I’m sick of being taken for a ride too — but a Corbyn nationalisation of railways would be the slow train to hell

THE British commuter gets treated like a cross between cattle and a cash point machine.

Blame the greedy, rapacious, privately-owned train companies, who are hiking their prices by 3.2 per cent in January, adding an average £100 to season tickets for their lousy service.

And blame the strike-crazy, Labour-backing union bosses who relish seeing commuters suffer and dream of Comrade Corbyn nationalising the railways.

But why would anyone want to see the commuter-loathing National Union of Rail, Maritime and Transport (RMT) Workers with even more power?

Like some Arthur Scargill tribute band, the RMT is far more interested in stopping trains than running them, promising more strikes before Christmas in protest against driver-only-operated trains — a service that has been widely in operation now for around 30 years.

And you can blame the pampered politicians who see the world from the back seat of their chauffeur-driven limos and are reluctant to treat our railway network as an essential public service.

Blame the lot of them.

Because last Monday — Meltdown Monday — was a new low for our terrible trains, with hundreds of thousands of commuters unable to get to work or stranded when they tried to return home.

In the North, a points failure outside Manchester and leaves on the line caused mayhem on Northern Rail.

Leaves on the line in autumn. Who could have seen that one coming?

In the South, commuters heading for Waterloo, the busiest railway station in Britain, saw 269 trains cancelled or severely delayed before 11am and people were helpfully advised by South Western Railway: “Do not travel.”

This would be pitiful enough in some Third World failed state. For a major economy facing all the uncertainties and challenges of the post-Brexit world, it is not good enough. You can’t tell hard-grafting taxpayers “Do not travel”. Getting to work is not optional.

But it is a lie for the Labour Party to pretend that nationalising the trains and transforming them into some 21st Century version of British Rail will save our rotten railway network.

The widespread misery of Meltdown Monday was largely caused by the failure of Network Rail to complete engineering works on time.

And Network Rail is already a publicly owned company, run by the Department of Transport.

You see the problem, Mr Corbyn? You can’t nationalise a company that is already publicly owned.

In fact, most of our railway network is already run by the state — just not the British state.

The majority of British rail franchises are owned by foreign state-backed operators.

France’s SNCF, Holland’s state-owned Nederlandse Spoorwegen and Germany’s state-backed Deutsche Bahn all own big chunks of our rail network, while the dreaded South Western Railway is jointly owned by China’s state-owned MTR Corporation and British company FirstGroup.

But if you want to know what our rail network would look like after Jeremy Corbyn has nationalised it, then consider the total contempt with which the RMT treats the British commuter unlucky enough to rely on its crummy service.

Yet the fantasy of nationalising the railways will grow and grow if this Tory Government does not start owning the problem.

This country can’t afford any more Meltdown Mondays. We can’t afford the sadistic, politically motivated strikes of the RMT.

We can’t afford foreign state-backed rail franchises treating the British commuter like livestock to be milked at will.

And, above all, we can’t afford to tell our grafters: “Do not travel to work.”

The British commuter — all those thousands of quiet, uncomplaining, hard-working taxpayers — are being treated like mugs.

Some Tories are trying to freeze rail fares in the new year, which would be welcome but not get the trains running on time.

The Government must understand that our post-Brexit economy desperately needs a rail network that is fit for purpose.

Before Comrade Corbyn has us all glumly munching a stale British Rail cheese and tomato sandwich, riding the slow train to hell.

Seventies sex symbol

WHEN I was a Seventies pop kid, the great sex symbol of that glam, gender-bending, sexually androgynous age was Amanda Lear.

In the Sixties, Amanda, pictured, dated Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones and surrealist painter Salvador Dali but pop-crazy kids like me first learned about Lear when she appeared on the cover of the second Roxy Music album.

I use the word “she” advisedly.

Because the big rumour about Amanda Lear was that she had once been a he.

And when you saw Amanda sprawling all over David Bowie’s keyboards like some mighty Amazon, or striking an assertive pose on the Roxy Music album cover, it was easy to believe that she had once been a man.

So imagine my surprise when I read in this week’s Sun that Amanda Lear has been a woman all along.

“I’m a coat rack,” laughed Amanda. “And people used me to hang up all their fantasies.”

But if Amanda’s sex has been sorted, her age remains uncertain. The best guess is 72.
And you know you are knocking on a bit when Amanda says: “The next guy who will see me naked is the medical examiner.”

May deals bad Brexit to Leavers

HAS Theresa May delivered Brexit for you?

The truth is that the 17.4million of us who voted to leave the European Union are divided now.

Some will see the headline about the Prime Minister, pictured, securing the end to freedom of movement – meaning anyone from the EU being free to swan into the UK at will – and think, “Job done”.

But leaving the EU was never simply about immigration.

For many of us, the dream was that our country would be free to trade with old friends like Australia, New Zealand, the US and Canada, and strike lucrative trade deals with emerging economic powerhouses such as India and China.

Mrs May’s deal does not set us free to trade with the world, whatever flannel she tells us. But her deal is not yet done.

First it must get the approval of the 27 other EU nations, then it has to get through Parliament – where Mrs May is dependent upon the DUP, although for some inexplicable reason she always acts as though she isn’t dependent upon the DUP.

Perhaps she believes that the DUP will do anything to stop the IRA groupies who now run the Labour Party from getting into 10 Downing Street.

I suspect she has misjudged the DUP.

And I believe that she has delivered a Brexit for the 16million who voted to stay in the EU.

As she was a Remainer herself, that comes as no great shock. But when her deal fails – in Brussels today, or in Westminster very soon – not a single soul will weep for it.

Scared Bungle's not evil

IN this land of animal lovers, Bungle the big dopey runaway chow-chow was never going to get put down under the Dangerous Dogs Act for giving a police officer a couple of nips.

Common sense and The Sun have prevailed, and Bungle has been returned to the loving home that he foolishly ran away from before getting into his scrape with the law.

After absconding, Bungle was found shivering under a lorry, giving a policeman a minor bite on the hand and the arm when the copper kindly tried to rescue him.

Not pleasant, of course. But no limbs were lost.

There are eight million dog owners in this country. Every one of them will tell you the same thing – Bungle, pictured, bit that bobby not because he is an evil dog but because he was scared.

And if Bungle is a dangerous dog, then I am a dachshund.

Lulu licked better than Cheryl

LULU used to do a song called I’m A Tiger where she would lick her wrist in a cat-like fashion, looking totally adorable.

Cheryl Tweedy did exactly the same gesture during her rendition of Love Made Me Do It on The X Factor last week and just looked weird.

Lulu looked like a cat that had got the cream.

Cheryl looked like she had dropped a bit of her dinner on her hand.

Spain in the a**e

SPANISH foreign minister Josep Borrell says that Spain will support an independent Scotland joining the EU.

The Spanish are remarkably broad-minded about the break-up of the UK.

Madrid was far less understanding when the people of Catalonia held a referendum about independence from Spain last year, bussing in thuggish cops to beat up women and trash polling booths.

The referendum was deemed illegal by Madrid but more than two million Catalans voted for independence from Spain.

Less than 200,000 voted against.

Scotland had a referendum and decided to remain in the UK. If Scotland had voted to leave, the rest of the UK would have wished them well. Our Government would not have sent in state thugs to beat up women.

In the UK, the loudest proponents of Scottish independence are free to call for another referendum whenever they like.

In Spain, many leading Catalan politicians are in jail or exile. Oh, senor – no wonder Gibraltar wants to stay British!