Liverpool transfer news: The 7 steps Barcelona use to ‘tap up’ transfer targets like Philippe Coutinho
Liverpool treading a well worn path that usually ends with La Liga club getting their man
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WE'RE not suggesting in any way that Barcelona are tapping up Philippe Coutinho.
That is against Fifa rules.
Coutinho, as you probably all know by now, has been linked with Barcelona for more than a year.
His twisting and turning daily saga took up the whole of last summer and seems poised to take up the whole of January as well.
Coutinho has already been named a Barcelona by the Nike website, while Liverpool fans pray for him to stay and the Reds ownership try and wring every penny out of a player they must know is on the move.
But Liverpool won't be the first team to lose a player to the Nou Camp club, if it comes to that, and they won't be the last.
Latest Philippe Coutinho news and gossip
The La Liga giants have a foolproof strategy to entice a player to the club - and they aren't afraid to play dirty.
Just Arsenal fans about Thierry Henry or Cesc Fabregas.
Liverpool fans probably still remember the chase for Luis Suarez.
Here are the seven steps to Barcelona eventually, inevitably, getting their man.
STEP 1: Find him
Now this is the hard part, taking a global scouting network, hours of player identification, notes and analysis.
The player must fit a position of need, play with a certain style and, ideally, fit in with the Mes Que Un Club nonsense.
But once Barcelona have a player locked in their crosshairs it's very difficult to get away from them.
And once that player finds out he's wanted by Barca, not many can resist the lure of the Nou Camp.
In recent years Barcelona have rarely been frustrated in a chase for a star.
The team has been too good, the desire to play alongside Lionel Messi in front of 98,000 fans too strong.
Barcelona need someone to replace Neymar, not only on the playing field but comercially - Barca lost a lot of fans in Brazil when Neymar left for Paris Saint-Germain.
The scouts have done their homework and found their target.
STEP 2: Line up the legends
The next part of the chase is all about making the player, in this case Philippe Coutinho, feel wanted, like the move to Barcelona would be the greatest thing to happen in his career.
Is there a former team-mate in the current Barca squad that can tell the player how good it is at the Nou Camp?
Yep, Luis Suarez.
Are there any national compatriots in the Barcelona squad who can talk endlessly during boring international friendlies.
Well yes, there's Paulinho - who is a childhood friend.
Even Neymar seems up for having a word with Coutinho.
Is there a legend who everyone respects willing to talk up the club? Barca have Xavi on speed dial just for this.
Is there a Brazilian Barcelona legend who can do the same thing?
Remember Rivaldo?
STEP 3: Get in his ear
Now comes the hard work.
Luis Suarez will remind Coutinho how they were bezzies at Anfield.
Suarez will make Coutinho his Secret Santa and send him a bottle of vodka.
Suarez said: "Well, Philippe, your Secret Santa was me, and from Barcelona I send you a gift that I know you'll like a lot because I know you're going to remember the good times that we have."
The Secret Santa was organised on a WhatsApp group, so we know these guys are in regular contact.
Paulinho will remind Coutinho how they grew up together and how great it would be to play together regularly.
His arrival would be "great happiness" for Paulinho and will say: "I want him to come."
Neymar told Coutinho, via the media of course, he would "totally fit in" at Barcelona.
Xavi will say things like: "There are not many players that can improve Barcelona, but if you are asking me if he is one of them, on this form, I think he is."
Rivaldo will also butter him up.
"Coutinho is a very good player and, if he ends up signing for Barcelona, he will succeed easily," said the Brazilian legend on Wednesday.
STEP 4: Make an offensively low first bid
This is when it got real for Coutinho.
It's easy to ignore paper gossip and rumour but a real bid - heavily publicised of course - will turn the player's head.
The bid was embarrassingly low, on purpose.
Barcelona knew they weren't getting Coutinho for £72million in the summer, but it was all part of a scheme to ensure Coutinho is thinking about the move in the coming days, weeks and months.
If Barcelona get lucky, they can even unsettle a player so much that he hands in a transfer request.
Like Coutinho.
If the request is ignored, then the player may well get fed up and force through a move at the next available time.
STEP 5: Never miss an awkward photo opportunity
Arsenal fans will know all about this one.
If you're a Barcelona player you HAVE to carry a spare shirt around you all the time.
Especially during World Cup celebration parades.
ESPECIALLY if the player is not set to join in the immediate future.
Expect Coutinho to be spotted in the blue and garnet any day now.
STEP 6: Ensure the Catalan press (and your sponsors) are on board
Sport and Mundo Deportivo are key.
The two papers, printed in Barcelona, have long been the go-to place for club news.
If the club wants a story out there, Sport and Mundo know about it first.
Check their websites right now and see how many Coutinho stories there are.
There will be a couple of red herrings in their words, but the small details will reach the player.
It might be about how much money they earn, how long the contract will be, what role they can expect to play, or how the dressing room is looking forward to welcoming him.
Barca *cough cough*, I mean a work experience chap at who has since been sacked from Nike, took it a step further with Coutinho.
The American sportswear giant managed to name Coutinho as a Barcelona player last week by mistake.
Hmmmmmmm.
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STEP 7: The inevitable
Look away now Liverpool fans.
This is the bit where Barca get their man.
It may take longer than Barcelona wanted, but as Arnold Schwarzenegger said in Terminator 2: "Judgement Day is inevitable".