Bizarre flatmate ad for ‘unsocial house’ with ‘no laughing after 11pm’ leaves Twitter baffled
The incredible list of requirements was sent to someone before a flat viewing on SpareRoom
SOCIAL media users were left baffled by an extremely harsh list of demands that a tenant sent to a potential new flatmate.
The astonishing list of demands included no laughing after 11pm, no cooking "elaborate" meals, and a daily limit on toilet use.
Twitter user shared the roommate requirements with the sarcastic caption: "Anyone looking for a flatshare?"
They explained that the droning list of demands was sent to a friend after asking to view a room on flatshare site SpareRoom.
The testy tenant who currently lives in the flat sent a note back said they'd had a "couple of bad flatmates this year" and didn't want to waste the prospective viewer's time.
The 12-point list alarmingly begins: "I need you to be out of the flat on week days during normal working hours (9-5) because I work from home five days a week and I need the place to myself.
FLATMATE REQUIREMENTS
How often you should be in:
“I need you to be out of the flat on week days during normal working hours (9-5) because I work from home five days a week and I need the place to myself."
How much noise you can make:
"This is a quiet building in general, and I usually read or watch something in the evenings, and the other flatmate has to study. So I don’t want to hear noise coming from your room all the time."
When you can laugh:
"If you’re laughing out loud after 11pm or sleep with the radio on – still the same thing. Basically, I’d like you to use common sense."
When you can use the toilet:
"If you have to run to the toilet 15 times a day or every 15 minutes, don’t move in here. If you say you don’t spend much time in the bathroom because you don’t take long showers but then you sit on the toilet several times a day (like the flatmate who’s moving out), and only your morning bathroom runs take almost one hour in total, this definitely isn’t a place for you."
When you can cook:
"There’s no cooking in this flat before 8.30am and after 11pm. Occasionally I will allow it, and you can also make some porridge or use the microwave."
What you can eat:
"If you ONLY eat cooked/fried meals because you don’t know how to make a sandwich, and you hang around the kitchen for hours a day (and I do mean HOURS) or spend every weekend preparing elaborate meals and baking, etc, this isn’t a place for you."
How you spend your free time:
"If you spend all your free time hanging around the house, streaming TV show and talking on the phone for hours, we’re not gonna like each other."
What you can expect from your housemates:
"This isn’t a very sociable house. We don’t do parties and we don’t have time to cook together or watch TV together, mainly because people always have different schedules and they’re busy."
How often you can have your mates round:
"I don’t want to constantly see your friends hanging around the flat. If you have guests 3 times a week, it’s too much."
How much booze you can have:
"As for alcohol, drugs, and other such things, I don’t really want to see people here ‘under the influence’. Beer, wine etc in reasonable amounts are obviously fine, we’re all adults here, but apart from that I don’t want any crazy stuff here."
What you should think of your flatmate:
"I’m quite easy-going and I 'live and let live'."
"If you have a proper job, this shouldn't be a problem."
They go on: "My new flatmates has to be a quiet and considerate person.
"Which means you should use door handles rather than push the doors to slam, and try to behave quietly, especially when it's late or early in the morning, so as to not disturb others.
"And I expect your guests to act respectably when here."
Calls for quiet don't even stop there: "I used to have this flatmate who was on Skype for 2-3 hours ever day (5 days on weekends).
"I won't have that."
Listening to podcasts and music or watching music without headphones is also expressly forbidden.
And although the tyrannical tenant admits "this isn't a very sociable house", they still expect their new flatmate to be "someone who has friends, who goes out to see places, and does things like sports etc."
This is explained: "I don't want my new flatmate to assume that just because I spend so much time here, it's OK for them to do the same."
But perhaps most controlling is the renter's attitude to cooking.
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Declaring that there's no cooking before 8.30am or after 11pm, they say: "Occasionally I will allow it, and you can also make some porridge porridge or use the microwave."
Most baffling of all though is the author's understanding of what they're like to live with.
They conclude: "I'm quite easy-going and I 'live and let live'."
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