Help fight the Government’s plan to silence the free Press – and save your own freedom

OVER the past few years, my wife’s phone has been hacked.

Friends have been pursued across ploughed fields by the paparazzi.

Every girl I ever spoke to was billed in the next day’s papers as a “mystery blonde”.

And every little thing I ever did was twisted by wilfully obtuse journalists to make it look like I was Hitler.

Newspapers, and the people who produce them and write them and own them, are a constant thorn in my side, an unending headache, and I sometimes lay awake at night wondering what the editor of the Daily Mail would look like without a head.

So you’d expect me to be whooping for joy at the news that over the Christmas break, while you’re making merry with the party poppers and the crackers, various shadowy Government people are drawing up plans to bring the nation’s newspapers to heel.

But I’m not. I’m horrified to the point of panicky breathlessness. And you should be too.

If you were asked to define what is actually meant by a “free country”, you may say that it’s the freedom to worship whatever God you hold dear or the freedom to vote in an election.

But actually, the keystone of freedom is a press that is completely and utterly free from any sort of government interference.

The Government, quietly, while you are drunk in front of the television, is staging a coup. It is taking control of the papers so it can effectively control what’s written in them

Think about it.

When there’s a coup, the first thing the wannabe leader tries to do is take control of the nation’s television and radio stations.

Having the ability to broadcast his message to everyone is more important than having control of the country’s army or air force.

That’s what is happening here.

The Government, quietly, while you are drunk in front of the television, is staging a coup.

It is taking control of the papers so it can effectively control what’s written in them.

Remember the exposé of MP’s expenses, when we learned they’d been using our money to build duck houses in their moats?

Well, that won’t be allowed any more.

Of course, you may ask why newspapers don’t simply ignore the proposed Government edict and carry on as before.

It’s not like there are soldiers with guns in the offices, throwing hand grenades at the editor and taking journalists to a stadium to be disappeared.

Aha. No. That’s true.

But here’s the deal that’s being considered.

If any newspaper fails to sign up to a new regulatory body — it’s called Impress and it’s funded in part by Max Mosley — then they will be hounded into bankruptcy by the most disgusting plan to emerge from Britain since the invention of the concentration camp.

It is this.

If a newspaper prints a completely true story about a government minister — or anyone else for that matter — he can sue.

And the paper will be forced to pay his legal costs.

EVEN IF HE LOSES THE CASE.

This means that newspapers will be full of nothing but the loveliness of Theresa May’s hair and how Rolf Harris has many good points.

Of course, you may argue that you don’t care, because you have social media these days and that tells you everything you need to know.

Rubbish.

When you see harrowing footage on YouTube or Twitter of some dead bodies in Syria, you are told by the voiceover that they were killed by the president’s army.

But were they?

Who is doing the voiceover?

Who took the pictures?

Who uploaded them?

You don’t know.

You don’t even know the people covered in blood are really dead.

Twitter and sites like it tell us everything — and that’s the problem.

They tell us the bellendboy2945 is having a burger for his lunch and that kookygirl3756 is going to Topshop, and while these things are news, they don’t matter.

We need someone to filter the endless noise, to decide what’s important and what isn’t, what’s true and what’s not.

That’s why we need newspapers.

And they should be stronger than they are now, not weaker.

I learned the other day that the RAF has dropped four times more bombs on Syria and Iraq in recent months than it did in the whole of the ten-year Afghanistan campaign.

And how many journalists are out there, checking up on what these bombs are being dropped on?

No, you’re wrong.

The correct answer is none.

That almost certainly suits the Government very well.

The last thing it needs in a confusing campaign is some pesky hack in a trilby poking around in the armaments store, asking awkward questions.

But it’s just plain wrong that Our Boys can wage a war without checks and balances from the fifth estate.

The newspapers. It hasn’t happened since the Charge of the Light Brigade, for God’s sake.

On a much smaller scale, what do you think stops me from accepting a bribe to say a car is very nice on the Grand Tour?
I’d love to tell you it’s my solid backbone and my unshakable love of honesty and integrity.

But the truth is, I stay squeaky clean on that front because I fear the newspapers finding out.

I bet the same thing happens in big business.

They know that if they do something dodgy, they’ll never be caught out by Plod or whatever government agency is in place to keep them in check.

But they do worry that the papers will get a whiff. That’s what keeps them honest.

I know this won’t be a popular sentiment in The Sun but I feel sorry for former motor racing boss Max Mosley.

He chose to spend his afternoons paying prostitutes to pick lice from his hair, and I agree that this really is his business.

It’s the same story with Hugh Grant. He chose to relieve some of the pressure in his scrotum while away in Los Angeles, and what business is that of ours?

But if we introduce legislation to stop newspapers writing about Hugh and Max, then it will also prevent them from writing about stuff that really does matter.

And now you’re thinking, “Well you would say that. You get paid to write in The Sun and The Sunday Times every week”.

Yup. I do.

But as you may have read — IN THE NEWSPAPERS — I get paid a lot more by Amazon to drive round corners while shouting.

I come here every week, when I really don’t need to, because I love newspapers.

I love the smell of them.

I love the weight of them.

I love the surprises and the gravitas and the brilliance and the wit.

I love the way that a paper can be written in a day, and then printed, and then delivered to your door, whether you are in Penzance or Inverness, the next morning.

And all for a few pence.

There is nothing you can buy today — with the possible exception of a McDonald’s Happy Meal — which offers better value for money.

And Britain is unique in the world for having such a massive range of choice.

Unlike any other country in the world, we have 11 national daily papers. And we should be proud of that.
Instead, we are going to let the Government give the newspaper owners a simple choice. Succumb to state control or go out of business.

If you really don’t think this is a good idea, then email presspolicy@culture.gov.uk and make your feelings known.
Or else I’ll see you on the flip side of Christmas, with a column about how the Government is magnificent and never makes mistakes of any kind ever.