Food shortage? We’re not at war, we are leaving an undemocratic bureaucracy
ARE you stockpiling your cans of food in case there’s a no deal on Brexit?
Stacking up the tins of beans and Fray Bentos steak and kidney pie ready for Armageddon and Year Zero?
My guess is you’re not. And that you think the scaremongering from the Government is utterly ridiculous.
Hell, the Remainers think WE’RE gullible. For having believed the “lies” of the Brexit campaign.
But it is hard to imagine anyone could be quite so stupid as to really believe we’ll be short of food if we tell our European friends to shove their deal where the sun doesn’t shine.
They even had a debate on Remainer Central (that’s BBC Newsnight to you and me) about what we could put in our sandwiches if we fail to sign a deal. Basically it came down to Kirsty Wark’s toenail clippings and Evan Davis’s nostril hair. That’s your lot.
Do they really think we’re that stupid? We’re not at war, you know. We’re just leaving an undemocratic bureaucracy.
Do these dingbats really think that the Spanish tomato growers and the Dutch pig farmers are going to refuse to sell us anything? Or that we would refuse to buy their produce? Get real.
The debate about whether we should leave or remain in the EU was pretty shoddy. There was exaggeration and outlandish claims made by both sides.
I never believed the rubbish about an extra £350million a week for the NHS. And if I’d thought we were going to do that I’d probably have voted Remain. If ever there was a waste of money, that would be it.
The difference is, the Remainers believe all the crap that’s spouted by their side. Every bit of it.
Just as they believed the economy would be wrecked within a week of the vote. When actually it has been doing very well indeed and is projected to do even better.
Sky fallen in yet? Nope. Instead we’re busy sorting out new trade deals with, among others, Japan and Australia. Employment is booming, unemployment is the lowest for decades, wages are rising and inflation is coming down.
And so the Project Fearmongers dream up another nightmare scenario which exists only in their weird imaginations. We’ll all starve! No medicines!
The threats come from our own remainers — but also from within the EU. Especially (quelle surprise) the awful French.
Have you ever known a people more clingy? Listen, mon ami — it’s over, we’re leaving. Our bags are packed and ready in the hallway.
It was fun while it lasted (well, actually, it wasn’t THAT much fun) but now we’re going. Try to get over it. And stop the blackmail, you ludicrous little people.
Jeremy Hunt — never my favourite politician — has at least started well as our new Foreign Secretary.
Warning the EU that it will lose far more than the UK if there’s no deal.
No kidding, Jezza.
We import far more from the EU than we sell to them. There is not the slightest danger of those imports being prevented from arriving here. To suggest otherwise is utterly absurd.
C'mon Madge, it's time to cover up
OH God, Madonna’s at it again. Showing off her a*** in a Versace dress.
Lying on the ground in stockings with her baps poking out in Vogue magazine.
Madge turns 60 in a few days, for gawd’s sake. I have a terrible vision of her doing the same thing in 30 years’ time. Riding a Stannah stairlift wearing a leather basque, with a Gucci colostomy bag.
I’m not saying she hasn’t aged well – certainly better than me. But have some dignity, woman.
She’s apparently moved to Lisbon to get away from Donald Trump. I think Donald’s well out of it.
Corbyn's sorry is hollow
THE serial anti-Semite Jeremy Corbyn is in trouble again.
He has apologised after hosting a meeting where Israel was compared to Nazi Germany.
A meeting which took place on Holocaust Remembrance Day! It’s hard to think of something more obviously anti-Semitic.
But why did he apologise? He still thinks the same thing.
He has never met with a senior Israeli government member. He has gone out of his way to avoid meeting the Israeli Prime Minister. He has called the genocidal Islamist terrorists Hamas his “friends”. He has failed to take action against the virulent Jew-hating in his party.
He’s not sorry at all about having attended that foul gathering.
He’s only sorry it got him into more bother.
So, an anti-Semite and a hypocrite.
We need to disengage
WELL done to the Royal Navy for rescuing Salman Abedi from horrible, war-torn Libya.
Salman repaid that kindness by murdering 22 children and adults at the Manchester Arena.
The lesson? Disengage with these foul Islamist countries. Leave them to it. Our people have rights.
And they supersede the rights of fundamentalist Muslim fanatics to claim asylum in the civilised, Christian, West.
Where there's a will...
SO, the courts have decided that people who don’t necessarily want the right to die can have the right to die if other people think it’s best for them.
What a bizarre judgment.
This applies largely to elderly people in a locked-in state, that is a persistent vegetative state. If the doctors and relatives think it’s time to turn off the life support, they can now do so.
But people sometimes recover from these conditions. And you can imagine the conversation between the docs and rellies, can’t you?
Doc: “I’m afraid your dad is showing about as much life as a recently gassed badger. Probably not going to get much better, frankly.”
Relly: “Oh, that’s a shame.”
Doc: “Yes. And we rather need his bed for another old gadgie who’s about to pop his clogs. Did you like him much, your dad?”
Relly: “Um…bit of a miserable old git, really. Cantankerous. Suffered from bad flatulence too, in later years . . .
Doc: “Still does!”
Relly: “But we’d be very interested in what his . . . you know . . . will has to say. If you catch my drift.”
Doc: “Ah, indeed. Well . . . you could find that out very quickly . . . if I just flicked this switch . . . ”
Relly: “Hmm. Well, you know doc, I think it’s what he would have wanted.”
Doc: “Exactly. It’s what he would have wanted. Now, say goodbye and contact your lawyer.”
MOST READ IN OPINION
Bey talkin' my slang-uage
THERE’S a new dictionary of rhyming slang. Updated to include references to contemporary slebs.
So – “I’m in bed with a really nasty Miley”. Means Miley Cyrus – virus.
And: “This is Bob. He’s my Beyonce.” Beyonce – fiance.
See? They’ve missed a few out though . . .
“I haven’t been to the toilet for weeks. The doctor says I’ve got a blockage in the old Simon.” (Cowell).
“Could be worse, mate. You could have a tumour on your Samantha.” (Janus).
“Well, I did worry about that. Suggested it to the doctor. But he said I was being a silly old Jeremy.”
(Our Foreign Secretary).
Bush is back
GREAT – the Bush Is Back, according to Vogue magazine.
Women are no longer ripping out the furze around their lady- gardens, but letting it all grow. And perhaps adding a rockery, a trellis for roses and a small pond with a plastic heron.
About time, really. I’ve always thought there was something ever-so-slightly dodgy about a bloke who liked women shaved bare.
I was never much more taken with those landing strips, either. Last one I saw was like the size of Terminal 5 at Heathrow. Half expected a team of baggage handlers to turn up in one of those carts.