AS I flounder in the waves again, a fellow paddle-boarder yells: “Nice to see another beginner like me!”
“Yes, but you are upright and dry,” I reply with some jealousy.
It’s been like this all morning.
My effort to double my two-second personal best of remaining on a windsurf board when I was a teenager actually sees me halve it.
And with paddleboarding, I fail to even master the kneeling stage.
Less watersport, more water-swallowing sport.
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With that in mind, I decide to switch to rowing.
That’s hard too and I am often stuck among the boundary ropes before drifting back to shore.
If at first you don’t succeed, you can try again.
But you can also give up and try something more suitable — which is what I do.
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And that’s the beauty of a Mark Warner multi-sports holiday.
There’s so much to do at its new Aeolian Village Beach Resort on the Greek island of Lesbos that you will soon find several things you love.
So I go with the flow, literally.
Switching to a kayak, I feel instantly in tune with the craft, to the extent it seems like part of me.
With very little effort I am whizzing across the water and drinking in the stunning scenery.
Framed by mountains, the gorgeous coastline is spoilt only by the occasional human horror show at the nearby nudist beach.
Maybe I should have left the binoculars at home.
Virtually the only buildings visible are the wooden beach bars and the pretty shore-hugging restaurants of Skala Eressos, which rest on stilts above the lapping water.
And they enhance the view.
Buoyed by new-found joy on the shiny briny I switch to sailing.
After a land lesson where I try to revive schoolboy skills, affable instructor Jack agrees to take me out on the water for a refresh.
While I’ve always found multi-person sailing akin to being constantly told to change seats while someone slaps you on the head and someone else throws buckets of water over you, the solo craft are endless fun.
After heading out on my own and enjoying the feeling of control you get from manoeuvring the nippy craft, I have to hurry to join my companion on the padel court.
Because this addictive racket sport proves the revelation of the holiday.
Newly added this summer, the game was a clincher for the British holidaymakers I spoke to when it came to choosing this fabulous resort.
This enclosed-court doubles game, huge in Spain and now taking off in the UK, is like a cross between tennis and squash, but superior to both.
Unlike tennis, which for the beginner is constant fetching balls and apologising, this game gives early joy.
A back wall keeps the ball in play, so when it goes flying past, all is not lost if you keep your head and volley the rebound back over the net.
Side walls can also be used and while the softer ball makes it a slower game than its racket rivals, it gives a gloriously satisfying thwack when you catch it right.
Even hardened tennis players admit they prefer that moment to meeting a tennis ball on the sweet spot.
After an enjoyable primer, I book further lessons and am soon arranging games with equally hooked strangers.
And the praise from coaches for winning shots is a welcome boost to my self-esteem after it took a battering at the beach.
Sunset stretch
There’s a lot to pack in but a warm breeze ensures the heat is pleasant, not stifling, so the constant activity never seems like an endurance test.
All sports and basic instruction are free and so is daily childcare for two to 17-year-olds, with half days included for babies over four months old and the option to pay for the other half day.
Other activities include HIIT, aqua fitness and cardio fitness.
Rooms and mini-apartments in the Aeolian Village are spacious, with some fabulous views of the bay, while the grounds of the hotel have elegant flowers, which gave me serious gardener’s envy.
And venturing outside the resort is delightful too.
Our first bike ride is leisurely, taking in the delightful Skala Eressos.
The village boardwalk boasts laid-back bars, where a pint costs £3.
The food is great value too.
Seven of us enjoyed plate after plate of delights, including fresh local mackerel and sardines, juicy salads and tasty veg fritters.
With a round of drinks, it still only worked out under £13 each.
From June to October this pretty village thrives.
But over the winter, the entire population shifts down the road and up the hill to twin village Eressos to escape the brutal storms.
Back at the hotel, the outdoor pool, with an adjacent family section, is ideal for a few cooling lengths before drip-drying and joining the outdoor sunset stretch.
Before dinners I liked to limber up with an excellent Zorba beer from the adjacent bar.
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And at the hotel restaurant, diners can tuck into a buffet of Brit favourites and Greek specialities, such as beef stifado and pork souvlaki, all while discussing sporty plans for the next day.
But for me, it’s padel over paddleboard every time.
GO: Lesbos
GETTING/STAYING THERE: Seven nights’ half-board at Mark Warner’s Aeolian Village Beach Resort is from £849pp, based on two sharing and including flights from Gatwick, transfers and a wide range of sports activities, tuition and fitness classes.
To book, go to or call 0845 322 5037.