If Sir Alex Ferguson wants to know why young Matthew Monaghan was a failure at Manchester United, he should ask customer ‘care’
Lad's father is still awaiting a response from the Old Trafford legend and thinks it's about time Fergie knew what happened, nearly 30 years later
MATTHEW MONAGHAN never made it big at Manchester United.
He literally lasted a few months. There was a good reason Matthew failed and his stepfather thought, some 30 years later, Sir Alex Ferguson should know it.
So he dropped him an email. Sir Alex still has an office at Old Trafford and is a director of the club, so stepdad Geoff might reasonably have expected to hear back from the great man to a note that said simply: “I think it will answer a question you may have asked yourself so many years ago, the reason you lost what would have been one of your best players.”
A 15-word reply did come back. Not from Sir Alex but from United’s customer care department, which read: “Dear Geoff, We are sorry we are unable to pass on your email. Kind regards.”
Had anybody asked Geoff, he could have told them Matthew had been sexually abused in the junior set-up at Crewe before joining Beckham and the like at United. He turned away from football towards alcohol and obscurity. Who could blame him?
Clearly the word care in United’s customer care department is misplaced.
If they do care, perhaps they will now pass the email on to Sir Alex.
DAVID CAMERON says he was a victim of populism.
No he wasn’t. He was a victim of unpopulism.
His.
Be like Donald, Mrs May
I’M really warming to Donald Trump.
He has ordered his staff to draw up a list of US companies planning to move their production out of America and to set up five-minute calls with each of the chief executives. I’d love to sit in on those calls.
Trump plans to give tax breaks to companies that stay but will impose tariffs on those which don’t. Why doesn’t Mrs May adopt something similar? I am sick and tired of major foreign firms making substantial profits through their UK subsidiary but paying virtually no tax. They think it’s clever. I think it’s unfair and unreasonable.
Why doesn’t Mrs May get her people to draw up a list of the top ten tax avoiders then call their CEOs individually to explain she wants them to pay more, and if they don’t she will impose penalties? That will get their attention.
And while she’s at it, put together a list of companies which have shifted their call centres to Asia – putting thousands of our people out of work – and call up their CEOs to urge them to bring the jobs back home.
After all, it will be something creative for her to do. She can’t spend all day b*****king Boris.
THE charity Age UK claim in their latest PR they want to end Christmas loneliness for the elderly. They don’t seem to mind keeping them poverty-stricken with what they charge for insurance.
Column reader Nigel Boundry emails to say his parents had their home and contents with Age UK for years until the latest renewal came in for £454.
He went on my price comparison site and switched to Hastings Direct for £99.97, saving £354. Perhaps Age UK might explain to me why they are ripping off the very people they are supposed to be protecting. Do send your saving stories (and any Age UK thoughts) to [email protected].
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ANDY MURRAY is being nominated for a knighthood in the New Year’s Honours list.
Clearly deserving but at 29 clearly too young.
Any award should wait for the day he puts down his racket for the last time, plus a grateful nation should give him more than a K.
In due course it should be arise Lord Murray.
What Andy has done for his sport and the country is beyond reward. He’ll deserve his peerage a hundred times more than the collection of political brown-nosers stinking the joint out right now.
Red and buried
IF you want to know why Labour will be wiped out at the next General Election, look at their latest recruit.
His name is Andrew Murray, chief of staff to Unite leader Len McCluskey, but more importantly for the past 40 years a member of the Communist Party.
A former Morning Star journalist and long-time chairman of Stop the War, (I presume that’s any war) Mr Murray is exactly the kind of chap Jeremy Corbyn wants on his side.
Only last year he was quoted as saying that communism was “a society worth working towards”. Like Cuba, Mr Murray? All killing and torture but an excellent health service to patch up the wounds.
At 25 per cent in the polls, Labour are already at Michael Foot levels in 1983. With Mr Murray on board, expect it to go lower. That’s Corbyn ambition.
Unbelievable.
Artfelt tribute
“I’VE just received my print of little Omran and have to say it is wonderful, beautiful and incredibly sad all at the same time. It shall take pride of my place on my wall.”
This tribute comes from reader Kevin Gel, who paid his £35 – via a Just Giving page I set up – for a print of the five-year-old whose house in Aleppo was bombed by Russian jets.
I was so affected by the photo of him looking bewildered and all alone in the back of an ambulance that I commissioned the artist Jolyon Madden to capture Omran’s look and use the prints to raise money for the White Helmets, who pull children from the Syrian rubble every day.
I will do the final totting up in the new year but it looks as though the prints will raise £3,000.
We all lead such lucky lives, so your money will make a big difference to those that don’t.
My Bee-f with Hive
CAN’T get out of the way of those British Gas Hive ads on the radio, boasting: “With Hive you control your home from the phone” for £9 a month.
They claim you can save “up to £150 a year”. I think we know what “up to” means. That £150 will be at the top end, probably a large, detached five-bed house.
My bet is that the average joint would be lucky to save £80 to £100 and since it will cost £108 to have Hive for a year, at best you will bat a draw and at worst lose money.
Surely this can’t be sleight of hand by the nation’s largest energy company.
One for OfScam?
Adele shows the way
ADELE is not only a talent, she has a bloody good brain on her.
And I salute her plan to stop profiteers selling on her concert seats for thousands.
Tickets for her four dates at Wembley next July sold out in 11 minutes.
In no time, sellers were going on Get Me In, Seatwave etc demanding a shocking £6,599 for a ticket costing between £45 and £95. So here is Adele’s solution. Only buyers whose names are printed on tickets – and are carrying ID – are to be guaranteed admission.
And the only way to change the name is to use a site called Twickets, that does not let sellers offer tickets for more than face value.
Adele, you are star.
Currently a lone star, so I’d be grateful if others in the showbiz firmament followed suit.
Spud on the road
POTATO lorry in Rainham, Kent – Caution, driver with a chip on his shoulder.
Food van in Blackpool – Pies The Limit.
Gardening business in Bangor, Co Down – Stan and Laurels. All-female plumbers’ van on the M3 – Girls On Tap.
Thank you for emailing names that fit with jobs.
A doctor in the Department of Sexual Health at Ipswich Hospital – Dr Wankowska (w is pronounced as a v).
Manageress of a dry cleaners in Hoddesdon, Herts – Mrs Staines.
Do keep the punnies AND the names coming to [email protected].