AT 6 foot 7 inches tall, Tory rebel Sir Simon Clarke cast a long shadow over today’s PMQs.
Tory MPs had opened their newspapers over breakfast this morning to discover he had called for Rishi Sunak to be ousted as PM, warning he and his colleagues would be “massacred” at the ballot box if they did not act.
But as the House of Commons' Tory rebel corner filled up with the usual faces who have been plotting discord and mayhem, Sir Simon was nowhere to be seen.
His fellow rebel mischief maker Miriam Cates - the golden-tressed Queen of the New Conservative group - was bobbing for a question. Was she going to plunge the knife?
In Sir Simon’s absence, Sir Keir Starmer - another knight of the realm - leapt at the chance to seize on the Tory infighting to stick the boot into the PM.
Gesturing at the Tory benches, he boomed: “I love the quaint tradition where the more they slag him off behind his back the louder they cheer in here.”
The Tories are “fighting each other to death” in a drama which is like “the longest episode of Eastenders” ever, he declared.
But Rishi Sunak hit back at the Labour leader - pointing out he had chopped and changed his policies with the wind.
Gesturing to the leader of the Opposition, Rishi said: “He is not a leader - he is a human weathervane.”
As the clock ticked a stream of Conservative MPs stood up to ask their questions.
You could almost see the beads of sweat trickle down Rishi's face as he waited to hear if another of his so-called party faithful was going to call for his head.
Tory rebel Tom Hunt asked about the shortage of NHS dentists.
Fellow Conservative Sheryll Murray demanded a new footbridge for her local constituency.
Lib Dem MP Layla Moran attacked water company bosses for dumping sewage in rivers.
Finally, it was the turn of Mrs Cates.
Was the darling of the Tory Right going to row in behind Sir Simon Clarke and dump a load of crap on Rishi?
No. She called for a ban on social media and smartphones for under 16s to stop the scourge of bullying online.
Turns out the Tory party didn't much feel like plotting revolution over their cornflakes…
