Paul Merson breaks down in tears on GMB as he relives his gambling hell

that at the height of his football career in the 1990s, his drinking, drug and gambling addictions spiralled out of control as he would "go all in" - saying he even spent most of the day his then-wife Lorraine was in labour with their first child in the bookies.

"I didn’t stop until, eventually, I’d lost everything I’d ever had – close to £7 million, including houses, cars, marriages, my entire pension and my self-respect," he wrote.

Merson says he first started drinking heavily at 18 while playing on loan for Brentford, saying booze was "like a ticket to a different world" for him as he'd suffered "crippling anxiety" throughout his childhood - and only "felt safe" on the pitch.

By the time Arsenal won the league in 1989, Merson says his drinking had become "really serious", making his relationship with fiancee Lorraine "volatile".

Even on his wedding night in the summer of 1990, Merson admits to being in a "foul mood" and "consumed with overwhelming self-hatred" because he'd lost thousands betting on a World Cup match.

Please help me God

Paul Merson

After that, he says "everything started to snowball" as his gambling addiction became out of control, before turning to cocaine for the first time in February 1994.

By that November, he had spent "way, way more than" £2,000 on cocaine and says he was "in crisis", as he says he was "snorting until I was driven to the brink of madness".

"I started going to an all-night pub in Smithfield Market. Drinking on my own and snorting in the toilets. I’d hail a black cab at 8am to take me up to training and even have a couple of big hits sitting in the back," he told the Mail.

"I had bookies chasing me, dealers chasing me. I settled one cocaine debt by handing over my Arsenal blazer and reporting it stolen. Paranoia took over. I was convinced someone was hunting me down."

His then-wife Lorraine intervened and called Arsenal manager George Graham, and the club and the Professional Footballers’ Association arranged for him to go to rehabilitation.

But after staying clean for three years, Merson says he relapsed into boozing and gambling after transferring to Middlesbrough, where he shared a house with "fellow alcoholic" Paul Gascoigne.

He would binge tens of thousands of pounds on single bets, and would try to claw the money back with even bigger ones when he lost.

The addiction made him "secretive, defensive and irritable beyond belief" he says, which was ultimately the final straw in both his first and second marriages.

"Everything I won in my football career came while I was at the height of my addiction," he said.

"I could never live in the moment and enjoy the team’s achievements. I only thought about what it all meant for drinking and gambling."

Merson says he hasn't touched cocaine for 27 years, and hasn't had a drop of alcohol for two years as he continues to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

Remember to gamble responsibly

A responsible gambler is someone who:

• Establishes time and monetary limits before playing
• Only gambles with money they can afford to lose
• Never chase their losses
• Doesn’t gamble if they’re upset, angry or depressed
• Gamcare – 
• Gamble Aware – 

For help with a gambling problem, call the National Gambling Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or go to  to be excluded from all UK-regulated gambling websites.