Hateful abuse over Charlie’s tomb is deeply hurtful to us, say cancer victim’s family as locals boycott church over plot
A COLOSSAL granite headstone spanning three burial plots and festooned with county flags has sparked a furious church boycott by some parishoners.
The breathtaking County Donegal memorial to Charlie McDonagh features stone carvings of the 21-year-old, his car, phone, sunglasses, Rolex watch, cologne and even his favourite tipple.
Complaints about the towering 15ft memorial, visible from nearly a kilometre away, have been raised with councillors, the local priest and the family of Charlie.
And vile racist abuse about the “tasteless” grave and even the lad himself, who bravely battled cancer until he passed a year ago last month, have appeared online.
Work on the striking gravestone at St Agatha’s, Clar, just outside Donegal town, began after the local McDonagh family purchased three plots to host the mighty memorial.
Because of Charlie’s young age, hundreds of relatives arranged a whip-round to fund the headstone which is thought to have cost north of €150,000.
His family told The Irish Sun they are “aware people are not happy with it” but that this is what they wanted for Charlie.
Parents Martin and Kathleen McDonagh say they found it hurtful to know that not just their son’s grave but the late Charlie himself have been hit with abuse online.
Grieving hard for the hugely popular young man, Martin told us: “People can have their problems with the grave and they can say what they like about me, but the things being said about my son are not right.
“We see people calling it a ‘knacker’s grave’ and ‘tasteless’ and it’s very hurtful for us as a family.”
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Martin and Kathleen, mourning heavily, have worn black every day since their son died in March 2023.
A shrine to Charlie takes up a sizable section of the kitchen in their Donegal town home, while a larger-than-life image of the lad dominates their living room.
Even his bedroom has been closed off, the door locked and room untouched since he died.
Martin said he would “do anything in the world” to have his son back and stressed that, in line with his culture, it had been important to create something out-of-the-ordinary for Charlie’s resting place.
'THAT IS HIS PLACE'
He said: “Some people aren’t happy, some are, but we can’t keep everyone happy.
“I want people to understand that my son is lying there, and that is his place and our family place as much as it is anyone’s place.
“What Charlie went through in his short life was unreal. To watch your child, a big grown man of 6ft, 1in, suffer the way he did, we’ll never get over it.
“He rarely smoked. He rarely drank. He went off to England working. He was into boxing, a big strong fella, and he had his life taken away in five or six months.
“We watched that happen, hoping and praying and they did what they could to save him but it didn’t work.”
One parishioner at St Agatha’s, who does not want to be named, said many of the defining events of her life have involved the church and cemetery.
It’s a shame it has come to this
She told us: “My father is buried there and I hoped to be buried there myself. Families have a right to grieve but they must do so in a way that respects others who are grieving. Myself and other parishioners are so upset by what has happened we have decided to boycott the church in Clar and go to mass in Killmard or Ballintra.
“It’s a shame it has come to this.”
Kathleen said there had never been any intention to hurt and that her son’s death had been a devastating event for many.
She said hundreds of Travelling people turned up to say a final farewell after he passed She said: “There were settled people, Polish people, people came from Australia, and for us it was telling us what people thought of Charlie. He wasn’t out at nightclubs and all that, he’d sometimes be going to bed at the time we were going to bed.
“And maybe some of his settled friends would ring and ask for a lift because Charlie wouldn’t be drinking and he’d go and bring them home. He wouldn’t see people stuck. That was Charlie.”
Martin said: “We’re wearing black now 12 months on. I will keep wearing black. My head won’t allow me to stop.
'VERY PRECIOUS TO US'
“I’m at his grave nearly every day. I could spend two hours there, There are days I have been there four or five times.
“I get comfort there, I do. Some people go drinking or go over the edge with their grief, but this is what we do.
“That grave is very precious to us. And Donegal was very precious to Charlie so that’s why the flags are there. I know it’s a shock to the town. They have never seen something like this and I understand that.
“But if people go to Sligo or Cavan, Dublin, Cork, Limerick where there’s 500 Travellers living in one place you will see big stones like that.
“It’s our belief as Traveller people that we should do that.
“I know if I died - and I would if I could swap places with Charlie, no question - well, I know people would do that for me. So there are people I will do that for and Charlie was one of them.”
He said “from day one the plots were bought fair and square.”
Martin added: “That’s a family plot. I will be going there, my father and mother and my wife will go in there. There are three grave plots but for all of us.”
Charlie, one of five siblings, all boys, was taken into hospital in October 2022, the day before his 21st birthday, suffering back pain.
CANCER BATTLE
From there, the family would learn he had cancer and watched as he fast became ill. At first he responded well to treatment and there were hopes he would be home for Christmas.
But he didn’t get home until March last year, when he spent time visiting family and, in one of his final acts, arranging gifts for his parents as he returned to hospital in Belfast.
He sadly passed away soon after.
Martin said: “We think he was trying to tell us something by the way he left things. We want to let him rest now and we say to people who are complaining and saying racist things to give us a break. I was at his grave one time and there was a man measuring it.
“He scratched it with his measuring tape. I would never touch somebody else’s grave.
“Someone said there are people wanting to take my son’s headstone down. I will be honest with you, I would take a person’s life for that.
“That’s how I feel about Charlie and that grave. There is only so much I can take.”
There are questions being asked over planning and regulations
Donegal independent Cllr Tom Conaghan said that while the issue had not been raised at council, it is being discussed.
He told us: “There are people saying it is over the top and not happy with the flags on top of it.
“There are questions being asked over planning and regulations.”
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It’s understood that while some council areas do stipulate headstone height restrictions, that policy is not in place in Donegal.
Donegal County Council and St Agatha’s parish priest Fr James Gillespie did not respond to our request for comment.