wounds are weeks old.
His many stitches are on show, he has a large dressing on his cheek, and when Freddie speaks his familiar Lancashire voice is distorted by his swollen lips and broken nose.
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With his voice breaking he adds: "I am struggling already and I need help. I really am. I'm not the best at asking for it. I need to stop crying every two minutes."
Later, he adds: “I am what I am now. I’m different to what I was. It’s something I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life. Better? No. Different.
Freddie Flintoff prepares for TV comeback following Top Gear crash with new series of Field of Dreams
“Something happened which changed my life forever.”
Freddie had to be airlifted to hospital following the accident at Dunsfold Park Aerodrome, Surrey, as he filmed an episode of Top Gear with co-stars Paddy McGuinness and Chris Harris.
The three-wheel roadster he was driving flipped, leaving him with substantial facial lacerations, broken bones and damage to his teeth.
The four-parter, which starts next Tuesday, sees Freddie tell fellow cricketer Kyle Hogg he thought he could recover within 12 weeks of the crash in December 2022.
But, talking from his kitchen during his recovery, Freddie reveals he is instead wracked with anxiety and suffers nightmares and flashbacks.
I have nightmares, flashbacks - it’s been so hard to cope with.
Freddie Flintoff
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He said: “I thought I could just shake it off. I wanted to just shake it off and say, ‘I’m alright’ But it’s not been a case of that. It’s been a lot harder than I thought. As much as I’ve wanted to go out and do things I’ve just not been able to.
“You’ve got to try to put it in perspective and I feel guilty I can’t do that. I don’t want to sit in here feeling sorry for myself. And I don’t want sympathy. Everywhere I go at the minute I’ve got a full face mask and glasses on - I can’t do that.
“I struggle with anxiety, you know I have nightmares, flashbacks, - it’s been so hard to cope with. But I’m thinking if I don’t do something I’m never going to go. I’ve got to get on with it.”
He also opens about his anxiety at resurrecting Fields of Dreams.
The first series in 2022, before his crash, saw him attempt to transform a bunch of non-cricketers into a team, with heartwarming results. The sequel now sees him take the same group of lads to India, where the locals are fanatical about the sport.
The programme features several front pages of The Sun. They follow the aftermath of the crash, to Freddie pausing his TV career, through to Top Gear being cancelled and him receiving £9million compensation from the show’s makers BBC Studios.
Freddie seemed to hint he might not return to TV full-time as the show has reignited his passion for coaching, and helped reinstate his confidence.
I am what I am now. Better? No. Different.
Freddie Flintoff
He said: “I learned a bit about coaching - you’re coaching people not players, which is something I’ll take away, hopefully, in my career - whatever that leads to next. I suppose I found a confidence out there that had been knackered a bit in recent times.
“I always wanted to get back into coaching, and I probably shouldn’t say it, but I fell into, like, a TV trap, you know? I was doing TV and moving forward, obviously. I’d love to do more coaching, I don’t know in what entity or work, and do a little bit of TV as well. It’s been a nice shift.”
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The show sees Freddie deliver the good news that the lads are going to India, before his crash. It then sees him meeting them as his wounds are only just healing.
He said: “I’m a bit nervous about that as well, seeing them for the first time and being in front of them. It’s going to be strange because I’ve not seen them for so long. I think I’m like that with everyone I meet these days.
“There’s always that bit of apprehension, a bit of anxiousness and a bit of nerves.”
But he also uses it as motivation on his road to recovery.
He says: “I’m looking forward to seeing the lads and being around them, I really am. I really am. This India trip is going to be just as much for me as it is for them now. I’m determined, I really want to go.
"All the way through this when I was in hospital I was thinking, ‘It’s March’ I was aiming towards March. Then it was September, I’m aiming towards that. It’s always been a little bit unachievable. I think about it all the time. And I think about going, and how good it will be....and then I rewind.
"I’m thinking, ‘I don’t leave the house, hardly.’ Then I’ve got to get on that plane. I’ve got to be away for two-and-a-half weeks. It’s going from being in here for seven months to going to India for two-and-a-half weeks.”
When Freddie eventually sees the lads again back in Preston they all throw their arms round him and tell him how much he’s been missed.
One asks if he feels 100 per cent and he replies: “Not really, I don’t know if I will again to be honest. I’m better than I was...I don’t know what completely better is.”
Later he continues: “We’re going somewhere which is incredible, and I’m trying to focus on the good stuff that’s going to happen.
“As much as I stand there and tell the lads about how great it is, there’s a bit of nervousness from my point of view.”
And the trepidation intensified when Freddie and the boys arrive in the magical mayhem that is modern-day Kolkata - a year later than originally planned.
He says: “It’s so strange because I feel like I’m father to nine lads at the minute. I feel real responsibility, and there’s elements of nerves as well, a bit.
“You know, I’ve not been away from home recently. I’ve left four kids and a missus, so there’s mixed emotions from me as well.”
He is seen in another moment admitting: “My anxiety coming here had been through the roof.”
But within a few days, Freddie seems to forget some of the pain of the past two years - as he immerses himself in the sport that has helped restore his happiness and confidence.
With his wounds largely healed and his voice returned to normal, he smiles as he picks up a bat to play with his team against the more experienced locals.
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Showing his sense of humour is alive and well, Freddie says: “The danger with this trip is, with everything going on and the experience, that we actually forget about the cricket - and we are on a cricket tour. The hard part is going to be matching the opposition to our standards...I think we need to find the worst cricket team in Kolkata.”
Freddie Flintoff’s Field of Dreams on Tour is on BBC One and iPlayer from next Tuesday, August 13, at 9pm.
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Freddie Flintoff quietly returns to TV work for the first time since his horror Top Gear crash
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