Shrieking Remainer madams like Anna Soubry in the Conservative Party are damaging for Britain
THIS Brexit of ours is going to be fought every step of the way by bitter and twisted deadbeat Remainers incapable of understanding the meaning of democracy.
Who are they?
Largely a few people you’ve heard of but wish you hadn’t — Tony Blair, for example and his smarmpuppet Peter Mandelson — and people you’ve probably never heard of.
Such as the weirdo Lord Adonis. He’s the Labour peer currently touring the country demanding we scrap Brexit.
I know he’s touring the country because he’s said he is. I don’t know if anyone else has noticed.
He’s probably in a town near you right now, ranting at two dossers and a dog, his chains clanking.
Far more damaging for Britain, though, are the shrieking Remainer madams within the Conservative Party.
Damaging because the EU delights in every possible division within Government ranks. And exploits those divisions at every negotiation.
Who are they? A coven of nonentities who’ve been kicked out of their ministerial jobs because they were neither use nor ornament.
Anna Soubry, for example.
In a ludicrous fit of temper she demanded Theresa May sling out of the party “arch-Brexiteers”.
That is, those politicians who wish to see through the process of leaving the European Union.
Soubry is also particularly enraged that the Government doesn’t intend for us stay in the customs union.
But surely that’s what leaving the EU means?
She had a good old rant, did Anna. She also said: “I am not going to stay in a party which has been taken over by Jacob Rees-Mogg and Boris Johnson.”
What, you’re going to leave? Tell you what, love — you get your coat, I’ll buy you a brolly and hold the door open.
Because believe me, Soubry, you won’t be missed.
Then there’s Nicky Morgan, formerly the second-worst Education Secretary we’ve ever had.
One of the architects of the Tory rebellion which seriously undermined the Government’s negotiating position with the EU mandarins.
And last and very definitely least, Justine Greening.
I said Nicky Morgan was the second-worst Education Secretary we’ve had.
But she’s easily pipped to the number one slot by this dimbo.
The only thing of note she did at Education was propose legislation so your youngest kids can be taught about how great transgenderism is.
She’s also said she will leave the party if ever Rees-Mogg became leader.
The more I hear from these women about Jacob, the more I like him.
Once again, Justine — the taxi is waiting outside. No, no, really, it’s been fun having you here.
As I say, all of these puffed-up egotistical women make Theresa May’s job at those negotiations much harder.
But then so does the grandstanding from some of the Brexiteers.
All this breast-beating should be done around the Cabinet table.
It is vital that we present a united face to Brussels, so that we get the best deal possible.
I’m no fan of the Prime Minister. Or, for that matter, the Conservative Party.
But on this issue she deserves our support. For the good of Britain.
Nasty Remainers
SOME of these Remainers are lovely people, aren’t they? An 80-year-old woman in Richmond, South West London, got a letter through her door.
It alleged that in voting Brexit she had robbed them of their identity.
And it ended: “You can no longer be tolerated. We are going to kill you.”
Delightful.
When the local MP, Zac Goldsmith, made the letter public, a BBC gardening correspondent, St.John Stephen, said the threats should have been sent to Zac instead.
Deranged, nasty people.
Make square boobs a trend
POOR old Yulia Debbagkh. She’s the Russian model who wants to sue her plastic surgeons.
She says they made her baps SQUARE.
And she’s not happy.
Have to say, having had a quick look, I quite like them.
I think breasts with sharp edges look rather nice and it could start a trend.
I’d really like to see a rhomboid pair, or perhaps t*ts the shape of a trapezium.
Maybe Yulia could get her arse done in the shape of an octagon.
And make a decent living pandering to weirdos like me who have a geometric fascination.
Trump's right about the NHS
OOH, a war of words between our Government and Donald Trump over the NHS.
Donald says it’s broke and useless.
Jeremy Hunt, the Health Secretary, responds that it’s absolutely bloody marvellous.
But I could see his nose growing longer with every word he uttered.
Nearly all the Tories know that the NHS is exactly as Trump described it.
As a friend once said to me, it’s the only organisation in the world which always delights in telling you it’s in crisis.
It is outdated and has outgrown its usefulness.
You could raise taxes to 90 per cent and it still wouldn’t be enough.
And the Government knows this but dare not admit it.
Leaf it out, Kylie
I SEE that Kylie Jenner has had a baby – and decided to call it “Stormi”.
Couldn’t she have looked the spelling up first?
I just wish her surname was “Petrel”.
Why do celebs always give their kids stupid names? It’s never Bob or Susan.
It’s always something like Scratchwood, Leaf or Hitler.
And later on the offspring rebel and insist they want to be called Warren or Pete, rather than Embryonic Nipple Interface or Gulbadeen Series Nine.
Still, good luck to Stormi. And indeed her forthcoming siblings.
That’ll be Raini and Snowi, then.
Fergie's Weddy to party
SO, should Fergie be allowed to come to the next royal wedding?
The Duchess of York has apparently been invited to Harry and Meghan’s reception. But possibly not to the church service.
Partly because she might do something embarrassing.
I think she should be allowed at the reception dinner but only if she promises not to steal the cutlery or thieve food from other people.
I can see her now at the table.
Distracting the attention of the Archbishop of Canterbury while she filches a sausage from his plate and swallows it whole.
Also, I think she should be made to help with the washing up.
I hope my suggestions prove helpful to Harry and his bride to be.
Workers' slights
THE BBC’s Today programme devoted the entirety of Tuesday’s show to celebrating 100 years since women got the vote.
No men on the programme. Just lots of privileged, posh chicks agreeing with each other about how absolutely brilliant women are.
It was about as illuminating and informative as a night out with Joey Essex.
One dingbat introduced herself as being a “woman of colour”. That’s to let you know that she’s doubly victimised, by race and gender.
Dunno ’bout that. I think life’s more difficult for women of no colour. You can’t see them, they’re invisible! Must be awful for them, people bumping into them all the time.
What a stupid bloody phrase it is, “woman of colour”.
Incidentally, guess what wasn’t celebrated on the Today programme – or anywhere else? It’s also 100 years since working class people got the vote.
But sod them.
Pleas for pardon a Boer
THERE are demands that the Suffragettes should be pardoned. These first women’s libbers, such as Emily Davison chained themselves to railing and threw themselves in front of horses – all part of the fight to win the vote.
They made a right nuisance of themselves and some ended up with criminal records.
And it was all in a good cause.
But they shouldn’t be pardoned.
What they did was considered unlawful more than 100 years ago.
The fact that we might agree with their fight doesn’t change a thing.
We are always attempting to impose the tyranny of “now” on things which happened a long time ago.
Next we’ll be imposing retrospective prison sentences on the generals from the Boer War.
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Early Brits were also hippies
SO, the first inhabitants of this country had dark skin.
This is according to recently discovered DNA evidence.
That should keep the white supremacists quiet for a while, shouldn’t it?
They’ve even got a picture of one of these early Brits. Have to say, I don’t fancy yours much – he looks rough as hell.
If he knew he was having his photo taken for The Sun, he might at least have brushed his hair.
Looks to me like the first people here weren’t just black, but were hippies too.