NOAH'S BARK
‘What did you expect? They’re not supposed to be here’, say Noah in hilarious statement after 8-0 drubbing vs Chelsea
Europe’s third-tier competition is the only title missing from Chelsea’s trophy list
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FC NOAH asked the world "what did you expect?" after they were destroyed 8-0 by Chelsea at Stamford Bridge.
Transfermarkt puts the value of the entire Noah squad at £6.5million - compared to Chelsea's £1.4 BILLION-rated assembly of stars.
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No wonder Chelsea are favourites to win the competition - their squad is worth just £83m less than the other 35 teams COMBINED.
Meanwhile hapless Noah were named after the biblical ark, which came to rest on Mount Ararat, a national symbol of Armenia.
And the floodgates soon opened as the Chelsea lions came roaring first through Tosin Adarabioyo and Marc Guiu inside 13 minutes.
Goals from Axel Disasi, misfit Mykhailo Mudryk and a double from Joao Felix, who is yet to start in the Prem, made it 6-0 by half-time.
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Top striker Christopher Nkunku, who can't get a blip of Prem action either, scored his ninth and tenth goals of the season, through a rebound and a harsh penalty to cap off a historic night.
But Armenia's fourth best team were hilariously realistic in their post-match response.
Noah "What did you all really expect to happen against one of the best teams in the world.
"That's not supposed to be in the Conference League, and has a squad value 124 times bigger than ours?"
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Neither team belongs in this competition with twice Champions League winners Chelsea slumming it after a couple of crazy seasons following a takeover in 2022.
Minnows Noah have only been in existence for seven years and had to scrap all the way through three qualifying rounds and a play off just for a chance to play under the lights in West London.
Chelsea's Dominant Victory over Noah: Player Ratings Breakdown
Top five squad values in Conference League
- Chelsea (England): £1.4billion
- Fiorentina (Italy): £268million
- Real Betis (Spain): £170million
- Copenhagen (Denmark): £85million
- Gent (Belgium): £80million
Thursday night's 8-0 victory broke the previous Conference League record win.
The old record for the highest victory was Norwegian side Nordsjaelland's 7-1 triumph over Bulgarian outfit Ludogerets in October 2023.
After three games Chelsea have scored 16 goals, twice the total of the next-best team Legia Warszawa.
Europe’s third-tier competition is the only title missing from Chelsea’s trophy list and it already seems a matter of time before they put that right.
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Blues supporters may as well book their flights and hotels in the Polish city of Wroclaw for next May because it seems inconceivable that Enzo Maresca’s B team will not make it to the final.
But it's not an entirely foregone conclusion - Tottenham failed to win it in 2021 and Aston Villa were sunk by Olympiacos in last season's semi-final.
Meanwhile Cole Palmer isn't even in the League Phase squad.
He was spotted standing in a tracksuit pitch-side with Prem regular Levi Colwill, as the pair took pictures and signed autographs for fans.
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Chelsea supporters saw Palmer's presence as a boost ahead of Sunday's crunch clash against Arsenal.
The 22-year-old was considered a doubt, after picking up a knock during the Blues' 1-1 draw with Manchester United last weekend.
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Chelsea ratings vs Noah
SUNSPORT'S Dan King rates Chelsea's young guns after their flood of goals against Noah.
FILIP JORGENSEN - 7
Kept out shot before floodgates opened at other end. Made other sharp saves, including late brave one. Looks a solid No 2.
AXEL DISASI - 7
Out of position for early Noah chance but in right place to head in third. Good link-up with George on the right.
TOSIN ADARABIOYO - 7
Recovered from shaky start defensively to open scoring and his own Chelsea account. Steadier after the break.
BENOIT BADIASHILE - 6
Like Tosin, not entirely convincing as Noah created a few first-half openings, although made one good block. Also better in 2nd half.
RENATO VEIGA - 5
Couple of early mistakes, one of which could have been costly, set tone. Not as impressive as in previous ECL games.
ENZO FERNANDEZ - 8
On his own in midfield in the first half yet was able to provide three assists, two from corners, and look very comfortable.
TYRIQUE GEORGE - 8
Teenage winger made most of first senior start, beating opponents at will and sending in dangerous crosses. Worked back, too.
CHRISTOPHER NKUNKU - 7
Looked less hungry to tuck in to goal buffet. But went up front for 2nd half and scored twice after missing two good chances.
JOAO FELIX - 8
At it from the start, missed an early chance but then scored twice in a swaggering first half. Disappointed not to complete hat-trick.
MYKHAILO MUDRYK - 7
Much quieter than George until he cut inside and smashed home with confidence that had seemed lacking. Decent workrate.
MARC GUIU - 7
The 18-year-old striker worked hard as ever and got his reward, bagging his first Chelsea goal and stealing ball ahead of Felix’s first.
SUBS
KIERNAN DEWSBURY-HALL (for Guiu, HT) - 6
Some neat touches and won penalty for eighth Blues goal.
CESARE CASADEI (for Fernandez, HT) - 6
Found life as easy as Enzo, yet unable to make the same creative impact.
CARNEY CHUKWUEMEKA (for George, 68) - 5
Took a while to get going and missed decent chance to make it nine.
SAMUEL RAK-SAKYI (for Nkunku, 80) - 6
Teenager mostly composed on first-team debut but shot over bar with goal gaping.
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