Marriage is all about compromise and I’m happy to love and honour… but obey? I think not

ONE story that caught my eye was actress Amanda Redman saying she is “desperate” for a boob reduction – but her husband won’t let her.

“They’re too big”, she said in an interview. “And they’ve got bigger during the menopause, but my husband is happy with them.

“I want a boob job, but he says he’d divorce me.”

To be fair to both Amanda and her husband, designer Damian Schnabel, she was probably exaggerating, as I doubt whether her potential boob job really is a divorce issue between them.

But it does make me wonder about why on earth, if your partner told you they were deeply unhappy with something and they felt they had a possible solution, you would try to stop them?

I guess there is a thin line between spousal influence, and spousal control within a marriage.

When it comes to marriage vows, I agree with the “love and honour” bit. But the “obey” part? Not so much.

Considering your partner’s view about something that will radically change your looks is important.

After all, if you like someone enough to marry them, you probably respect their opinion too.

But it’s equally as important to do what’s right for you — not them. No one should ever allow themselves to be controlled by anyone, even if they happen to be married to them.

I watched a TV show the other day about a man who has ­covered his face in tattoos. He looks terrifying.

And his wife — who married a man without tattoos on his face — thinks so too.

She hates them, although she (just about) still loves him and has accepted the new him, tatts and all, because marriage is about compromise.

Sure, if you have a good marriage you should feel able to be honest.

My husband Paul certainly is when it comes to my appearance, and there are certain things I wear that I know he doesn’t like.

The other day I had on a pair of trousers that gather at the bottom. I think the exact word he used to describe them was “horrendous”. But they are comfy, I like them, and that’s all that matters.

Would my husband prefer me to wear short skirts, G-strings and uncomfortable bras that look amazing?

I’m sure he would. Do I wear them? Absolutely not.

I wear big comfy knickers that are very practical. Yes, of course I make exceptions — but when I fancy doing so.

The same would apply if I was considering cosmetic surgery (which is highly unlikely, I might add). I’d listen to what he had to say but, ultimately, I’d take the view that it’s my body and I do what I like.

I guess what I’m talking about is getting the balance right between marital respect — and autonomy.

And both respect and autonomy within a marriage are in peril when one partner tells the other what they can and can’t wear — or do with their body.

Sure, we want to look good for our spouse. But ultimately I think the path to self-respect and happiness comes from judging not whether your spouse likes something — but whether you do.

It also comes from feeling like you make your own decisions.

And when pleasing your partner begins to feel like it’s compromising you, it’s worth remembering that if someone truly loves you, they want you to be happy — whatever that means.

Obviously, when it comes to a ­recipe for a good marriage, ideally there would be a way to meet in the middle and please both parties.

But Paul, if you’re reading this — I’m keeping the trousers!

Bey's big announcement

BEYONCE’S announcement that she and Jay Z are expecting twins got a world record-breaking 9.6million likes on Instagram.

I guess that’s evidence of just how desperate the world is for some good news.

Depp may have millions... but is he happy?

WERE you as agog as I was to read that Johnny Depp spent £21million in the past YEAR alone – including £24k a month on wine? I’m guessing he didn’t do dry January.

In recent years he is also said to have spent £8million on a massive art collection, as well as 70 collectible guitars – and picked up the £2.4million bill for a cannon to blast the ashes of his friend, the author Hunter S Thompson, into space.

When you consider he also spent £238,600 a month maintaining a team of 40 staff and £159,000 a month on private planes, you’d be forgiven for finding it all a bit, well, excessive.

It’s easy to conclude the man has some kind of manic shopping addiction and is starring in his very own version of Spend Spend Spend.

We all know money doesn’t buy you happiness, although there is no denying that it does buy you options.

But when someone purchases a 70th guitar, you’ve got to wonder what it is about No70 that’s going to make them happier than No69?

I guess it demonstrates that it doesn’t matter how much you’ve got, sometimes “more” is never enough.

It’s pretty clear that someone with 70 guitars is looking for happiness and satisfaction in the wrong places, and this kind of spending seems indicative of someone who is the opposite of content.

So next time you find yourself thinking that money is the key to happiness, remember Johnny Depp.

You don’t need multiple musical instruments to make yourself happy. You need contentment. And you find that by accepting yourself.

Lonely fools and horses

DID you hear the one about the former stable girl engaged to a £148million EuroMillions winner – who then left him, reportedly taking 30 thoroughbred horses worth up to £300,000 with her?

According to news reports Sam Burbidge, 29, allegedly left her partner Adrian Bayford’s £6million home with the animals he had given her, a £100,000 horse box, a £60,000 sports car and their two dogs.

Well, I never saw this coming!

There is a saying that there is no fool like an old fool, but maybe on this occasion that should be changed to there is no fool like an old, rich fool.