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NERVES OF STEEL
I was child star on Britain’s Got Talent & traumatic moment from live show still haunts me… producers gave me no support
IT was the moment 10-year-old Hollie Steel had been waiting for after making it through to the semi-finals of Britain’s Got Talent.
Belting out a rendition of Edelweiss, she looked poised and in control - but midway through her performance in 2009, the youngster suffered a panic attack on live TV and burst into floods of tears.
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Despite judge Amanda Holden and presenters Ant and Dec going on stage to reassure her, Hollie was inconsolable as she felt she had let down everybody that believed in her.
In an exclusive chat with The Sun, Hollie, now 24, recalls: “I get this thing where I swallow when I'm nervous, so I started doing that and then I couldn't control it.
"And obviously I didn't have the capacity to gain back control of the panic attack.
"I was thinking, 'Oh no, it's happened again. Keep going, keep singing. Oh no, Simon [Cowell] looks disappointed. Keep going. Smile.'
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"I was thinking, 'I need to keep going' and there was a point where it was like, 'I need to give up. I need to start again.'
"It was really scary because [the auditions] were pre-recorded and then you go into the live shows. Before the live shows, I was suddenly now famous. So it was a whole new ballgame."
It threw the live show into chaos as show boss Simon vowed to make time available for the distraught hopeful to perform again - something that had never been done before.
"I was just thinking, 'I need to sing that song again.' And I was so relieved when Simon said that. I don't know if I would be singing as I am now if it wasn't for Simon saying they will find the time.
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"I'm glad I had that opportunity to sing again and to go to the final."
To deal with the traumatic moment, the Lancashire-born singer - who now works as a performer - had to undergo therapy.
But she admits she's still haunted by the incident on Britain's Got Talent whenever she walks on stage.
When I get on stage, sometimes I go back to that moment when I'm on TV and I'm about to have a panic attack.
Hollie Steel
She says: “I know I have a lot of trauma even from 14 years ago, which is crazy thinking about it. When I get on stage, sometimes I go back to that moment when I'm on TV and I'm about to have a panic attack.
"I've done a lot of therapy and counselling where I'm just like, 'You need to breathe... you need to relax. You're enjoy doing this. Give yourself - you're fine.'
"I really had to delve deep to accept the panic attacks for what they are and just keep going through it all."
'Pressure on kids'
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Hollie's harrowing experience sparked a national debate over whether children should be allowed to audition for talent shows.
Even the late Bruce Forsyth waded in, arguing: "To put little children through that kind of an ordeal, I think that is wrong."
Although Hollie disagreed with his sentiments back then, she now agrees children going on talent shows should be given greater support by production teams.
She says: “I was a kid when Bruce first said that, and I thought no, kids should be on the show, because I had so much fun and it's given me lots of opportunities.
I think there should be a lot more laws about kids on TV shows. I had pretty supportive parents but in some cases, it could be parents pushing their kids.
Hollie Steel
"But looking back on it, I'm definitely more towards what Bruce was saying because I think there should be a lot more laws about kids on TV shows.
"I had pretty supportive parents but in some cases, it could be parents pushing their kids.
"I just think it's a lot of pressure on kids, not just on live shows but TV shows like Dance Moms.
"You see the kids and they have a lot of trauma from it. And even from these YouTube families where the kids are being used for views and money.
"There needs to be a better way of supporting those kids because it does affect you mentally as you grow."
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'No emotional support'
While Hollie claims she did not receive much mental support, she hopes there's a better level of care afforded to the show's younger stars now.
"Six months after the show, I had a manager - I was signed to Syco, Simon Cowell's label," she recalls.
"For those months I wasn't really allowed to do anything but what they said I should do.
"But there was no emotional support. Looking back now, there wasn't much talk about mental health 14 years ago so they probably thought they don't need to give us support.
"I don't know what the process is now but I know back then, there was no support."
Loud buzzers
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Despite the semi-final drama, Hollie says her experience on the show was "the biggest flex" of her life.
Recalling how her audition came about, she says: "I had been such a fan of the show from when it started - my brother auditioned as he is a performer as well. I wanted to follow in his footsteps.
"It was exactly how I imagined it would be. All the producers, seeing the people, it was just like being on TV. It was really cool."
During her audition Holly says she was taken aback by one brutal element of the process.
"The people that went on before me were doing something and obviously, the judges didn't like it and they pressed the buzzers," she recalls.
"They were so loud. I was backstage and Ant and Dec were trying to chat to me and I was literally like, 'Oh my God, I can't even focus'. I was really worried that they were going to buzz me."
But her audition was so impressive that it moved then-judge Kelly Brook to tears.
Life changing
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After Hollie's first audition was broadcast, she became a global sensation overnight.
She says: "I had newspapers camping outside my home. And then I didn't go to school for the rest of the year, which was so weird for me.
"I didn't really see my friends as I was going down to London for fittings and TV appearances. It was a lot.
"At the time I thought it was amazing, I loved it, because all the attention was on me, but thinking about it, that's what led to all the anxiety and was probably a big part of the reason I had the panic attack. It all built up to that moment."
Although Hollie doesn’t believe her fame has hindered her dating life, she recalls a time when she felt an ex-boyfriend was in the relationship because of her famous past.
She explains: “As a teenager, it was more difficult to find people that actually liked me for me.
"I remember one of my boyfriends and I'm pretty sure he was with me because of my name. He always used to ask me to do YouTube videos together.
"But the older I get, the less people think about me on Britain's Got Talent. And I've got my partner now and he's amazing and very talented too in his own right."
Hollie still gets recognised by the show’s legions of fans - and admits it can get rather embarrassing.
“A lot of people tell me my face hasn't changed at all", she says with a laugh.
"I'll be walking down the street or shopping and someone will say, 'Are you that girl from Britain's Got Talent?' It just gets embarrassing."
'Protect your kids'
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Hollie has had an impressive career; she's released three albums and performed with the Royal Caribbean playing Frenchy in a stage adaptation of Grease.
She still auditions for shows and admits she sometimes gets preferential treatment due to her Britain's Got Talent days.
Hollie admits: "I actually hate it when it happens. I've always wanted a clean slate.
"But they've always had preconceptions about who I should be or maybe they want something from me.
"This is why I love musical theatre because it gives me the opportunity to just show my talent. It's not so much about my name."
Hollie advises other young hopefuls going on talent shows to stay grounded and keep their friends close.
"Don't get swept up in everything," she warns. "I would tell parents to protect their kids - don't let them watch the TV, read magazines, or read anything about themselves and keep it close to the family.
"Keep it tight-knit and don't let anyone enter your family life because you'll have people trying to do that from all over.
"Try to keep the joy as best as possible and keep that routine they had before they went on the show."
A Britain’s Got Talent Spokesperson told The Sun: “Duty of care to our contestants is of the utmost importance to us.
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"We take the welfare of anyone involved in our programmes extremely seriously and have thorough and robust measures in place to ensure everyone feels supported.
"These measures are under constant review and are adaptable to reflect the unique requirements for each series.”
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