We should all take a leaf out of Deborah James’s book and get used to talking about cancer
When talking about cancer we need to acknowledge the sheer awfulness of the situation and remember that they are sufferers, not soldiers
HALF of us will get cancer at some point in our lives, but all of us will be affected in some way by this horrible disease.
Whether it is a mum with breast cancer, a friend with a brain tumour or a child with leukaemia, we will sob, mourn and rage against the unfair cruelty that causes so much pain, despair and loss.
It can be hard at times to see any light in the darkness, so thank the Lord for women like Deborah James.
Deborah has stage 4 cancer bowel cancer.
There is no stage five.
She was diagnosed in 2016 aged 35 and has two young children.
Her best friend, BBC journalist Rachael Bland, died of cancer last month.
Deborah paid tribute to her in their number one-rated podcast You, Me And The Big C, which they presented together with Lauren Mahon.
These feisty women called it “the coolest club you never want to be a member of” and have helped so many sufferers and their families with their honesty and sense of humour.
Deborah also writes for The Sun Online and this week her book F*** You Cancer was published.
It is a must-read, especially for those of us who never know what to say to friends and family who have been given the dreaded news.
If I have learned one thing from talking to people like Deborah, it is that you should acknowledge the sheer awfulness of the situation.
Platitudes about other people who have beaten cancer are not really helpful.
So a story about your next door neighbour’s cousin twice removed who baffled doctors with their against-the-odds recovery is not really welcome.
Nor is a rundown of the latest “cancer-fighting” diet of turmeric and guava juice you have just read about on the internet.
In fact, using language like “battling” or “fighting” cancer is also not a good idea.
This is not a war, and sufferers are not soldiers.
They are people who have been dealt a really cruel hand and are somehow trying to get through it the best way they can.
It is, however, absolutely OK to give them a hug, say that it is all crap, have a cry and then watch something daft on the TV together, or just talk about anything other than cancer.
The illness has to be confronted, spoken about and never considered taboo.
Remember, they are still the same person they were before the diagnosis, and it is important for life to go on as normally as possible in the circumstances.
That does not mean you should not check up on them, send daft texts that will make them smile and just pop over with cake and wine.
There is no one-size-fits-all attitude to the disease.
Some people will crumble, others will have the most incredibly positive attitude.
Some will want to go down the road of alternative methods, while others opt for chemotherapy, radiotherapy and other cutting-edge treatments.
Deborah herself has undergone several operations and chemo, and most recently had a “CyberKnife” procedure where the tumour is targeted using a robotic arm that administers radiation “beamlets” from hundreds of different angles.
It is like something out of Star Trek and is just one of the leaps being made by research that will hopefully eradicate this vile disease one fine day.
Deborah says she is not a hero, she is not a gladiator and she is not battling cancer, but instead she is living with it.
She did not think she would live long enough to see her book published — and every day is a bonus.
In some ways, she says, cancer has made her a better person and a better mum.
She has more time for what is really important, being with those you love and laughing too much.
Deborah’s emphasis is on LIVING with cancer and that is a very powerful message indeed and one we should learn from and respect.
Shaken and stirred by Elton
YOU don’t need a degree in Shakespeare to enjoy the witty, waspish and very funny BBC Two comedy series Upstart Crow.
Written by Ben Elton it’s a very clever take on the life of The Bard, who is portrayed as a chippy, insecure, social climber who divides his time between Stratford-upon-Avon and London.
He spends most of it grumbling about the commute by horse and carriage.
David Mitchell is perfect in the lead role, insisting he’s not bald but merely has a “noble forehead."
Harry Enfield puts in a scene-stealing turn as his vulgar dad, and Liza Tarbuck is magnificent as Shakespeare’s wife Anne.
This week, however, for the very last act in the series, Upstart Crow did something extremely brave.
Out of the blue, we were blindsided by the death of Shakespeare’s young son.
All credit to Ben and his splendid cast for going from comedy to tragedy without missing a beat.
It reminded me of the episode of Blackadder Goes Forth, set in the World War One trenches, when the troops went over the top to their deaths, and the scene was transformed into a field of poppies.
It was a punch in the stomach and, just like the death of Shakespeare’s son, all the more gut- wrenching because we had been laughing just minutes earlier.
Ben is often accused of being a self-satisfied smarty-pants.
I don’t agree.
He writes with real heart and I’m sure I wasn’t the only one in tears at the end of Upstart Crow.
Crying to see more
IT’S not in the same league as Bodyguard but The Cry is a credible substitute.
I really wanted to kick the selfish toad of a husband who slept through most of that long flight to Australia while his knackered wife (Jenna Coleman) coped with their squawking baby.
Wailing babies are my pet hate on planes, and I had a smidgeon of sympathy with the passenger who blurted out: “Give it some whisky.”
Not helpful obviously, and the poor little mite has now been abducted – and if I’m not mistaken there was a fleeting glimpse of relief on the mum’s face.
Most intriguing.
Kev gives wets X Factor
I’M delighted that Kevin Simm will be stepping into Marti Pellow’s kilt and joining Wet Wet Wet as their new lead singer.
Kevin proved during his time with Liberty X that he has what it takes to be a real star, and that was only cemented when he won The Voice back in 2016.
Sadly, that win didn’t translate into a career resurgence, but now Kevin has a chance to follow the likes of Adam Lambert who successfully helped reboot Queen by taking over from the late, great Freddie Mercury.
I am also very much looking forward to a bit of musical crossover and for all the Wets to perform the Liberty X classic Just A Little, wearing skin-tight black latex and brandishing canes.
Christina so caring
I’M really looking forward to Monday and the second Sun Who Cares Wins Awards, when we get to salute our NHS heroes.
It’s an opportunity to pay tribute to those wonderful people who devote their lives to making us better.
It will also be the perfect way to honour The Sun’s Health Editor Christina Newbury, who died in March aged 31, from a blood clot following a knee injury.
Like everyone at The Sun, I was shocked and deeply saddened by Christina’s sudden death. She was a warm, compassionate woman and fundamental in setting up the awards.
We will be especially thinking of her when we raise a glass to everyone who plays their part in making the NHS the envy of the world.
Give Ant a Du break
IT’S a tough one for Strictly contestants who already have some dance ability and top the leader board during the early stages of the competition.
Some of them are so good there is very little room for improvement and they end up being punished by the judges for tiny infringements and losing the public’s affection.
We do love to see the underdog triumph.
But we have lost the joke act early this year with Susannah Constantine failing to win us over, even with show veteran Anton du Beke by her side.
Poor old Anton.
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Just for once they should give him a Pussycat Doll like Ashley Roberts or a young soap star he can twirl around and lift into the air with style and have a realistic shot at the Glitter Ball.
Strictly’s still the best family entertainment on the box, though.