The US Election means Brexit Britain holds Trump cards while European Union has none

ISN’T it amazing how luck plays a role in politics? When we voted for Brexit, I was genuinely fearful how it might turn out, with the whole of Europe ­wanting to stick it to us.

Then along came The ­Donald. And suddenly it all looks so different.

A trade deal with the United States is now within our grasp. That would be of massive commercial value.

And I would ignore the threats from Brussels (mainly from some clapped-out drunk from Luxembourg) that talks could only begin after we have exited.

Go hell for leather

What are they going to do? Throw us out?

We should go hell for leather for every deal. That would put the EU absolutely on the back foot.

The reality is that the EU has no cards to play. It needs us for defence or else Russia could simply march through Eastern Europe.

It needs us for our money. It sells loads to us while we sell much less to them, which is my argument about starting our own car industry.

They need the City to finance their businesses. Where else are they going to go? New York?

Forget it — they are our trade partners. Tokyo? European business leaders couldn’t even find it in a light mist.

An independent future with countries from all over the world wanting to be our friend rather than being one of the German gang is where we are.

Isn’t that great?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: It’s all thanks to Nigel Farage.

AT London Bridge Underground station the staff are shaking the bucket for the Yemen crisis appeal.

Looking at the commuters rushing past with their eyes firmly averted, I think they might do better with the Guildford crisis appeal.

Surrey County Council (Guildford is the county town) says it can’t meet the social care bill and is to hold a local referendum seeking a rise of 15 per cent in council tax bills. To quote an Aussie expression, I bet my ar*e to London Bridge that the answer will be a resounding no.

My suggestion is the council continues to focus on cutting costs, with a special eye on the £40,000-a-year remuneration the council “cabinet” members currently receive. Every little helps.

Pension sharks have no shame

HAVING given the sharks at St James’s Place wealth management a good whack in Friday’s column for hiding their fees from pension switching and making it damn near impossible to work out their annual charges, I received a note from their lawyers.

You might have thought they would thank me for raising an issue important to their customer base and invite me in to ­redesign their website to make it clear how much they skimmed from pensioners.

Not a word of it.

Instead their lawyers Schillings (two-bob or what?) wanted me to make clear their clients were “only” pocketing 24 per cent of the increase in the ­pension’s value and not the 35 per cent I had stated. Well, that is a relief. Mind you, their chief executive and his 5,000 staff (wouldn’t you rather play the piano in a pissoir than work there?) are doing just fine out of the various hidden charges.

Last year CEO David Bellamy trousered a handy £3.1million for his creative efforts in obfuscation.

What is even more astonishing is that he is deputy chairman of something called the Practitioner Panel of the Financial Conduct Authority (FCA).

The FCA is supposed to be looking after the consumer interest not cosying up to rogues like St James’s Place and their lobby group.

Banks, energy and phone companies don’t have switching fees and nor should pension companies. The FCA should ban them immediately plus make “wealth management” businesses explain clearly to their customers every year how much they took out of their pensions, with the consumer having the ability to contest the charge. While they are at it, the FCA bosses should disband the Practitioner Panel.

Now St James’s Place is on my radar I’ll be setting up my own Anti Practitioner Panel. And I will be doing it for nothing.

Perhaps you would like to join it?

BE careful what you wish for, Mr Payet.

Over the past five years 11 players with Marseilles have been robbed, including Newcastle loanee Florian Thauvin, who the thugs tried to strangle while attempting to nick his £22,000 watch.

As you move from West Ham this week, might I suggest you include the price of a couple of heavies in the contract.

You will need them.

It’s the same Ol story

OLLY MURS’ twin brother Ben reveals he has changed his name and hasn’t spoken to the pop star in seven years, claiming that when he did try to make contact he received a text saying: “Delete my number and move on with your life.”

All hurtful stuff and not helped by washing dirty linen in public.

Every family from the royals to the Camerons has feuds and imagined sleights. My advice: Least said, soonest mended. Might make a decent lyric.

HOW many times have I said it? Loyalty definitely does not pay.

Column reader Jon Reilly from Chelmsford, Essex, was paying £72 a month for his home insurance to Aviva, who kindly dropped the price to £61.

Jon took my long-time advice and went on my  price comparison site – he could have gone to Confused or whatever – and got the same cover for an astonishing £10 a month, saving £612 annually.

He then did the same in energy, switching to Octopus and saving £30 a month. As he says himself: “£80 a month saved for minimal effort.”

Do send your saving stories to kelvin@the-sun.co.uk

IF that errant unarmed Trident missile 200 miles off the Florida coast had taken out Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate in Miami then I’m not sure Mrs May would be quite so welcome at the White House this Friday.

Jez is no Winston

INSPIRED by seeing the figure of Winston Churchill back in the Oval Office, I went to the great man’s country retreat at Chartwell in Kent on Saturday. It was fantastic.

The video of his state funeral with Elgar’s Nimrod playing in the background was beyond moving. The crowds in 1965 were six-deep and the cranes along the Thames bowed in homage to him.
Churchill gave 64 years of his life to public office, a victor in war and peace. I love his quote: “Success consists of going from failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm.”

It’s always been my personal mantra.

It got me thinking. What is the most Jeremy Corbyn can expect for his 42 years in public life?

A plaque at the local crematorium with the line: “You did it, Jeremy – you destroyed the Labour Party. Congratulations.”

You’ve gut to shape up, Ed

LOOKING at this photo, don’t you think Ed Balls should be joining me at Slimming World in the church hall on Tuesday nights instead of going on a commercial tour with the Strictly Come Dancing cast?

At 49, that is a dangerous old paunch, Ed.

I never used to worry about him when he was in Brown’s Cabinet. In fact, had he dropped dead, I might have let out a small cheer.

Now he gives me pleasure, not pain, I fear for him carrying that lot around his middle.

Come on Ed, you must have a diet book in you – everybody else has.

Punnies

IN a butcher’s at Sunningdale, Berks – Well Hung, Matured And Available.

Burger restaurant in Taunton, Somerset – Bare Grills.

Earth-moving truck in Middlesbrough – I Like To Move It, Move It.

On a recovery truck in Bedford – Always On Our Tows.

On a plumber’s van in Gorseinon, South Wales – Don’t Sleep With A Drip, Call Me.

Drainage van in Hanworth, Middx – Only Rods And Hoses.

Some great punnies. Do send more to ­kelvin@the-sun.co.uk