Baldrick, here’s my cunning plan… do yourself a favour and quit the sinister Labour Party
After coming to the shocking realisation that Labour has been completely taken over by a 'leftist clique', Sir Tony Robinson should do what I did and get out
YAY – Baldrick’s back. Blackadder’s loyal halfwit of a manservant, played rather wonderfully by Tony Robinson. Now SIR Tony Robinson.
And the great news is, he’s behaving just like, well, um, Baldrick.
Sir Tony is a longstanding member of the Labour Party. I think that’s why he got his knighthood.
Anyway, he tweeted out a message this week. He said he feared that Labour had been completely taken over by a “leftist clique”.
Good Lord, do you really think so, Baldrick? Bloody hell, who’d have thought.
And are there any other observations you would like to make about contemporary events?
For example, are you worried North Korea might be led by a fat, dog-munching lunatic? Or that Paul Gascoigne may occasionally have too much to drink?
You could write a book full of these observations — Baldrick: Things I Have Discovered Which Nobody Else Has Noticed. It would be a big seller, that. Baldrick made his comments after a decent, moderate member of the committee which runs the Labour Party was kicked out.
And in her place came the usual swivel-eyed Stalinist.
You’ll be seeing a lot of that in the next few months.
The left-wing Momentum group, which supports the idiot Jeremy Corbyn and his grim, sinister sidekick John McDonnell, are pledged to purge the party of sane people.
This has been on the cards for two years and it’s happening right now.
I don’t have much sympathy for the moderate Labour MPs who will soon be getting their eviction notices.
They sat back and let this happen.
And now they are outnumbered in their constituencies and in the party by a coalition of thick-as-mince Trots and even denser middle-class, liberal snowflakes.
To be fair to Baldrick, he’s not the only one who has only just woken up to this. Labour is still doing well in the polls.
Partly this is because Theresa May is perhaps not the most convincing Prime Minister we’ve ever had.
She’s a few cigars short of the full Churchill, sure.
And on some domestic issues Corbyn and the rest have a point or two.
It’s when it comes to foreign affairs that you see just how truly deranged and dangerous they are.
They loathe the West. They loathe the USA.
Worse still, they loathe our own country. The party is led by people who wanted IRA murderers to be honoured. People who call the genocidal, racist, terrorists of Hamas and Hezbollah their “friends”.
They worship vile, basket-case countries such as totalitarian Cuba. They have a soft spot for the mullahs of Iran. They want more and more immigrants to pour into our country.
In short, they support everything which is against the UK’s interests. For these reasons alone they should be utterly unelectable.
Listen, Baldrick. You are right. Labour has indeed been taken over by a left-wing clique which has nothing in common with the mass of ordinary Brits.
It happened two and a half years ago.
But I have a cunning plan, mate. Do as I did and leave the party. Get the hell out.
It’s not remotely the party you’ve fought for all those years.
It will be a wrench, sure — treat yourself to a consolatory turnip — but you’ll feel better in the end.
- THE BBC Women are still carping about their lowly pay. It IS shocking — some of them are on as little as £130,000 per year. How on earth can they cope? I think they should resign en masse, in a very principled manner. And then see how much they can earn AWAY from the BBC. In many cases it will be about ten quid and a packet of Monster Munch.
Fox hunters on the loose
IT’S that time of year again. The fox hunters are back out. Tearing through people’s gardens.
Privileged, moronic thugs, some of them even beating up the protesters.
And of course, hunting foxes.
They claim they aren’t. They say when their dogs chase a fox it’s an “accident”.
And that they are only trail-hunting.
But who believes this bilge any more?
It’s time that the police started to uphold the law with a bit more vigour.
And shoved a few of these bloodthirsty psychopaths in prison.
Candy little earner
HAVE you seen how much money Candice Swanepoel gets just for shoving a picture on Instagram?
It’s £50,000 a pop.
Think I’ll open an Instagram account. I’ve got a great photo of me naked, in a swimming pool, eating a Greggs Steak Bake.
If that doesn’t pull in the cash, then I don’t know what will.
Good news for readers
VICTORY! Virgin Trains has gone back on its decision to ban the Daily Mail.
Boss Richard Branson said the decision not to sell or give away the paper was taken without his knowledge.
Yeah, right, Beardo! So it took you a week to realise what your underlings had done? Anyway, this is good news on a number of fronts.
First, people unlucky enough to be travelling with Virgin can now read whatever the hell they want.
Second, I can stop handing out free copies of our rival paper to passengers, out of principle.
Which means I am slightly less likely to get the sack.
At least pay the workers
THE bankrupt construction company Carillion seems to have been about as well run as a tombola at a school fair.
Heavily in debt, it kept taking big contracts in order to pay off creditors.
And so got itself into even more debt. It was like a giant pyramid selling scheme.
What were the board of directors on? Ketamine and crack?
Actually, we know what the likes of chief executive Richard Howson were on. Enormous, humungous salaries which kept increasing even as their company was disappearing round the U-bend.
That’s a scandal. But the Government has questions to answer, too.
It kept bunging work the way of Carillion even when ministers knew the ship was sinking fast.
First thing for the Government to do is honour the wages of people who carried out work for Carillion before its liquidation. And then maybe rethink this partnership with private enterprise.
Give Hammond a hug, Trace
GOOD luck to the excellent Tracey Crouch – she’s our new Minister for Loneliness.
And also one of the few bright sparks in Government.
Her role is to stop people feeling so lonely. It’s a serious problem and damaging to health, apparently.
Maybe Tracey could start with the Chancellor, Philip Hammond. Nobody seems to like him.
Give him a nice big hug, Trace, and tell him to stop whining about Brexit. Then we all might like him more.
Many a sew and so
BEWARE of Frenchmen bearing gifts.
President Emmanuel Macron is coming over on a “charm offensive”. He wants us to take in more refugees.
And also to pay for the upkeep of their refugee camp at Calais.
In return he’s going to lend us the Bayeux Tapestry. This depicts the lead-up to the Norman conquest of Britain.
(They cheated, of course. Shot our top bloke in the eye. A coward’s trick in my book.)
Listen, Manny – I’ve got a tapestry. It’s dead good. It’s of the alphabet, in different colours. I did it when I was six, at school.
You can have it if you promise to keep the doors to that refugee camp firmly shut.
And let none of them cross the Channel.
MOST READ IN OPINION
Ready to apologise?
AS soon as a celebrity apologises, you just KNOW that it’s because he’s said something which is true. Possibly for the first time in his life.
So it is with Matt Damon. He’s been apologising all over the place to the #metoo brigade of perpetually outraged wimmin.
And what had he said to upset them? Just that not ALL men in Hollywood behaved like Harvey Weinstein or Kevin Spacey. And that perhaps there is a difference of scale between patting someone on the bum and actually raping them.
Wasn’t he precisely right on both counts?