'indescribable'
Kate Garraway says I am terribly lonely even when I’m with Derek – it makes me feel so guilty
KATE Garraway has opened up about feeling "terribly lonely" even with husband Derek Draper - and said it makes her feel "guilty".
The GMB presenter, 54, revealed that Derek's communication had worsened over the last year on her latest documentary, Caring For Derek.
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The mum-of-two explained that she's been "struggling" and finds it "indescribable" watching her husband become more "absent".
Speaking on the ITV documentary, an emotional Kate said: "It feels like in terms of communication he's gone way back from this time last year.
"I mean, he could express...fears and worries and all sorts of things this time last year.
"Whereas now it's 'yes'...'no'...'don't know' again.
"People have been really kind and say I'm an inspiration but I'm really struggling and I think it's important for people to know that because I'm sure they are struggling in their lives."
Despite Derek being in the room, the broadcaster said that she still feels lonely.
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"I think one of the worst things is the terrible loneliness that you get from having him but not here," she continued.
"It's really indescribable, I don't know, it's just so hard because I can sort of see him but he's absent and you just feel very much on your own all the time.
"He doesn't look at you for a cup of tea.
"I still still hope we have a happy ending but ultimately it just feels unsustainable."
Kate also told viewers that it's "awful watching the heartbreak" in husband Derek's eyes as he dreams about life before his Covid battle.
The TV star, whose husband has been in need of round-the-clock care since he contracted the virus in March 2020, has detailed the impact it has had on her 54-year-old partner.
Kate explained that the virus has caused problems for Derek's digestive system, kidneys, liver, heart and nervous system - and has left him with a “kind of heartbreak in his eyes.”
Kate said: "Derek dreams about the ‘before’, and every morning it’s just
so, so awful seeing him wake up, and the realisation of where he is.
“There’s a kind of heartbreak in his eyes, every single morning. You can
just see it.
“It reminds me of when you’d have a horrible breakup and wake up in the morning, feeling all right - and then that sort of sucker punch of
remembering.”
'THAT IS AMAZING'
The mum-of-two also shared some rare good news about Derek's condition after she secretly flew him to Mexico for a ground-breaking medical trial.
She was told he would retain all his memories after jetting with him to South America.
The presenter is shown asking one doctor, after looking at her poorly husband's brain scan: "Do we know if he still has the thoughts inside his head and it's just they can't come out?
"Or do we know if those thoughts are lost?"
The doctor replied: "No the connection between the thinking of 'what do I want to say?' with 'I say it' is slow, is disconnected. But the thoughts are not lost."
Kate, replied, with tears in her eyes: "The thoughts are not lost. OK. That is amazing to hear.
"That is really amazing to hear, it makes me feel quite emotional. So he's still in there, we just have to get him out."
Derek, a former spin doctor, was struck down with coronavirus in March 2020 and put into an induced coma by doctors.
He then spent 374 days in hospital and now requires such constant care that Kate revealed he would die if was left unaided for three days.
Many viewers of Kate Garraway: Caring For Derek were left sobbing from the start of the "inspirational" film that the let cameras into the lives of a family striving to maintain a normal life.
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Derek was shown celebrating his birthday with children Darcey and William in a moving new ITV documentary.
He was heard reading one card in barely a whisper: "To the greatest father in the world. Happy birthday, love you so much. I'm so proud of you."
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