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MEMO to the good people of Clacton: Vote for Nigel Farage tomorrow.

As I wrote recently, he will be a much-needed and highly entertaining challenge to the main parties in Parliament.

Despite Sir Keir Starmer now denouncing Corbynism, I remain unconvinced that the party has changed that much
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Despite Sir Keir Starmer now denouncing Corbynism, I remain unconvinced that the party has changed that muchCredit: AFP
I will be voting for no change in the unlikely hope that being elected as PM by the people will embolden Rishi Sunak’s new-found feistiness
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I will be voting for no change in the unlikely hope that being elected as PM by the people will embolden Rishi Sunak’s new-found feistinessCredit: AFP

But if you’re thinking of voting Reform outside the confines of the Essex seaside town . . . DON’T because, trust me — you’ll regret it.

There are only two parties with a hope of winning, and if you’re a disgruntled Conservative who puts an “X” next to Reform, you will be splitting the Tory vote and handing victory on a plate to Sir Keir Starmer.

A man who, despite trying to distance himself from Jeremy Corbyn, was an integral part of the former Labour leader’s inner circle and very much his champion when it suited his political ambition.

So, Scotland aside, which always ploughs its own furrow, where does that leave the voters of Great Britain?

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The Lib Dems — led by the Right Honourable Member for It’s A Knockout, Ed Davey.

And the Greens, led by double act Carla Denyer and Adrian Ramsay, who, Brighton and Bristol aside, the majority of the electorate couldn’t pick out in an ID parade.

Leaving us with Rishi Sunak, the man who has been our unelected Prime Minister since October 2022 and finds himself being slapped on the head, Benny Hill-style, at every political debate with the refrain: “The Tories have been in power for 14 years and done bog all.”

Which, considering Boris Johnson handed them an 80+ seat majority in July 2019, is a fair point.

But factor in the global pandemic of 2020 and the disastrous six weeks of Liz Truss (a self-inflicted party wound) and ask yourself this: Would any PM have found a miracle cure to the economic fallout?

It was always going to be an uphill struggle and now, just as global auditing firm KPMG is predicting “modest positive growth in the UK over the remainder of this year and 2025” and “interest rates expected to drop towards three per cent by the end of 2025”, Labour is beating the drum of “change” as we enter the polling booths.

Rishi Sunak takes swipe at Keir Starmer’s plan to knock off at 6pm on Friday – as PM says he works ‘day AND night’

But change isn’t always the Holy Grail that partisan spin doctors would have you believe.

Sometimes it’s the path to nowhere or, worse, back down the hill we have just climbed.

Ignore the bigger picture at your peril.

Make the country less attractive for the “super rich” and they will just pack up and leave — taking their jobs, assets and charitable donations with them.

Tony Blair understood that, but although Sir Keir claims he will be a PM for economic growth, the politics of envy is rarely far from an old-fashioned socialist’s mind and his policy to slap VAT on private school fees is a fundamental misunderstanding of middle-income families.

By sending their kids to private schools, they are forgoing the state resources they already pay for in their taxes and leaving extra state school spaces for those who need them.

And Sir Keir’s assertion that he wouldn’t use private healthcare even if a loved one was seriously ill and facing a long NHS waiting list didn’t sound believable to me.

It also suggests that it might be next in line for VAT — prompting a sizeable number to join the NHS queues they otherwise help alleviate.

I remain unconvinced that the party has changed that much

But my biggest reason for not trusting Sir Keir’s instincts is his clarification that when he rules out tax rises for “working people”, he is referring to those without savings.

Sigh. My 92-year-old mother was a war baby who started out as a secretary, trained as a teacher and worked solely in the state sector right up until retirement.

She saved all her life to pay for her old age, and now that money is being drained away at an alarming rate to pay for her dementia care.

Embolden Rishi Sunak’s new-found feistiness

I have no issue with that.

But, aside from those who can’t save because they are living hand to mouth, there are millions more who, unlike my mum, choose to spend their disposable income on nice holidays and a fancy car, rather than stash it for “a rainy day”.

And when they reach retirement and the income dries up, they will need help from the state.

So any government that penalises savers is basically advocating a “spend, spend, spend” mindset that will drive the country off a cliff economically.

I voted New Labour in 1997 and 2001, because they understood that without the support of wealth creators and savers, economic growth is impossible.

But despite Sir Keir now denouncing Corbynism, I remain unconvinced that the party has changed that much.

So tomorrow I will be voting for no change in the admittedly unlikely hope that being elected as PM by the people will embolden Rishi Sunak’s new-found feistiness and allow him to tackle some of the thornier problems (uncontrolled immigration being one of them), facing this country while building on the modest growth it is now experiencing.

See you on the other side.

BECCA FOOTIE RESULT

WHEN England footie star Phil Foden left Germany to return home to the UK, it was described as a “pressing” family matter.

Phil Foden was by girlfriend Rebecca Cooke's side as she gave birth to their third child but back in time for Sunday’s game
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Phil Foden was by girlfriend Rebecca Cooke's side as she gave birth to their third child but back in time for Sunday’s gameCredit: Eamonn and James Clarke

Pressing on girlfriend Rebecca Cooke’s cervix, as it happens.

And thanks to her impeccable timing of delivering (either naturally or selectively) between Euros matches, Phil was by her side as she gave birth to their third child but back in time for Sunday’s game.

Now that’s what you call dedicated cervixes to Wagdom.


KING Charles has launched a range of pet products with royal logos including Buckingham Palace, Windsor Castle and Scotland’s Holyroodhouse.

The items for the Royal Collection Trust include a toy bone, a bandana and a £30 china food bowl with 22-carat gold piping and crown motif.

No mention as yet of a doghouse for Harry and Meghan.


PLANE STUPID

HOUSING officials in Los Angeles have blocked the demolition of the “only home that [Marilyn] Monroe ever owned” by the wealthy couple who bought it last July.

Officials in LA have blocked the demolition of the 'only home that [Marilyn] Monroe ever owned' by the wealthy couple who bought it
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Officials in LA have blocked the demolition of the 'only home that [Marilyn] Monroe ever owned' by the wealthy couple who bought itCredit: Getty

They also own the house next door and said as part of their representation that the high numbers of tourists visiting Marilyn’s old home was making their lives a misery.

Didn’t they think of that before shelling out $8.35million for it?

It’s like buying a house next to Heathrow then complaining about the planes.

Phoebe knew what was hot, not men

BBC exec Shane Allen commissioned the first series of Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s Fleabag and gave her free creative rein.

Andrew Scott became our beloved 'hot priest' in Fleabag
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Andrew Scott became our beloved 'hot priest' in FleabagCredit: STEVE SCHOFIELD/AMAZON STUDIOS
Phoebe Waller-Bridge only had free creative rein in the first series, until Amazon invested cash in the second outing
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Phoebe Waller-Bridge only had free creative rein in the first series, until Amazon invested cash in the second outingCredit: BBC/Two Brothers/Steve Schofield

But he says when Amazon invested cash in the second outing, “a whole raft of US male execs turned up” and demanded that “Andrew Scott was recast with only four days until the shoot started”.

Probably because they wanted some obvious “heart-throb” like Zac Efron or Chris Hemsworth.

As we now know, Phoebe ignored them and Andrew became our beloved “hot priest”.

How men fail to understand women: Part 345.

GLASTO COSTS A JOKE

WHILE artist Banksy was floating an inflatable migrant boat over the crowd at Glastonbury as a political statement, hundreds of gatecrashers were leaping over the festival’s own strict borders because they either hadn’t managed to get tickets or couldn’t afford the high cost of VIP entry.

Oh the irony.

Banksy floated an inflatable migrant boat over the crowd at Glastonbury as a political statement
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Banksy floated an inflatable migrant boat over the crowd at Glastonbury as a political statementCredit: X/MrCarb1


GLASTONBURY is partnered with Greenpeace and organisers say it “does not endorse or facilitate travel by helicopter except for operational purposes”.

And yet, on Friday alone, an anti-noise group reported 85 flights in to the area and a nearby hotel offered a runway for private planes in addition to its six helipads.

Does the urgency with which various VIPs wish to skip traffic jams, get backstage and quaff Champagne count as operational reasons?

Answers on a sustainable postcard please.


WOMEN in high-flying jobs are more likely to feel “imposter syndrome” than their male colleagues, says new research.

One wonders whether men like David Tennant telling them to “shut up” when they express a differing opinion might play its part?

WHAT DID HE SAY?

AROUND 72 per cent of Gen Z are embracing foreign films with subtitles as they show an “increased interest in new cultures”, says the latest research.

Meanwhile, more than half of those in their mid to late 50s find them a turn-off.

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Nonsense. I’m 62 and have subtitles on all the time.

Mind you, it’s primarily on English-speaking dramas where the trend for mumbling and muted lighting has become so commonplace that, without them, I haven’t the faintest clue what’s going on.

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