Exclusive
'I was naive'
Ex-wife of gambling addict Paul Merson reveals she didn’t even notice he lost £7m to addiction because he was earning £10,000 a week
Lorraine Costin was married to the player at the height of his addiction
HEARING ex-husband Paul Merson reveal he was once again in the grip of a crippling gambling addiction brought back painful memories for Lorraine Costin.
She was married to the ex-England player for ten years in the 1990s, during which time he blew £7 million on drink, drugs and casinos.
9
The glamorous couple seemed to be living the perfect life when the Arsenal star was at the peak of his career but in November 1994, it all came crashing down when Paul finally told her he had a drugs, alcohol and gambling addiction.
This week it was revealed Paul's life had spun "out of control" again and that his his gambling addiction left him "like a crack addict".
Tearful footage of his emotional confession will air in ITV documentary Harry's Heroes on Tuesday night.
Lorraine tells the Sun Online: “It’s so sad when I see him like that and I think ‘he’s 50 years old and he still hasn’t got control of his life.
9
“I don’t know where Mers is in his life but I do believe there is something more deep-rooted that he needs to address.
“I would love to sit down with him and have a coffee and a chat, because I would love to help him."
'I wasn't even angry about the £7million'
Amazingly Lorraine says she was oblivious to the extent of her husband's gambling – even while he was blowing millions.
“We never had any money worries because he paid off his debts,” she says.
“But if you’re earning £10,000 a week and you’re a gambling addict, you’re going to spend £10,000.
“I wasn’t even angry when I found out how much he’d spent. I just felt helpless.”
'I thought I could fix him'
The couple were both 21 when they married in 1990 and the three boys – Charlie, 28, Ben, 26 and Sam, 24 – soon followed.
Paul was at the top of his game as an Arsenal striker and was raking in record-breaking wages.
But Lorraine was completely unaware her husband was battling crippling addictions that led him to blow £20,000 in one weekend of drinking and gambling.
9
“We were childhood sweethearts, married young, had kids and we had a lovely life together with the football and all the trappings,” says Lorraine.
“But there was an underlying issue with what was going on inside.
“It’s difficult living with someone with addictions especially when I was so young. I had no experience of life myself.
“He wasn’t like it when we got married. But when he started to struggle I thought I could change him. I had a deluded belief that I was the one who could fix him.
9
“I was like ‘don’t worry. I’ll look after you. We’ll do this together’. But I was young and I didn’t understand it all.
“The hardest thing is to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. Nobody can change him. He has to do that himself.”
'I never saw gambling as a problem'
When the news of his addictions first broke, the couple fled to France and Lorraine began to understand the extent of his addictions.
9
“I had never drunk so I didn’t get it but he didn’t drink at home, just when he was out with his mates and he wasn’t a horrible person when he was drunk.
“I didn’t even know he was doing drugs until I was on a plane to France fleeing the country.
“I was so naïve. I had no idea. I never really minded the gambling either. I saw it as part of my life, something he did. I never saw it as a problem.
“But I saw him at rockbottom when we were hiding in hotels in France. So his addictions became part of my life because I was living it with him.
“But I had two young boys and I was pregnant with Sam so I wanted to stick with the marriage.”
Paul finally sought help and checked into a rehab and in January 1994, he broke down in tears at a press conference as he talked about his treatment.
9
He said: "This has been the hardest six weeks of my life. It has changed me completely. I am starting to grow up now."
But the marriage had begun to crumble and finally, in 2001, the couple decided to split.
“He was my childhood sweetheart, I loved him,” says Lorraine.
“I never ever wanted my marriage to end. I never hated him, not once. I just felt helpless that I couldn’t help him anymore. But you can’t help someone, you can only help yourself.
“I had just come to the end of being able to manage being with him.
“I had to look at my own life and where it was going and if it meant ending the marriage to him I had to do it.”
9
A single mum with three young boys Lorraine, who had been teetotal throughout the marriage, struggled to cope and turned to the bottle for solace.
Soon she was fighting her own battle with addiction.
“It started on a slippery slope,” she recalls. “I’d have the odd glass of wine and then there would be another glass and then I thought ‘I’ll just drink the bottle’.
“Soon a bottle doesn’t feel enough because the more you drink the more resistant you are, so my body started getting used to it.
“It got to the stage when I went to the shops and I didn’t even think about food – I went straight to the alcohol aisle.”
Desperate, she checked into the Priory for a six week rehab programme
“I lay on the bed and cried like a baby for six hours and then checked out,” she says. “I was frightened I was going to be seen by someone and I didn’t want everyone to know what was going on in my life. I just tried to deal with it myself.”
9
After kicking her addiction with a coach, Lorraine trained as a life coach herself so she could help others who were struggling.
But she found herself falling off the wagon again when her second marriage to the father of her fourth son, now 14, broke down two years ago.
“It was a pattern I was going through and the reason I was going back to drink was because of what was going on at a deeper level.
“If you don’t change your habits and don’t reprogram your thinking you stay stuck in the same mistakes.
“You have a choice and I chose to go down another route and get rid of the s*** in my life.
9
“Now I might have a drink once a month but it doesn’t even enter my mind anymore.
“I changed what I needed to in my life and I’m now the happiest I’ve ever been.”
Paul went on to marry Louise Bache and have twin girls, now seven.
They split in 2013 and he now has two young children with third wife, Kate.
But in a tearful interview on Harry’s Heroes, which airs on Monday night, he revealed his life was spiralling out of control again.
"I'm struggling with life at the moment, struggling badly. Life’s fallen apart - gambling... I've just completely lost control again.
"I'm digging a hole - I can't get out of it. It's the worst addiction in the world."
'It's a lifelong journey'
Lorraine – who now lives in St Albans and helps women through break ups and addiction problems – says her ex-husband needs a “coach or mentor that deals with that area of life”.
“It becomes a daily battle and sometimes you can’t see the wood for the trees,” she says.
“I coach my clients to look at their lives differently. So you need to work with someone to change your habits and change your lifestyle. You can’t stop it overnight. It’s a lifelong journey.”
MOST READ IN NEWS
Lorraine – who also shares grandsons with Paul – hasn't seen her ex since her three boys were teenagers but says her sons are still close to their dad.
“The boys still see Mers all the time and he’s a great dad but they don’t talk about him to me. His life has moved on.
“After me he had two children with Louise and he now has two babies, while my boys with him are grown men with jobs. They see him all the time and they think the world of their dad.
“The sad thing is Mers is such a lovely guy, he really is. It’s so sad that he hasn’t been able to get on top of this.”
To find out more about Lorraine's work go to her website
For information and support on gambling visit , which runs the National Gambling Helpline (0808 8020 133) and also offers face-to-face counselling.
Topics