Chelsea 4 Manchester United 0: Jose Mourinho stunned as the Blues thrash United at Stamford Bridge

JOSE MOURINHO’S ego took a battering on his return to Stamford Bridge with Chelsea hammering Manchester United and Blues fans mocking their former idol.

A howler from the United defence after just 34 seconds, that let Pedro score, set the tone for the Portuguese’s embarrassing afternoon.

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And goals from Gary Cahill, Eden Hazard and N’Golo Kante killed United off and left them six points off the top of the table and only seven off the drop zone.

The fastest goal of the Premier League season so far came when Marcos Alonso dinked a hopeful ball down the line that befuddled the centre-back pairing of captain Chris Smalling, Daley Blind and keeper David de Gea. Pedro nipped in to poke home leaving Mourinho with a stunned smile as he turned away in shock.

And Smalling was again at fault for United’s second. The defender was supposed to be marking opposite captain Gary Cahill at corners, but he lost his man and the England defender smashed the ball into the roof of the net.

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David Luiz got away with a spiteful challenge on 40 minutes. Marouane Fellaini had been dishing it out a bit but the Brazilian went over the top with a knee-high tackle that left the Belgian wiggling about on the floor in pain, briefly.

On 62 minutes, Mourinho’s nightmare was complete. Hazard, accused last season of downing tools for his former boss in the wake of the Eva Carneiro row, made a mockery of Smalling’s marking and poked home.

And the best was still to come when N’Golo Kante – the defensive midfielder famous for his discipline and selflessness – danced through the pathetic United defence, leaving Smalling all at sea, and scuffed the ball perfectly past David de Gea.

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Zlatan Ibrahimovic looked a lonely figure up front for Manchester United

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FACTS, STATS, GOALS & LOLS

• Mourinho’s return to the Stamford Bridge touchline was muted, to say the least. No welcome-back roar from anyone.
• £30m defender Luke Shaw couldn’t even get on the bench for this United horror show. Daley Blind started at left-back and Marcos Rojo was a second-half sub.
• Jose's return got a lot louder after his side shipped the first goal after just 34 seconds. Stand-in skipper Chis Smalling let Pedro in to score.

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• A section of Chelsea fans turned on Mourinho after the second goal was thumped in by Gary Cahill. The unoriginal ‘You’re not special any more’ rang out.
• Conte looks like a well-dressed crab as he shuffles up and down the touchline side-to-side. His technical area is a waste of paint for how much time he spends in it.
• With United staring another embarrassing league defeat down the barrel at half-time, Mourinho rolled the dice and replaced Marouane Fellaini with playmaker Juan Mata. It looked like it might work – until Hazard struck.

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• Smalling had a nightmare. He dithered for the opener, lost Cahill for the second, allowed Hazard too much time and space for the killer third and was made to look like a pub player by Kante for the fourth.
• Zlatan Ibrahimovic disappeared when his side needed him most. Chelsea might have been vulnerable without John Terry but the Swede never tested them.
• Kante’s goal was brilliant. The idea that such a defensive player, known mainly for his running and tackling, could do that to the Manchester United defence caused giggles.
• Mourinho has now lost three of his first nine top-flight matches as Manchester United manager. His third defeat as Chelsea boss came in his 64th Premier League fixture.

BIG PICTURE

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SOCIAL SAYS

DREAM TEAM RATINGS

CHELSEA: Courtois 8, Azpilicueta 8, Luiz, Cahill 8, Moses 8, Kante 8, Matic 7, Alonso 8, Pedro 8 (Chalobah 71, 6), Costa 7 (Batshuayi 78, 6), Hazard 9 (Willian 78, 6).

Unused subs: Begovic, Oscar, Terry, Aina.

Booked: David Luiz, Alonso, Perez.

Goals: Pedro, Cahill, Hazard, Kante.

MANCHESTER UNITED: De Gea 5, Valencia 6, Bailly 6 (Rojo 52, 6), Smalling 5, Blind 6, Fellaini 6 (Mata 45, 6), Herrera 6, Rashford 5, Pogba 6, Lingard 6 (Martial 65, 5), Ibrahimovic 6.

Unused subs: Carrick, Young, Romero, Darmian.

Booked: Bailly, Pogba.

WHAT THEY SAID

Chelsea winger Eden Hazard: "It gives us a lot of confidence, we started well, we deserved to win, for the fans, for us, it is a great afternoon.

"It is a big game and we lost two big games this season against Liverpool and Arsenal, so it means a lot to our fans."

Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho: "It is one of those days when you give the advantage to opponents by doing nothing.

"We made incredible defensive mistakes, individual mistakes and you pay for that."