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JANE MOORE
Has jailbreaker Daniel Khalife actually done the prison service a favour by exposing weak security?
GUARDS at women’s prison HMP Downview have complained of feeling light-headed from inhaling fumes from zombie drug Spice.
A new report says there’s a “resigned acceptance” about the synthetic cannabis being so readily available at the jail, and some MPs have suggested gas masks be issued to affected staff.
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Ye Gods, what the hell is going on in our prisons?
Drugs being smuggled in to a supposedly “closed category” prison where, according to its website, “all visitors will need to be given a pat-down search, including children” and, “You may be sniffed by a security dog.”
And a terror suspect in a chef’s uniform escaping from the kitchens of HMP Wandsworth and hiding himself under an exiting delivery van that sailed through two security gates.
Utterly laughable. It’s harder to be 17 and get past the bouncers at an over-18s nightclub.
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Charlie Taylor, the Chief Inspector of Prisons, says: “The issue that we are particularly concerned about is there are too many prisoners in Wandsworth for the amount of staff who are there.”
But Justice Secretary Alex Chalk has countered that the relevant positions were staffed on the morning of the escape and the question was whether “the protocols were applied”.
Whatever the truth behind how Khalife managed to pull off a stunt that seems implausible outside a Bond movie, an urgent inquiry is now under way and, no doubt, we’ll be told that “lessons have been learned”.
Meanwhile, one of the burning questions is why a terror suspect was being held in medium-security Wandsworth when they are usually kept in the higher-security environs of HMP Belmarsh.
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It suggests that, ironically, the authorities didn’t regard the 21-year-old former soldier as a flight risk.
But that said, after a huge four-day manhunt and some excellent detective work by police, he was “fully co-operative” when eventually caught just 12 miles away — cycling along a canal towpath in Northolt with the same curly hairdo, a change of clothes, a bottle of water for hydration and a Waitrose cooler bag which appeared to contain food.
So at first glance, it doesn’t seem like the actions of someone who was lying low with a newly shaved head while waiting for fake documents to get him abroad.
Following his capture, Khalife’s mum Farnaz, a former nurse who now lives in Wales, says her son “does not live in reality”, suggests he’s a bit of a fantasist, and says she took him to child and adolescent mental health services when he was a teen.
She thought that joining the Army had been good for him, but then he allegedly left three canisters with wires on a desk in his accommodation at MOD Stafford and gathered information that might be useful to enemies of the UK.
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So he ended up at HMP Wandsworth, awaiting trial for offences of breaching the Official Secrets Act and carrying out a bomb hoax at his barracks.
The forthcoming court case will look at the facts and decide if he’s an alleged terrorist or just an odd, albeit resourceful, kid carrying out troubling fantasies.
But in the meantime he’s perhaps done the prison service a favour by exposing how easy it was to escape from a supposedly secure compound.
HMP Wandsworth is slap bang in the middle of a leafy enclave of South London, with a swanky garden centre opposite, a gastro pub a few yards away, and surrounded by houses worth millions.
So perhaps it’s time to close it down and rebuild one on a large expanse of wasteland like those “supermax” jails in the US where, in the unlikely event you’d even be able to escape, you’d have to be Bear Grylls to survive the journey to the nearest town.
DID KED FAIL TO SCORE?
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THE fourth and final season of Sex Education drops next Thursday.
To promote it, a new ad campaign shows its stars affecting an ‘orgasmic’ expression, with the slogan “Let’s climax together”.
Clever.
Though to be honest, the face pulled by Kedar Williams-Stirling – who plays Jackson – is reminiscent of the one blokes pull when their footie team misses a goal.
Time to create a new cabinet
BARELY a day now passes without a story on civil servants “working from the beach” or overstepping their supposedly non-partisan remit by deliberately nobbling proposed policies they don’t like.
So, with a General Election looming next year, perhaps it’s time for the incumbent government to create a new Cabinet post to wheedle out the state wheat from the chaff?
Let’s call the successful candidate the “Minister for Jenga”.
In other words, if you can pull someone’s role from the tower of responsibility and it doesn’t topple over, they are obviously dispensable.
No leg pull by Jen
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NO, Jennifer Aniston hasn’t had a nasty run-in with one of those inflatable tube men that blow in the wind outside car dealerships.
This, apparently, is a pair of “compression trousers” that massages the body, stimulates the body’s lymphatic system and helps get rid of cellulite by removing excess fluid and toxins.
Cripes, what a faff though. And an expensive one too – with each treatment costing around £100 if you go to a salon, or £8,000 if you buy the machine for personal use at home.
But well done Ms Aniston for posting this image on her Instagram account to show that, to look as good as she does in a bikini, takes time, effort, money and potential ridicule.
I'm not down in the dumps
“DULL Kev” Beresford is famous for his dreary calendars.
The Best Of British Roundabouts springs to mind as a gem of drabness, with Car Parks Of Britain coming a close, somnambulant second.
But his latest offering takes the stale biscuit, as well as old fridges, garden waste, VHS players and all those clothes you’ve been hoarding from the Eighties that don’t have Lycra and you’ve got fat chance of ever wearing again.
Yes, I’m talking about the “Rubbish Dumps Of England” 2024 calendar.
I LOVE a trip to my local dump.
It’s so cathartic to rid yourself of mounds of old junk, then return home with a carful of someone else’s discarded clutter you’ve retrieved from one of the skips.
DI DRESSES ARE ON THE RISE
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WHEN Princess Diana auctioned off 79 dresses in aid of charity in 1997, American businesswoman Ellen Petho bought five of them for $175k.
She sold two of them for $156k in 2014 and, following her death, her family have just auctioned the remaining three for an impressive £1.3million.
Back in ’97, The Sun purchased one of the dresses to give away in a reader competition, and given I was the same age, height and size as Diana – here’s a photo of me modelling the blue velvet and taffeta ballgown.
I can’t remember who won it, but clearly it’s now worth a small fortune.
THAT'LL BE £85 WITHOUT NAOMI
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THIS is supermodel Naomi Campbell showcasing one of the outfits from her new clothing range with fast fashion brand Pretty Little Thing.
READ MORE SUN STORIES
This eye-catching mesh maxi dress will cost you £85.
Unfortunately, the equally eye-catching body that’s modelling it isn’t included.
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