Who is rugby ref Nigel Owens? Welshman bravely came out as gay, fought bulimia and overcame suicide
NIGEL OWENS has retired from international rugby refereeing with immediate effect after officiating his final match.
The Welshman, 49, is one of the most respected figures in world rugby — and a mould-breaker in every sense.
The Welshman, the current record holder for most test matches refereed with 100, was took charge of the 2015 World Cup final as well as the England vs New Zealand semi-final just over a year ago.
And Owens, awarded an MBE in 2016 for services to sport, has had his own challenges through the years.
In 2007, the Mynyddcerrig-native shocked the sports world by coming out as gay.
Before that, tortured with accepting his sexuality, he admitted he tried to kill himself and revealed how he asked a doctor about chemical castration.
Owens has also fought with bulimia, explaining how it affected his life in a Panorama documentary in 2017.
IN THE BEGINNING
Owens had rugby aspirations of his own when he was at school, but it was his sports teacher John Beynon who pointed him towards being a ref.
"I first started refereeing rugby matches when I was in school," he wrote in .
"I played as a full-back, but after missing a crucial, match-winning conversion, I was told by a teacher to consider becoming a referee.
"He was half-joking, but I thought, ‘Why not?’
"Since then, I’ve had the chance to oversee some of the biggest rugby games going. However, it hasn’t been an easy journey."
It's such a big taboo to be gay in my line of work, I had to think very hard about it because I didn't want to jeopardise my career."
A GAY REF IN A MACHO SPORT
Owens made the brave decision 12 years ago to come out in an interview with Wales On Sunday.
"It's such a big taboo to be gay in my line of work, I had to think very hard about it because I didn't want to jeopardise my career," he confessed.
"Coming out was very difficult and I tried to live with who I really was for years. I knew I was 'different' from my late teens, but I was just living a lie."
Refereeing in such a macho sport also hindered his decision.
"When I became a referee, it became clear that there was nobody in the sport who was gay.
"The rugby world is very heterosexual and masculine, and this made things difficult.
"Although that’s not to say that the sport is openly homophobic. It was just never an environment where I felt like I could be myself."
TORTURED BY HIS SEXUALITY
Owens knew he was gay in his late teens.
He had many girlfriends, and it took him years to come to terms with his own sexuality.
"I was 18 when I started realising something was different about me.
"In school I had girlfriends; when I was in my early twenties I had a girlfriend for a year.
"But I always knew something wasn’t right. I thought, "I will make myself fall in love with this girl", but that never happened and never would.
"Eventually I thought, "I can’t do this anymore."
In 1996, I tried to take my own life. I was 26 years old. A police helicopter had to be sent out to look for me. I had overdosed, and if they hadn’t found me when they did, then it would have been too late."
A DESPERATE ATTEMPT
When he was 26 Owens was at his lowest ebb. He tried to commit suicide.
"In 1996, I tried to take my own life. I was 26 years old", he said.
"A police helicopter had to be sent out to look for me. If they hadn’t found me when they did, then it would have been too late.
"For the next nine years I tried to hide it away and never told anyone why I had tried to take my own life.
"But again it was too much. I wasn’t able to carry on with my refereeing because I wasn’t happy with who I was."
Owens later told Kirsty Young on BBC Radio 4's Desert Island Discs that he had asked a doctor about chemical castration before he accepted his sexuality.
BULIMIA
Since he was a teen, Owens has suffered with bulimia nervosa - a disorder of overeating followed by fasting or self-induced vomiting.
Two years ago, he presented a Panorama documentary about men and eating disorders, and was frank about the feelings he felt being overweight.
"In my eyes I was obese and thought 'no-one who I find attractive was ever going find me attractive while I'm fat", he said.
"So, I started making myself sick.
"I loved food then as much as I do now. I'd eat all I wanted then go to the loo and make myself sick.
"I suffered from mild colitis, a bowel condition, so would use that as an ideal excuse to friends when I had to slip off to the toilet all the time.
"I was lying and being sly which only exacerbated my depression.
"Before long I was bringing up every meal I ate. Over a period of four months, I'd lost five stone."
HE'S LAUGHING NOW
Rugby will always be a sport that's filled with macho men.
But after Owens came out, players were supportive and, what's most important for a ref, they gave him respect.
And he even gets to joke around with them too.
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"I remember refereeing the Ospreys once, and their captain Ryan Jones was in the changing rooms," he recalled.
"I walked in and he said, 'Hang on, Nigel, let me put some clothes on' and I said 'It makes no difference to me, Jughead [his nickname], you’re too ugly anyway'.
He laughed, I laughed, and all the other players laughed."