Theresa May is playing foxy bingo with plans to repeal the hunting ban, and it’s going to backfire
A HORRIBLE thought has just occurred to me.
I might HAVE to vote Labour after all. Put my X beside that rabble led by a Leninist version of Compo. And his awful hangers-on.
That pantomime dame Diane Abbott. Mad McDonnell. And all those shrieking, middle-class lefties who support him.
Because what I’m NOT going to do is vote for a party that will bring back fox hunting. Not a chance.
Theresa May has said she would be in favour of a free vote on fox hunting if she wins a large majority.
That means we could have those deranged, bloodthirsty, pink-jacketed psychos chasing foxes up and down the country very soon. The dogs ripping the fox limb from limb.
No thank you, Theresa.
I don’t know why she said it. Lots of people don’t give a monkey’s about fox hunting, couldn’t care less either way. It’s not a big issue for them. There are more important matters in the world. Fair enough. But for those of us who do care, it’s a very big issue indeed.
All animal cruelty is a big issue for me. And only a braying Hooray Henry on a horse would suggest fox hunting isn’t cruel. And here’s the thing. Re-opening the old wounds about fox hunting is a real vote loser for May.
It portrays the party exactly as she once said it shouldn’t be seen — the NASTY party.
Almost all the people who are pro-fox hunting are Conservative voters already. So she has nothing to gain by raising the issue now. And the latest opinion polls are very clear.
An enormous majority of the public want to keep fox hunting illegal. Something like 84 per cent, according to an Ipsos MORI poll last year.
Why, if you’re a sensible politician, with an election coming up, would you go out of your way to enrage those voters?
People like me, considering voting Tory for the first time ever.
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Mind you, I have form on the issue of hunting. I lost a perfectly good job (at the BBC) through my opposition to blood sports.
You see, those of us who care about it care very much indeed. If fox hunting comes back I’ll be out with the sabs.
It’s not just that. We’re trying to leave the European Union. And also reduce our massive balance of payments deficit. And prop up the NHS.
I would have thought those issues should keep any Prime Minister pretty busy for the next five years.
All of the dire warnings made by the hunting lobby have failed to come true.
There is no evidence that the fox population has increased in our countryside.
The rural economy has not suffered in the least since the ban came into effect.
A whole bunch of studies — from the universities of Bristol and Oxford and Aberdeen and York — suggest foxes are either beneficial to the countryside or neutral in their effect. The Government’s own scientists agree.
The Tories have always been pretty bad on animal welfare issues. But I thought they were beginning to change.
Looks like I was wrong about that.
Theresa, leave the foxes alone. If you want to indulge in blood sports, take it out on Corbyn.
Or you will lose many votes.
Nick not right for the BBC
THE two best interviews of the election campaign so far have both been on the same commercial local radio station – LBC.
They were both done by the same presenter – Nick Ferrari.
The first was an excruciating, toe-curling quizzing of a brain-dead Diane Abbott.
The next, even better, was Nick’s skewering of the genuinely cretinous Labour education spokesdrongo, Angela Rayner.
There isn’t a better political interviewer in the country than Ferrari.
So shouldn’t he be on national radio or TV? And why hasn’t the BBC poached him when he’s been the best for years?
Just what is it about the right-of-centre presenter that the BBC doesn’t like?
Dark humour
EXPERTS have been investigating naughty jokes.
They want to know why it is that people laugh at sexist and racist stories.
They worry that it might make us all more horribly sexist and racist.
Hmmm. Here’s the thing, you boffins.
1. We laugh at sexist and racist jokes because they’re FUNNY.
2. And the strange thing is, the more we’re told that we’re not allowed to tell them, the funnier they get.
Lucie bid is pointless
THAT annual campfest, The Eurovision Song Contest, is back with us again. Yay, rejoice, etc.
There’s a bloke in a dress, as usual. And a caterwauling hag from Georgia who sets light to her own head during the song.
Our entry is Lucie Jones, singing a turgid, whining ballad called Never Give Up On You.
The lyrics seem to have been written by an educationally challenged six-year-old. But Lucie belts it out as though it has meaning.
Good luck, love. The Europeans all hate us – one point would be a triumph.
Sexual harassment at work
THINKING of taking up a part-time job at property firm Your Move. Because of the perks and bonuses.
Paul Elworthy, claimed that his boss, a nice lady called Sarah Thompson, offered to perform a “sex act” on him. If he hit his sales target of £180,000. I’m sure those figures are negotiable.
For £180,000, I’d expect the sex act to be performed while she was wearing a Millwall kit.
Mr Elworthy is claiming constructive dismissal and sexual harassment. I find that a bit hard to swallow, frankly.
Grow up about Bethany
IT’S not often I feel sorry for Corbyn-supporting student union leaders.
Frankly, if they all vanished from the face of the earth I wouldn’t lose a whole bunch of sleep.
But I do feel a bit of sympathy for Bethany Barker, the NUS leader from Nottingham Uni, and a pal of Compo Corbyn.
She has resigned because of some truly horrible, racist, stuff she said on Twitter. When she was FOURTEEN.
Luckily we didn’t have social media when I was 14, or I’d be bang to rights on about 100 different charges.
Fourteen-year-olds eventually grow up (apart from me – I’m pretty much the same now).
And their childhood shouldn’t define them.
A bit of the udder
THE police had a helicopter up in the skies above Hertfordshire this week.
They were searching for a bloke who tried to give one to a cow.
A real cow, not an annoying woman.
He’d been seen in a field interfering with the creature.
The police said the cow “was unhurt”. Well, not physically maybe. But they don’t know how it feels inside, do they?
All this happened at seven o’clock in the morning. That’s a terribly early time of day to have sex with anything.
I hope he brought it a cup of tea afterwards.
“Milk? Ah, I see you’ve brought your own.”
The 'avocado hand'
THE middle classes are clogging up our hospital A&E departments.
It’s all because of something called “avocado hand”.
This is when some banker tries to remove an avocado stone with a knife. And ends up impaling his hand on the chopping board.
“Oh look, Oliver, you’ve got blood in the guacamole!” Anyway, doctors are sick of treating the injury.
Other middle-class ailments include hummus breath – it can kill a stoat at 40 paces – and carbon monoxide poisoning from wood-burning stoves.
Incidentally, Oliver and co . . . if you need a knife to remove an avocado stone, then the avocado isn’t ripe.
Antisemitism on the rise in London
THIS is the sort of stuff our Jewish community in London has to put up with.
A maniac armed with a meat cleaver stormed into two Jewish shops in Hackney.
He screamed at the people inside “You Jews run away from here before I kill you!”
Then he threatened two Jewish schoolgirls.
Anti-Semitic attacks have been rising sharply.
And many Jewish people feel London is no longer a safe place.