ENGLAND rugby World Cup hero Steve Thompson has bravely revealed that he often cannot remember the names of his children.
Thompson, 46, packed away all the medals, trophies and memorabilia after his shock early-onset dementia diagnosis left him feeling suicidal.
At the age of 42, the former front row was diagnosed with both dementia and chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) in 2020.
Thompson is set to bravely tell all in a TNT documentary that showcases the damage the sport has done to his mind.
The loving dad-of-four young kids sat down with ex-team-mate Phil Vickery to share a heartbreaking update in his house in Cheshire.
The pair first pointed to pictures of Thompson's young children as he tried to recall their names: Seren, Slone, Saskia and Saxon.
Vickery began: "What do you remember of 2003?"
A defeated Thompson responded: "It's weird. There's nothing there. I can't even remember being in Australia.
"The whole lot is gone. And there's nothing there. My life, everything around then, is just not there."
Vickery quizzed: "What about anything from when we got back, from the open top bus or the palace?"
Thompson said: "No, nothing. It's just not there. My life has turned upside down. Getting lost, memory issues and anger issues.
"I went through a massive guilt stage for the kids and Steph. Then I've been close to suicide. You feel like you're the most selfless person if you went.
"When I see myself or see the other lads I feel like a phoney in a way. Like it weren't me that was there. Like I didn't do it."
But this flanker-turned-hooker will go down in history a rugby legend, starring in all but one of England's games en route to World Cup glory.
And Thompson had only made his Red Rose debut a year prior against Scotland.
His upbringing on one of Northampton’s most impoverished estates and a spell as a doorman meant he was fearless.
Perhaps the saddest moment of his sit down with Vickery came when Thompson admitted that he regrets the career he once loved.
He heartbreaking said: "The thing with rugby is, if I had my time again, I wouldn't do it.
"I'd much rather just go and work on a building site, have a normal life. The way I look at is, that was our job, we got asked to do that.
"And you do it to the best of your ability. You don't question anything around it. And that's why we probably did as well as we did."
He can’t remember his first concussion, nor the last, just that across one of the great rugby careers he saw ‘the white dots’ most weeks.
THE word 'dementia' is the name for a set of symptoms that includes memory loss, difficulty thinking, problem solving and struggling with language.
A person with dementia will often experience changes in their mood and behaviour.
Dementia is often triggered by diseases that damage the brain, including Alzheimer's disease as well as strokes.
The disease is thought to be triggered by a build-up of proteins that form abnormal structures, known as 'plaques', in the brain.
It's a progressive disease, which means that gradually over time, more parts of the brain are damaged.
As this happens more symptoms emerge and get worse.
Dementia is considered to be 'early onset' when someone is diagnosed before the age of 65.
A study last year found that football and rugby players are six times more likely to have a degenerative brain disease called chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), which is linked to repetitive brain trauma.
The Hemel Hempstead-born star, who grew up in Northampton, started the 2003 final Down Under at hooker.
He played for Northampton Saints for nine years, making 195 appearances.
After Jonny Wilkinson's drop goal won England their one and only World Cup, Thompson and co. were awarded Order of the British Empire medals by Queen Elizabeth II upon their return.
But Thompson cannot recall any of it.
While other players retired after 2003, he went on to play in the 2011 World Cup too despite having broken his neck in 2007.
Steve’s professional career spanned 13 years until another neck break brought it to a close in 2011.
"We treat them like bits of meat that just have to train and do what we tell them to do, and when they're no good we get rid of them - and that's what happens.
Steve Thompson
In 2020, Thompson was one of a group of players who launched a legal case to for negligence.
The former Saints stalwart, as well as Michael Lipman and former Wales No8 Alix Popham, were all named as test cases in action being brought against the RFU, World Rugby and Welsh Rugby Union.
The case is still ongoing four years later, with four more British & Irish Lions joining the list of players.
Lee Byrne, Gareth Cooper, Harry Ellis and Phil Greening, who toured with the Lions between 2001 and 2009, are among a group of 43 who can now be identified.
According to the , British law firm Rylands Legal are in contact with over 100 other former players as part of the historic lawsuit.
The claimants allege rugby union's governing bodies failed to put in place reasonable measures to protect their health and safety.
A trial date for the lawsuit will not be set until 2025 at the earliest.
Thompson told "I don't want the game to stop, but it's just everyone at the top looking down, saying the main asset of this lovely game is the players.
"We've got to make sure we treat them like that.
"We treat them like bits of meat that just have to train and do what we tell them to do, and when they're no good we get rid of them - and that's what happens.
"They're all human beings, and we've got to make sure they have a proper life after the sport as well."
Last year, Thompson became the first sportsperson to pledge their brain for research into the consequences of brain trauma, such as CTE, a disorder that is caused by repeated brain injuries.
“When it comes to the CTE aspect and the repetitive head injuries, it’s coming from the training as well,” Thompson said on GMB in April.
“World Rugby says it’s our number one priority looking after the players, they’re just about to put in another world tournament for clubs."
The film documents all of this - from Thompson and his family trying to come to terms with his diagnosis, to him lending his voice to the fight to make rugby safer
Thompson, who won 73 England caps, also says he suffers panic attack and forgets his wife Steph’s name sometimes.
He previously told the BBC in April that the memory of his children's birth is now starting to fade.
The former hooker, who helped the British Lions secure a 20-17 victory over Australia in 2013, is now the manager of one of his three daughter's U12 football sides.
