Prince Harry and Meghan Markle won’t need a flashy wedding
RUMOURS abound that an announcement of the engagement of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle is imminent.
It’s been expected for months, ever since photos appeared of them looking radiantly happy together at the Invictus Games.
Since the world discovered these two were an item, there has been speculation about the wedding day, but I don’t think this modern-day romance needs all the pomp and circumstance of a big royal bash.
I reckon this loved-up young couple should run away and get married quietly and avoid all the hullabaloo.
I bet if it were up to Harry, he would have a raucous stag night with his Army pals, pop down to the nearest register office for a quick ceremony and head straight off on honeymoon, away from all the attention.
Thanks to dutiful big brother William and wife Kate, who has secured the succession with two children and another on the way, Harry is now far enough removed from the throne not to have to toe the line.
He doesn’t need to go through with a big circus at Westminster Abbey attended by the great and the good, then a stuffy reception in Buckingham Palace for heads of state and other assorted dullards.
He could fly to Vegas, a place where he used to love to party, and get hitched by an Elvis impersonator.
Then he and his bride could enjoy a giant party for their close pals.
Of course, it all depends on what Meghan wants.
She might be yearning to wear a big, white marshmallow frock, borrow an uncomfortable priceless tiara and arrive at her wedding in a golden carriage.
Perhaps, she craves the attention of a big, OTT wedding with orchestras and orchids and seeing her face on tea towels and postcards.
Whatever the future holds for them, I hope they do it their way.
If they genuinely desire pomp and circumstance then so be it, and we will have to brace ourselves for months of preparation and speculation with special pullouts and hastily written books on the new princess in waiting.
If, however, they just fancy eloping then donating all the money that would have been spent on the wedding to Forces charity Help for Heroes, I would give them a hearty cheer — and I think they would have the blessing of the whole nation.
Let's give Kate a break
MEANWHILE, Harry’s sister-in-law Kate is obviously feeling better and has been out and about showing off a tiny baby bump.
It appears the horrific morning sickness she has struggled with during her pregnancies has abated.
She certainly looked very fit and happy during a visit to a football training scheme at Aston Villa this week.
Kate and William’s third baby is expected in April.
I really hope they will be spared the view of 101 news crews and die-hard royalists camping outside the hospital, with reporters desperately filling air time until the baby decides to appear.
Like Harry’s potential wedding, we should keep it low key.
Can Kez avoid a tumble in the jungle
KEZIA DUGDALE is a hugely likeable politician who always struck me as far too decent to deal with the back-stabbing and skullduggery of Scottish Labour Party infighting during her time as leader.
She has been slammed for her decision to head into the I’m A Celebrity jungle but some of her reasons are understandable.
He told Kezia to live her life to the fullest and never be afraid to take on new challenges.
So when the opportunity came along to do just that, she seized it.
Importantly, Kezia has also promised to donate part of her fee to a homeless charity.
Unlike most people, she’s lucky enough to be able to leave her job as a Member of the Scottish Parliament for a couple of weeks.
Her political opponents and some of her constituents are not happy, and allies have turned against her.
Even Kezia would admit they have a point.
She is still MSP for Lothian and they won’t have a representative while she is in Australia.
I do think it is almost sweetly naive of Kezia to believe she will be sitting round the camp fire discussing what she calls “Labour Party values and the difference they could make in practice”.
Even if she does get the wee Toff lass and that fella from Hollyoaks discussing socialism, there’s no way that sort of stuff will ever make the edited show.
And politicians do not have a good track record on reality programmes.
George Galloway made a total prat of himself on CBB dressed in red Lycra and pretending to be a cat lapping up milk, while the image of Ann Widdecombe being dragged around the Strictly dance floor still makes me shudder.
I’d rather eat a kangaroo’s bum than see that again.
But Kezia might just buck the trend.
All politicians have to deal with reptiles, cock- roaches and poisonous snakes in human form, and she has had more than her fair share during her time as Scottish Labour leader.
I imagine the jungle will be a respite but I’m not sure where she goes after her stint in there.
Only time, and Ant and Dec, will tell.
A-Paul-ing shun
I CAN’T say I’m surprised that Paul Hollywood’s marriage has finally hit the skids for good.
After the Bake Off presenter was caught in 2013 having an affair with his US TV co-presenter, his wife Alexandra appeared on my show to give her side of the story – and tell viewers he wasn’t the only one who could knock up raisin rock cakes.
Alexandra released her own cook book to rival his, and when she came on my show the couple were in an uneasy truce.
Paul accompanied his wife that morning and it was all a bit buttock clenching.
She still looked deeply hurt and he was clumsily trying to make it up to her.
It did not bode well.
Four years down the line and it has become clear that when the trust has gone from a marriage, it is impossible to reheat the soufflé.
I do find it extraordinary that he has, by all accounts, practically airbrushed his wife from a new documentary about his life.
Despite them being married for more than 20 years, the four-part series for Channel 4 has little or no mention of Alexandra, the mother of his teenage son Josh.
It’s baffling that someone who shared his life for so long, and was his wife before he became famous, doesn’t appear to merit a name-check.
If Paul were a chocolate croissant he would eat himself – but even a man with such a “healthy” ego should surely acknowledge the part his wife played in his success.
Denise deserves answers
IT is shameful that Denise Fergus only found out that one of the monsters who murdered her toddler son, James Bulger, is now back in jail when the news was due to break exclusively by The Sun.
Why didn’t the prison authorities give Denise the respect and consideration she deserves by immediately informing her that Jon Venables, one of two boys who tortured and killed two-year-old James in 1993, was back under lock and key?
For the second time, the monster was found during a routine check to have images of child abuse on his computer.
Around £5million has been spent trying to rehabilitate Venables, as well as the expense of providing him with two new identities.
After being released on licence in 2001, Venables was back in jail again eight years later for having indecent material on his computer.
He has continued to view these disgusting images, and flouted parole rules to go boozing and even take drugs. How the bloody hell can that be allowed to happen?
Denise and her family continue to serve a life sentence without James, while Venables has mocked the system and thrown away chance after chance to reform and lead a decent life.
Surely this is a wake-up call and he needs to be properly punished?
Whatever happens, I hope that Denise is consulted every single step of the way.