Eurovision final 2021 LIVE: Italy WINS as James Newman for the United Kingdom gets zero points

THE FINAL WORD

Tomorrow there will be a lot of people saying why the UK got zero points.

Everyone will be blamed, but remember this...

Next year's a new year and we can do it all over again. See you then!

WORDS FROM TWITTER

PHILLIP SCHOFIELD IS UNHAPPY

Phillip Schofield is frankly enraged at the Eurovision result, telling the contest: "F YOU!"

Taking to Instagram after the UK's humiliating zero points, the This Morning presenter lashed out.

"Well f you then!" he wrote.

"Well done James Newman, we love you. It was an amazing show but honestly why do we bother?"

I suspect a lot of people will be asking that.

WARDROBE MALFUNCTION

Italy might have won the competition but the universe brought them down to earth.

Maneskin's lead singer Damiano David accidentally split his pants during that energetic winner's performance.

And not in an un-obvious way - right in the crotch, front and centre.

At least he was wearing pants!

SECOND YEAR RUNNING

It's no secret that the UK has struggled with Eurovision in recent years.

And tonight's results are the second nil points in a row.

At the 2019 contest the UK came in last place with Michael Rice's Bigger Than Us, continuing a run of poor results.

WELL THAT WAS AN EVENING

Italy won, France did really well and we were last with nil points.

And the show ran over by 15 minutes because not even the Dutch can wrangle the hell that is a live broadcast with 26 contestants into three hours and 45 minutes.

Not when there's videos of old boats and windmills to show anyway.

ITALY ARE THE WINNERS OF EUROVISION 2021

I mean I can't say I expected it or wanted it, but good for them.

They're the first group to win since 2006.

Måneskin are the champions with Zitti e buoni!

SO CLOSE

And yet I'm so very confused.

BRUTAL

This is what I imagine being on the Jeremy Kyle Show is like?

Just punch after emotional punch.

Why not just scream 'NO-ONE LIKES YOU' and have done with it?

NIL POINTS FOR THE UK

Oh this is PAINFUL. No points from the juries and no points from the public.

This isn't nice for James Newman. It's not even our worst entry!

The only country to get zero points.

THE JURY VOTES

And now it's time for the viewer vote! And everything could change.

FIVE MORE TO GO

Honestly, the juries really do dislike us.

Hopefully the people will like us more. Though I wouldn't hold your breath.

Here's Russia. Oh.

*CRIES IN EUROPEAN*

Take me back to 1996.

THIS IS JUST TORTURE

I mean I know it wasn't great, but seriously - the only country without any points?

EVEN GERMANY GOT POINTS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

THE NATIONAL JURY VOTES (THEY HATE US)

EVEN IRELAND SHUNNED US

The betrayal is real.

AMANDA HOLDEN HAS COVERED UP

I don't know what's happening anymore.

WHAT A LOVELY T-SHIRT

In other news we're now being beaten by Germany's entry which is actually the worst thing to ever be made.

Worse than the Line of Duty finale.

THIS IS THE POINT OF THE EVENING

When we lose all the tiny bit of hope we'd clung to despite all logic.

Still nil points.

RIGHT THEN

Shall we add Israel, Poland and San Marino to the countries that we should declare Eurovision war on?

I'm not bitter.

THE RESULTS ARE IN

IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING.

I haven't got a clue who will win but as soon as we get through this corporate stuff we can get into the awkward results calls.

I MISS SWEDEN HOSTING

You don't get dull things. You get things like Peace Peace Love Love.

LET'S JUST BE CLEAR...

Katrina and her Waves weren't available, but Lorde was?

I know they come with built in masks but come on - it's hardly euphoric joy.

I'd accept Lulu as a substitute.

Or Gina G. I know she didn't win but she's Queen of our Eurovision hearts.

FINALLY A WINNER I REMEMBER

Mans was a cracking winner. Again no Loreen, but who is really?

I don't know who anyone else is - especially not Sandra Kim but it's nice she gave bingo a miss to appear on a rooftop and sing a song from her childhood to us.

Have they just put all these people on rooftops and forced them to perform?

Should we phone someone?

DO WE NEED ALL THESE RECAPS?

I can't imagine many people tune in midway through Eurovision.

Once you're here, you're here for the duration - no matter what.

You can't leave - it's a thing.