Jump directly to the content

THERE have been some tough old gigs for England over these last 147 years.

Overcoming West Germany in the 1966 World Cup final is right at the top of any list.

 Harry Kane took only 37 minutes to notch his hat-trick as England smashed Montenegro 7-0
9
Harry Kane took only 37 minutes to notch his hat-trick as England smashed Montenegro 7-0Credit: Reuters
 The captain moved on to 31 goals for his country in 44 games
9
The captain moved on to 31 goals for his country in 44 gamesCredit: PA:Press Association

Close behind is the night Terry Venables sent out a group of players to dismantle Holland in a 4-1 win at Euro 96.

That was proper, meaningful, football.

This, even in the 1,000th official fixture for the national team, was not.

England celebrated qualification for Euro 2020, but the field was weak and the opposition woeful.

Montenegro, 5-0 down inside 37 minutes, had no business being here.

For all the flag-waving in the stands and the endless tributes to the great-and-not-so great faces, this cannot be passed off as competitive.

Even the golden oldies wandering on to the pitch at half-time – Seaman (56), Gazza (52), Wazza (34), Trevor Francis (65), Tony Adams (53), Gerry Francis (67) – would have beaten Montenegro. Seriously.

It is a memorable night for Harry Kane, moving ahead of Alan Shearer and Tommy Finney in the all-time list of leading scorers.

After completing a hat-trick in 19 first-half minutes, he is just nine away from Michael Owen on 40.

9

At one stage, before Gareth Southgate spared Montenegro by substituting him after 57 minutes, it looked like he could have drawn level.

England were five without reply at half-time, punishing Montenegro with a ruthless display of finishing.

The fans were lapping it up, with chants of “Are you Scotland in disguise?” bouncing off the terraces.

Amazingly, Montenegro are worse.

This is a night when Gareth Southgate accelerated his plans to play something akin to Premier League leaders Liverpool.

It has been coming for a while now, but the giveaway was the role of his marauding full-backs in four of the five goals before half time.

Ben Chilwell makes a fine impression of Andy Robertson and Trent Alexander-Arnold starred as, well, himself.

Chilwell left the field with three assists, setting the tone when he clipped in a delicious ball for Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain.

The Ox was waiting patiently out on the right and when the ball fell at his feet, he whacked England’s opening goal beyond Milan Mijatovic.

 Southgate was able to maintain the momentum of the 6-0 romp past Bulgaria
9
Southgate was able to maintain the momentum of the 6-0 romp past BulgariaCredit: Reuters
 Paul Gascoigne and David Seaman were among the famous faces on the pitch for the 1,000th game celebrations
9
Paul Gascoigne and David Seaman were among the famous faces on the pitch for the 1,000th game celebrationsCredit: AFP or licensors

It has been two years and one injury nightmare since the Ox last appeared on a scoresheet for the national team.

For perseverance alone, he deserved one.

Harry got the first of three when Chilwell crossed for England’s captain to steer in their second.

He still had another 72 minutes to complete his hat-trick, but decided to get it all done and dusted before the break.

He levelled with Alan Shearer, Nat Lofthouse and Tom Finney on 30 when Chilwell sent in another inviting – that word – cross for Kane to score with a free header.

PICK OF THE BUNCH

As ridiculous as this will sound, Montenegro forced a very, very good save from Jordan Pickford when Marko Simic met Sead Haskabanovic’s free-kick with a header.

It is a wonder Pickford was awake.

He got a pat on the back for that from his team-mates and then they went up the other end to score again.

This time the Ox was involved in the build-up, sending a cross in for Harry Maguire to meet with a header.

Imagine his surprise when Mijatovic saved, but at least Marcus Rashford was around to sidestep Montenegro’s defence to make it four.

If the ref, Antonio Mateu Lohoz, had anything about him he would have sent off Marko Vesovic for sticking his nut in Rashford’s face when he conceded a free-kick.

Imagine, just imagine, Montenegro down to 10. Maybe not.

England got back to the job in hand, with Kane completing his hat-trick 37 minutes in.

 Rashford got a face full of Montenegrin during the first-half
9
Rashford got a face full of Montenegrin during the first-halfCredit: Reuters
 Tammy Abraham made it seven with his first England goal
9
Tammy Abraham made it seven with his first England goalCredit: Reuters

It was TAA’s cross this time, trademark stuff from the Liverpool full-back for the England’s main man to complete his scoring.

There was more to come.

Before it, James Maddison became the 1,245th footballer to pull on the jersey when he replaced the Ox after 56 minutes.

He has been waiting a while for this moment, but the roulette wheel finally stopped on his lucky number.

Maddison, like many others, showed some nice touches in an encouraging half hour cameo.

Mason Mount had a first England goal disallowed for offside before they finally broke the, er, second-half deadlock.

It is credited to Aleksandr Sofranac, turning in a ludicrous own goal after Tammy Abraham, Rashford and Mount all tried their luck.

Abraham still got his goal, five minutes from time when he applied the finishing touch to Jadon Sancho’s cross.

There was plenty of goodwill out there, because Raheem Sterling had clapped his buddy Joe Gomez on to the field when he came on as a 70th minute substitute.

Gomez, like every other England player, had a ludicrously easy night.

If this was against anyone other than Montenegro, you would say they were a cut above.

 Oxlade-Chamberlain announced his return to the England squad with a goal
9
Oxlade-Chamberlain announced his return to the England squad with a goalCredit: Reuters
 A pocket of boos met Joe Gomez's introduction off the bench following Raheem Sterling's bust-up with the defender
9
A pocket of boos met Joe Gomez's introduction off the bench following Raheem Sterling's bust-up with the defenderCredit: Reuters
Topics