Brits know life must change after coronavirus but c’mon Boris Johnson… give us hope

Hope, sweet hope, is what we need.

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Not vapid spin or empty promises about a return to life as it was before because we all understand that it is not going to happen.

Professor Chris Whitty, the Chief Medical Officer, has told Britain to prepare for another year of “disruptive” social-distancing measures.

And we get it. So many parts of our lives before coronavirus seem unthinkable now — going to the gym, catching a plane or simply hanging out with friends.

Can you imagine football stadia packed with 60,000 people at the start of next season? Me neither.

But there is a growing realisation that we need to know when life will be allowed to go on. That healthy businesses will be allowed to survive.

That students will be able to continue their education. That people suffering from cancer will be ­diagnosed, treated and given the chance to fight for their life.

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Because none of these things are happening now.

In a normal month, around 30,000 people are diagnosed with cancer. This month it is expected to be less than 5,000, because so few people are having their symptoms diagnosed.

In the war against coronavirus, everything has had to take a back seat to beating the disease.

Earning a living. Education. Even fighting cancer. And we understand.

But now we want to see the road to the future. We want some HOPE.

Yes, it is absolutely right that all our efforts have been poured into preventing the NHS from being overwhelmed. But the collateral damage has been apocalyptic.

Research by the Corporate Finance Network says between 800,000 and a million small-to-medium businesses — the engine room of the UK ­economy — now face going bust.

Cancer expert Karol Sikora warns that if the current ­situation is allowed to continue for just six months, then there could be an extra 50,000 deaths from cancer in the coming years.

Home schooling may work well for middle-class children with their own laptop, a quiet space to study and a fast wifi connection, but for poor kids the closure of schools has been a ­catastrophe.

Online learning creates a cruel digital divide between the rich and the poor. Headteachers told Sky News that in some schools, 40 per cent of pupils do not have a home computer or internet access.

If we want anything resembling a fair, socially mobile society, this simply can’t be allowed to go on for ever.

This is not some crass choice between saving lives and saving ­livelihoods.

We must work out a way forward that strives with every sinew to save BOTH. For without a functioning economy, who the hell pays for the NHS?

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Failure on epic scale

We are not beating the virus if we allow a million businesses to fail.

We are not beating the virus if we allow 50,000 men, women and ­children to die of cancer.

We are not beating the virus if we allow a generation of working-class children to be robbed of their ­education.

That is not what victory looks like. That is failure on an epic scale.

The great British public has reacted to this crisis with decency and a heightened sense of community. But now we want some hope.

We hear a lot of talk about essential workers but EVERYONE with a family to support is an essential worker to that family.

Politicians blithely state that hairdressers will have to remain closed for six months.

Do these over-educated fools understand what they are saying?

That means every hairdresser in the country will go out of business.

Sorry — that’s nowhere near good enough.

Lockdown comes up for review on May 7. The nation needs to be told when it can start getting back to work.

Some reports suggest that the Prime Minister will be taking control again as soon as tomorrow.

Let’s hope so.

Because this country has never needed Boris Johnson’s optimism more than it does now.

Daryl the heart breaker

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THINK of Daryl Hannah and you immediately think of Pris, the sexy cyborg in Blade Runner, her gymnast thighs clamped around Harrison Ford’s neck.

Or is that just me?

But history will remember Daryl as Hollywood’s greatest heartbreaker.

“I knew I would love Daryl with my whole heart for ever and that love has lost none of its strength,” writes Val Kilmer in his brutally frank new autobiography.

“I am still in love with Daryl,” confesses the Heat star.

“When we broke up, I cried every single day for half a year.”

It’s not just Val Kilmer carrying a torch for Daryl.

The greatest break-up record of all time is I’m Alive by Jackson Browne – which bitterly mourns the end of Jackson’s nine-year relation­ship with Daryl.

In her younger days Daryl dated John F Kennedy Jnr and for the last two years she has been married to Neil Young.

As a romantic CV, that takes some beating.

I can imagine Jackson Browne lifting a wry eyebrow at Val’s revelation that he cried about Daryl every day for six months.
Only six months?

Royally perfect ... almost

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THE Royal Family has played a blinder during this national emergency.

The Queen celebrated her 94th birthday this week with scaled-down celebrations.

For the first time in her reign, there were no gun salutes.

From her unforgettable speech to the nation to those muted birthday celebrations, the Queen has demonstrated a genius for striking the right note.

Meanwhile, Kate and William have been visible cheerleaders to the nation’s spirit, talking remotely to charity workers and never missing Thursday nights at 8pm, when they and their adorable children come out to clap the heroes of the NHS.

Little Louis celebrated his second birthday with his tiny paws covered in rainbow paint – an uplifting image for these times, suggesting that his mum (the photographer) has learned a lot from the Queen.

Prince Charles did his bit by catching the virus, an early warning that this disease can claim anyone.

The glaring exception has been Harry and Meghan.

Spoilt, thick and consumed by self-pity, Harry and Meghan chose the middle of a deadly global health crisis to wag their little fingers at the wicked media. Perfect timing!

Their insensitivity is mind-boggling.

And I am still not sure what Prince Harry is going to do for the next 50 years.

Saving the planet and slagging off the British media can’t occupy more than a few hours every week.

Sporting nostalgia

LIKE every other sports fan in the world, I am getting my fix from nostalgia.

After losing both Peter Bonetti and Norman Hunter in the same month, I was compelled to watch the blood-curdling 1970 FA Cup Final replay between Chelsea and Leeds at Old Trafford.

Best moment of this brutal X-rated clash – when Peter Osgood and Jackie Charlton viciously clash and a burly linesman throws himself between them.

In that match, even the linesmen were hard.

Tax exile Branson and his billions

BILLIONAIRE tax exile Richard Branson wants the Government to bail out his Virgin Atlantic airline, even though he has paid no British income tax since moving to the British Virgin Islands 14 years ago.

If the British Government is dumb enough to bail Beardy out, is Beardy going to start paying tax in the UK?

A mask aids all

THERE is still heated debate in this country about the benefit of wearing face masks, although the Government seems to have finally decided they are a good thing.

There is no debate about face masks in Japan.

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You see them everywhere.

But people in Japan do not wear masks to protect themselves from infectious disease.

They wear face masks to protect OTHER people.

It is considered socially unacceptable in Japan to not wear a mask if you have any symptoms of cold or flu.

Yes, face masks certainly offer a degree of protection.

But you are protecting the rest of the world from your germs.

PPE farce

THE farce around personal protection equipment continues.

We were expecting 400,000 medical gowns to arrive from Turkey. Only 32,000 turned up.

We were expecting 200,000 gowns from China. The shipment contained just 20,000.

We need to start making PPE in the UK. Globalisation has failed us.

Lockdown good for dogs

ROGER MUGFORD, the dog trainer responsible for the Queen’s corgis, warns that dogs who love having their owners around 24/7 during lockdown are going to be traumatised when the world finally goes back to work.

Mr Mugford says our pets are building up a “huge reservoir of over-dependency” during lockdown.

No doubt – but things are never going to go back to exactly the way they were, are they? Some workers are discovering they can work productively from home. Good news for the planet.

And great news for all those love-sick mutts.

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Gwyneth's playtime suggestions

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GWYNETH Paltrow has some advice about the best sex toys for both “solo pleasure and partner play” during those long lockdown nights.

The movie superstar recommends a £44 Tennis Coach toy – that’s reasonable – as a “gentle introduction” for “first timers”.

I suppose a nice jigsaw puzzle is out of the question?