We’re sick of the Tories, but that’s not a good enough reason to make Keir Starmer PM

BORIS JOHNSON and Jeremy frishiCorbyn were identical in one respect – the adoration they inspired in their ­followers.

What true believers we all were!

Yes, the gullible young folk who chanted Jezza’s name at music festivals and dreamed of the socialist paradise that was coming to the UK for the first time in, like, for ever.

But also those of us who credulously listened to Bojo when, like some ageing lothario whispering in the ear of his next young mistress, he promised us bright, sunlit uplands were coming very, very soon. Boris was lucky to face Corbyn at a general election.

Roland Rat would have got an 80-seat majority against a man who ­rhapsodised about Hamas, Hezbollah and the IRA.

But in the bitter, bleary aftermath of those giddy years when millions of us believed things were about to radically change, Johnson and Corbyn share the same legacy.

They both let their disciples down.

And this explains why now the country is sick and tired of 13 years of Tory rule but has no real appetite for a Labour Government.

True, the polls all give Labour a stonking lead but it feels as soft as pink blancmange.

I can see that poll lead melting away in a Westminster moment if Rishi Sunak asked Sir Keir Starmer in a live televised debate if a woman can have a penis.

In fairness to Starmer, he has already pulled off an historic achievement by making a Labour victory look even remotely possible.

Nothing in Britain works

Because Corbyn did a great job at making Labour look as though they would never win another general election — ever!

Starmer changed that. And yes, he campaigned for Corbyn in two elections.

But his purge of Labour’s lunatic left is real — just listen to Corbyn’s hatchet-faced old ally John McDonnell whine about Starmer’s clear-out of the comrades.

But that is not enough to make Starmer our Prime Minister.

And Sunak — for all his decency, intelligence and youth — is lugging behind him 13 years of Tory misrule that have brought us to a point where it feels like nothing in this country works.

After Bojo and Jezza, Sunak and Starmer seem like stable, rational men. I can imagine them playing squash together.

But our dream of things getting better died when the grand promises of Boris and Corbyn were revealed as meaningless sweet nothings.

Is it really any wonder that we grow weary of the lot of them?

GAWD Blimey! EastEnders once attracted 30million viewers but now the stalling soap struggles to cross the million mark.

The BBC’s decision to build the show a new £87million set in Hertfordshire with your licence fee looks increasingly stupid.

EastEnders has always been a grotesque parody of working-class life. Put this travesty out of its misery.

Time to go down the apples and pears, shut up the whelk stall and move out to Essex.

It’s flirty love to Federer and Princess Kate

I WAS in row Z of the Centre Court for the Andy Murray match on Tuesday and even from the back row I could feel the electricity between Roger Federer and Kate as they beamed at each other in the Royal Box.

Reader, I don’t think I have ever seen either of these two icons looking quite so happy.

I swear you could hear them purring from row Z. Mrs Federer did not look so happy, and I imagine that William would have been a tad grumpy if he had been made to play spare Prince at Wimbledon.

Because Roger and Kate looked like Clark Kent and Lois Lane on date night.

If it doesn’t work out with wind and solar power, then we can just plug Federer and Kate into the national grid.

Sparks will surely fly.

’ALLO? I DON’T BYE IT

DID ’Allo ’Allo! lead to Brexit?

Professor Gavin Schaffer of the University of Birmingham says: “Many Britons took ’Allo ’Allo! to their hearts as a light-hearted reflection of European differences that ultimately spoke to the core differences between Britain and her European neighbours.

“Euroscepticism never strayed too far from suspicions rooted in the Second World War.”

But ’Allo ’Allo! – which ran for nine series from 1984 to 1992 – features a sexy French girl from central casting (Vicki Michelle), a heroic French resistance supporter and Germans who are ultimately harmless.

Surely ’Allo ’Allo! was much more likely to get us to vote for Remain?

ZUCKER SUCKERS SO APPY

TWITTER supremo Elon Musk has provoked widespread chucking toys out of prams by introducing a limit to the number of Tweets users can view on the platform every day.

Frankly, anyone who wants to look at thousands of Tweets every day needs to get out of the house a bit more.

It came in the week that Musk’s tech titan rival Mark Zuckerberg launched his own rival app – Threads.

Cue great excitement among the nerd community – although I cannot think of anything the world needs less than another social media platform.

As the old saying goes, life is short – so make sure you spend lots of time arguing with strangers on the internet.

AFTER just about surviving that humiliating rebellion by Wagner mercenaries, Vladimir Putin is mounting a charm offensive.

The sick old butcher is out there posing for selfies with Russian simpletons, pressing the flesh and hugging eight-year-old Raisat Akipova when she visited her kindly old Uncle Mad Bastard in his gilded Moscow bunker.

This charm offensive is shocking because Putin is obsessed with germs and disease, which is why he has always liked to keep the rest of humanity at the far end of a ridiculously long table.

But a week before he was hugging Raisat, 14-year-old Ukrainian twins Yuliya and Anna Aksenchenko were killed while eating pizza in a crowded restaurant in Kramatorsk, Ukraine.

The same Russian missile strike also killed a one-year-old.

This is Putin today.

Hugging children in Russia while murdering them in Ukraine.

BRUCE IS STILL BOSS

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, 73, played for three and a half hours in Hyde Park this week – twice.

He didn’t put only the younger generation to shame. Even the Rolling Stones, seven years his senior, would not have played so well for so long.

Springsteen is unique.

Many rock superstars are cold, distant figures. I saw Van Morrison at the Royal Albert Hall last week.

And he was great – but the audience might as well have not been there. Dylan is the same.

But Bruce wanders the crowd. He takes SELFIES.

He talks about his life, the friends he has lost along the way and the feeling that time is running out.

For all of us.

It was hugely emotional.

Rock gigs don’t usually bring a tear to the eye.

Bruce did.

I’VE A SUELLA IDEA

NHS England reports that nearly eight million hospital appointments were missed last year, with each one costing the NHS an estimated £30.

And so Health Minister ’s revelation that the Government is considering fining no-shows £10 for GP and hospital appointments sounds good – in theory.

But how would it be enforced? This is one of those slick-sounding plans that collapses in the face of the real world.

If someone doesn’t turn up for their GP appointment, surely Suella Braverman should just send them to Rwanda.