I CAN’T understand these shrill calls for a second EU referendum by the Monster Raving Lib Dem Party. Surely that’s exactly what we are having right now?
But Remainers prefer to indulge in wishful thinking.
Ian McEwan, the elderly novelist, predicts that Brexit will not actually happen because those of us who voted for it will die of old age.
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It is ironic the 70-year-old McEwan expects the youth the rescue his European Union fantasyCredit: Getty Images
“By 2019, the country could be in a receptive mood for a second EU referendum,” McEwan told a rally of drooling, eye-swivelling, pro-Brussels fanatics.
“2.5million over-18s, freshly franchised and mostly Remainers: 1.5million oldsters, mostly Brexiteers, freshly in their graves.”
McEwan, who turns 70 next year, is no spring chicken.
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Remainer Gina Miller stamped her foot because the world was not going in the direction she wantedCredit: Getty Images
Indeed, if Ian were a chicken, he would be long past his “consume by” date.
So it is gloriously ironic that McEwan expects the “yoof” to rescue his fading European Union fantasy.
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Bob Geldof was an advertisement for BrexitCredit: gavin rodgers/pixel
He just wants us dead.
But if you want to stop it happening, Mr McEwan, the time is now.
The great Brexit debate is ending. Remainers need to knock on doors. Stick leaflets through letterboxes. Get out on the streets. Show us you would be willing to die — or at least graze your knee — for that EU flag.
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Christine Lagarde attempted to bully the British into submissionCredit: PA
Don’t just be a whining old git.
But the best advertisements for Brexit were always those who were most vehemently against it.
And all the finger-wagging cheerleaders of Project Fear — Cameron, Obama, Osborne and the IMF’s Christine Lagarde — who attempted to bully the British people into submission, this happy breed who nobody has been able to bully for 1,000 years.
How could anyone not look at these sanctimonious creatures and not do exactly the opposite of what they wanted us to do?
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McEwan has made a classic Remainer mistakeCredit: Getty Images
But McEwan takes the chocolate digestive.
He dreams of freshly dug graves for those of us who want nothing more than for our country to be a proud, free nation once more, trading with old friends and new allies alike.
A little harsh, Anthony, but I understand where you are coming from.
There is no need for Mrs May to reach out quite so desperately to former Labour voters. Totally betrayed by Labour, they are already reaching out for her.
Swift likes the Brits
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Taylor Swift seems to like the BritsCredit: Getty Images
Before him, there was Harry Styles, Calvin Harris and Tom Hiddleston.
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But the British are fans of TaylorCredit: Getty Images
The feeling is mutual. British men like Taylor Swift.
Because there is always the sneaking suspicion you are probably going to be next.
Labour's income attacks
LABOUR’S plans to hike income tax can hardly be portrayed as soaking the rich.
Reducing the threshold for 45 per cent tax from £150,000 to £80,000 means head teachers, senior police officers and your doctor will all be obliged to pay more.
And they are hardly Russian oligarchs, are they?
What inevitably happens when politicians start hiking taxes is that a lot of ordinary people simply choose to work a lot less. So the Treasury – the magic money tree that actually pays for the schools, the roads and the NHS – receives less revenue.
It is not simply that the intellectual midgets of the Labour Party know nothing about economics.
Labour knows b***er all about human nature.
A flop at the Becks office
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King Arthur with David Beckham was a flopCredit: AP:Associated Press
Guy Ritchie’s clunky film – affectionately dubbed Hamelot – was meant to be the first of a series of six films.
But don’t hold your breath for the sequel after Arthur crashed and burned at the US box office and studio bosses steel themselves for massive multimillion-dollar losses.
When Beckham’s character, Sir Jellied of Eels, confronts young Arthur as he contemplates pulling mythical sword Excalibur from the stone, Becks speaks in a mockney accent so unconvincing his acting coach must have been Dick Van Dyke circa his “Gor blimey, guv’nor!” performance in Mary Poppins.
“’Ands on the ’ilt, stoopid!” squeaks Beckham, above. “Bof ’ands!”
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Piers Morgan took a pop at David Beckham over King Arthur
How can someone born in Leytonstone do such a crap Cockney accent?
A reviewer kindly describes King Arthur as “infectious”.
So is genital herpes.
I AM with the litter warden who has been caught boasting he wants to hand out tickets “like Smarties”.
BBC’s Panorama revealed the warden is on a £5 reward for every ticket issued after the first four.
Are we meant to be shocked? Too many people treat their garbage as something someone else should pick up.
I hope that litter warden makes a million.
Brady's ashes will not be scattered on Saddleworth
IAN BRADY’S ashes will not be scattered on Saddleworth Moor, confirms his lawyer, but will be disposed of in a “right and proper” manner. I doubt it.
Because that would mean chucking Brady’s ashes down the nearest toilet.
'Social' sewer is optional
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Emily Owen has received sexist remarks on social mediaCredit: Wales News Service
LABOUR election candidate Emily Owen, 22, has understandably reacted furiously to sexist remarks posted online after she launched her campaign to represent Aberconwy in North Wales.
“Sexism is not okay,” Emily chided on her Facebook page, reporting that men had asked her “what sexual acts I’m prepared to perform to get votes, what bra size I am, how many votes were needed for me to strip.”
Emily, above, seems like a decent candidate, an idealistic young working-class woman – a section of our society that is wickedly unrepresented at Westminster.
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Eleanor Tomlinson has removed herself from social mediaCredit: Dave Benett
And she is correct to say a male candidate would not be asked about the girth of his manhood.
But if she doesn’t want to encounter legions of sexually inadequate little men whose idea of a good time is abusing any woman in the public eye, she needs to keep off Facebook and Twitter.
The stunning actress Eleanor Tomlinson, who plays Demelza in Poldark, has no digital presence precisely because she can’t stand all the woman-hating toerags shrieking their spiteful abuse.
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The stunning actress appeared in Poldark
“Frankly, I don’t want to let trolls into my life,” Eleanor says. And yet who ruled the red carpet at the Baftas?
Eleanor Tomlinson.
The morning after the glittering night before, it was Eleanor’s dazzling smile that filled the papers.
Tomlinson is not on Facebook, Twitter or any other vastly overrated media platform. And Eleanor’s Facebook-free career could hardly be going better.
When will we finally understand?
Swimming in these digital sewers is not compulsory.
Even Jeremy Corbyn is no match for IRA lover Tony Blair
CAPTAIN ROBERT NAIRAC was 28 when he was abducted, tortured and murdered by the IRA while undercover in Northern Ireland 40 years ago.
His body has never been found. But now it emerges that two men implicated in his murder, Pat Maguire and Terry McCormick, were granted amnesty by Tony Blair with two of his notorious “comfort letters” while they were on the run.
When it comes to giving support and succour to the IRA, even Jeremy Corbyn is no match for Blair.
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