Imane Khelif is world’s first fictional trans Olympian – those who labelled her ‘male’ were deeply irresponsible

“IF it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck . . . then get it the duck out of the Olympic Games” appears to be messaging from Paris 2024.

Many, then, think boxers Imane Khelif and Lin Yu-ting will waddle their way to podium glory next week.

But how deeply sad that a global event with so, so many stories — ones of triumph, adversity, heartbreak and sheer, hard work against all odds — should focus on the back stories of these two individuals.

Everyone has their opinion. And everyone is entitled to their opinion.

But those with the loudest, people such as JK Rowling — who should really get back to Privet Drive and lay off some of the militant anti-trans stuff — need to be careful.

When the author labelled the athletes “male”, she knew what she was doing: Stirring up her cauldron of hatred and winding up the ill-informed masses.

It was deeply irresponsible.

Because in Algeria, where Khelif is from, it is illegal to be gay, let alone trans, which, let’s face it, is what the boxer stands accused of being.

In effect, she has become the world’s first fictional trans Olympian.

But she isn’t transgender. And never has been.

Because, as is the case so regularly these days, mis-information, conspiracy and gross exaggeration are rife.

And how tragically horrific if those vociferous individuals claiming to be standing up for women should see two women subsequently killed by hate mobs.

Where was JK’s outrage over the convicted Dutch male rapist Steven van de Velde being allowed to compete in the beach volleyball?

Or where, if she’s so concerned about advantageous hormones, was her anger over China’s gold medal-winning 4x100m medley team, which featured two swimmers who previously returned positive doping tests?

Yesterday, the Algerian athlete tore into the scrutiny of her gender as “harmful to human dignity”, begging people to “refrain from bullying”.

And then the International Boxing Association, the body which originally claimed the pair had failed “eligibility tests” without even categorically explaining what these tests are, openly bullied her.

The IBA, which has been banned from regulating Olympic boxing because of governance problems, a lack of financial transparency and many perceived instances of corruption, let its clearly mad Russian chief Umar Kremlev do the talking.

They shouldn’t have to drop their shorts

Kremlev ranted, sensitively: “The tests show they were men. We don’t verify what they have between their legs. We don’t know if they were born like that or if some changes were made.”

Very unhelpfully, the boxers themselves and their governing bodies are also refusing to say exactly what tests they had done. And in this, some blame lies with them.

Do the pair have conditions such as Swyer Syndrome which means they have female reproductive organs but higher levels of testosterone? Are they intersex? How raised is their testosterone?

Of course, they shouldn’t have to drop their shorts and show the world their genitalia.

But they must display more transparency.

The IOC’s ham-fisted handling of testing procedures also needs addressing.

And if these women really do have a grossly unfair advantage, then this must be dealt with — and yes, perhaps they should be competing against men, albeit in a lighter weight category.

After all, the hurt feelings of these athletes mustn’t triumph over common sense and the well-being of their XX-chromosomed counterparts.

Safety must come first, for everyone.

And that means no more rumour, no more conspiracy theories and no more wild conjecture. Just facts.

Medal loss is still a crotch win

IMAGINE having your Olympic dreams shattered by your own penis.

Still, every cloud for well-endowed French pole vaulter Anthony Ammirati (whose ill-contained manhood grazed the bar with enough force to send it crashing down, thus prematurely ending his hopes of a medal).

His social media numbers have soared, and a future on Only- Fans surely awaits.

Dolce Musk's pawful

NOW I’m all for a bit of dog indulgence.

Ya know, some bones, a toy box, a few squeaky balls.

I’m also totally fine with pet names, speaking to your dog in a pathetic baby voice and cuddling said dog like a baby.

What I’m not OK with is dog perfume.

Dolce & Gabbana has released an £85 scent called Fefe, designed to be sprayed on poor unsuspecting pooches.

The ludicrous ad suggests a spritz of said pawfume will leave your dog smelling “delicate, authentic, charismatic, fresh, irresistible and clean”.

That’s right, guys, totally f*** with your dog’s strongest sense by spraying him with notes of ylang-ylang and sandalwood.

LAST orders have been called at an alcohol-free bar in Manchester.

Owners of Love From, which opened in Dry January, blamed the current “financial situation” for its closure eight months later.

Might I suggest the £6 NON ALCOHOLIC beers might have had something to do with it.

Ironic riots

WHERE to start on the ironies contained within these senseless riots?

Firstly that the “people” trying to “take back their country” are doing so by setting it on fire.

Secondly that those screaming about immigrants overwhelming public services are the ones bombarding the fire service and police.

Or, perhaps, thirdly that those “proud patriots” – those jumping on people and demanding they speak English to prove their worth – believe looting a vape store shows intelligence.

Or, finally, that those protesting against the evil killing of three innocent young girls, using the banner of white supremacy to “protect” women, are largely men – men terrifying young girls in the feral streets of so-called Great Britain.

I love 2 hotshots

NO one exemplifies the Olympic spirit better than Turkish pistol shooter Yusuf Dikec. There’s hope for us all yet.

The 51-year-old shot his way to silver, casually smashing the target with one hand in his pocket, a causal white T-shirt and trainers and a little yellow ear plug.

In contrast, his young rivals donned visors, chunky ear defenders and blinders to shut out distractions and enhance focus.

Be more Yusuf.

SCRAP that, no one exemplifies the Olympic spirit better than Turkish pistol shooter Yusuf Dikec AND Team GB’s Amber Rutter.

The truly stoic Brit was robbed of gold in the skeet final after the referee failed to spot her successfully hitting her target – and a lack of video replay denied her the opportunity to appeal.

Me? I’d have been utterly seething. RAGING.

Not Amber.

“This is what happens in sport, it’s just what happens in the game,” she said, sanguinely.

“I just don’t want to take away from all the hard work that’s going into this medal and it’s something to be celebrated, not dwelled on.”

What a champ.

CAN someone please, please explain why, in 2024, when the rest of their kit is unimaginably high-tech and aerodynamic, athletes are still being made to haphazardly safety-pin their names to their vests on tatty bits of paper?

Answers in my inbox please.

Becca's my star

AFTER what seems like weeks of swimming, the pool part of the Games is finally over.

Forget the in-water action, the biggest winner, surely, was Rebecca Adlington – who has proven herself a truly brilliant, funny, knowledgeable and empathetic pundit.

Asked by Clare Balding if she had any advice to newly-retired Andy Murray, the former freestyler casually quipped: “Well, I found butter, cream, carbs and alcohol.”