It’s hard being on your own, at times I cry myself to sleep because it’s lonely and awful, says Emily Atack
SHE is one of the most in- demand women on TV, with a legion of fans thanks to her bubbly nature, raucous sense of humour and natural good looks – but Emily Atack has confessed she struggles being single on the Soap & Glory vodcast Soaking Up Life with Emily Atack episode with Florence Given.
The unlucky-in-love actress and comedian has admitted she sometimes feels so lonely that she cries herself to sleep, and lacks self-esteem in relationships.
Emily, 33, said: “People think I fly the flag for all the single ladies, but I’m not afraid to admit being on your own is actually miserable a lot of the time. It’s pretty hard.
“There are times when I go out and I feel confident and sexy on my own and I’m independent.
"But there are times when I cry myself to sleep because it’s lonely and awful, and it’s OK to admit that, I think.”
Emily has been single since splitting from former Big Brother contestant Liam McGough, 39, last year.
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She has previously been linked to several high-profile men including Harry Styles, Jack Grealish, Strictly pro Giovanni Pernice, comic Seann Walsh, model Jude Taylor and social media exec Joe Caro.
She has also had long-term relationships with film producer Rob Jowers and model Jack Vacher.
But Emily reveals she finds it difficult not to lose herself when she falls in love.
She said: “This is where I am at the moment — I’m too much of a romantic, it’s actually ruining my life.
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“Where I go wrong in life is that I’m known as confident, sexy and all those things, and that’s all great.
“And then the second that I’m in love, I’m absolutely pathetic.
";I go from being confident to being like, ‘Just have everything’, and that’s not on them, that’s all on me.
“That’s a lack of self care and self love. I have mountains and buckets of confidence but no self-esteem.
“It’s a horrible thing to admit but it’s just true, and there is something about a romantic love that drains me of all my self love, it just does.
“I put everything into that person and I’m just a shrivelling little wreck, handing my heart over on a royal, red fluffy cushion.”
Emily became an overnight sensation and a poster girl for teenage boys across the land when she played Charlotte “Big Jugs” Hinchcliffe in The Inbetweeners from 2008 to 2010.
Then five years ago she became a household name after a successful stint on I’m A Celebrity.
Fans fell in love with her down-to-earth nature as she happily roamed the jungle make-up free.
She came second to footie legend Harry Redknapp in what was a vintage year for the show.
But since then she has become what she describes as a “serial dater” in her pursuit for true romance.
She said: “I’m learning that in my thirties I am a consumer of love. Obviously most people my age are settled down.
“My little sister is married. Most people around me are doing it all now, and I’m not yet.
“They find my dating life fascinating because I go out with different people.
"I’m a serial dater a little bit, then I fall in love and then my heart gets broken or then I break someone’s heart accidentally.
“So I’ve got a colourful love life, I would say, and I know now the type of person I’m meant to be with.”
Over the years, Emily has met people face to face as well as signing up to exclusive dating apps including Raya — as favoured by celebrities such as David Walliams and tennis ace Serena Williams.
But she has found the constant “swiping” left or right to accept or reject a potential partner makes people feel disposable.
Emily said: “I’m now dating.
"I know both worlds, before dating apps and trying to navigate the new life of dating, which is being really expendable.
“It used to be that you were way more desired.
“Everyone is always looking for something better, and I have been guilty of that too.
“When something doesn’t work out you have to tell your friends.
“All your friends that are in relationships really want it for you as you’re the only single one.”
Even Emily’s actress mum Kate Robbins, 64, can’t resist asking her for a debriefing.
She added: “There are the dreaded words that my mother says to me after every date — ‘Has he texted you yet?’.
"I’m like, ‘Don’t ask me that’. And then he texts.”
Earlier this year, Emily bravely opened up in a BBC2 documentary called Asking For It? about being a victim of cyberflashing.
She revealed she is bombarded with seedy sex pictures and abuse from strangers every day online and threats to rape and kill her.
She has also met government representatives to try to teach youngsters about the menace of violence against women and girls.
‘I know I’m very flawed’
Emily has previously revealed that therapy has helped her deal with mental health struggles, but she also relies on her wide social network.
In the Soap & Glory podcast Soaking Up Life With Emily Atack, she tells her author pal Florence Given: “I think it’s finding that joy in loving yourself.
"It’s almost become this really laborious task.
“It’s not as fun loving yourself as it is loving a really fit boy.
“I’m trying to do this whole thing of saying, ‘Look, I know I’m very flawed and I have deep insecurities, but I prefer opening up and talking about them’.
“The friendship thing and the relationship thing is such an interesting thing, I find in life, because I don’t want to become one of those people that when I’m going through a difficult romantic situation that it alienates me from my friends.
“Because sometimes I do that as I know that they’re sick to death of hearing about it.
"And they are probably not, they’re my friends, they love me and they’ll go, ‘No, come and we’ll talk about it’.
“But I just know deep down somewhere they’ll be like, ‘Oh god, here we go again’.
"I think with the whole self love thing, friends can help you rediscover your self love.
“So obviously when you come out of a relationship, you’re feeling at your worst and you just don’t love yourself at all.
“And you look in the mirror and you’re like, ‘I’ve got a fat, wobbly a**e, that’s why he’s left me’.
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“And in order to find that self love again, a lot of it comes from the love of your friends.”
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