I don’t blame Peter Andre for being worried about Princess dating – I treated my kids differently because of their sex
PETER ANDRE is “stressed like you wouldn’t believe” by the news his 15-year-old daughter Princess now has a boyfriend.
I hear you, Pete, I hear you.
On the plus side, I believe that worrying is a sign of good parenting.
And there’s no denying we worry about every twist and turn in our children’s lives.
But wouldn’t it be nice if we could extricate ourselves from the traditional gender norm of the father protecting his daughter’s honour?
Why do we continue to revert to type when it comes to boys and girls?
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Let’s face it, boys don’t generally have to live by the same stringent rules as their female siblings.
They’re afforded greater freedoms, tend to be managed in a considerably less draconian way and are rarely kept on as tight a leash by their parents because, fundamentally, we worry in different ways about them.
Boys, we assume, are bigger and stronger physically and therefore probably more capable of defending themselves. We might even assume they are savvier, braver and less fearful.
They’re supposedly better equipped for the world than those of us of “the weaker sex”. But that’s because we’ve grown them like that.
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Meanwhile, we have a tendency to helicopter around our daughters.
We breathe down their necks, needing to know every detail of where, when and why. It’s nothing short of sexist but it’s also historical, societal and habitual.
As a mother of two girls and two boys, I admit I’ve treated my kids differently because of their sex.
My firstborn was a boy and I know, over the years, I’ve inadvertently given him more flexibility than I did my subsequent girl, for example.
I was considerably more lax about where he went and who with.
As a teenager, he’d be vague at times when I would ask.
He’d just say “friends”, at which point I’d insist on names. But other than that, I trusted him and believed he’d likely be OK.
Culturally, I’d been programmed with some nonsensical belief that all I needed to worry about was that he might fall in with the wrong crowd, become a victim of bullying, or worst of all, get into a fight.
Don’t get me wrong, all of the above was enough to work myself into an anxiety-induced lather but I tried hard to let it go and trust him. He was a strong and sensible lad. But when it comes to my girls, there’s a whole cesspit of other concerns.
Firstly, girls tend to be physically weaker, certainly not always but generally speaking.
So, we fret more about sexual assault, about our girls being exposed to situations they cannot get themselves out of.
We are concerned about them walking home alone at night, being left stranded where someone might take advantage, worry about them falling under the spell of a manipulative male or not being able to defend themselves verbally.
Rightly or wrongly, I simply wouldn’t have had those concerns about my boys. I know it’s wholly unjust but history has taught us that girls are essentially more vulnerable.
But there were other subconscious biases I had, too. When my son first had a permanent girlfriend, I had no issue with her staying overnight.
They were both consenting, near-adults and were in a safe space.
But when I considered the same for my daughters, I felt — I suspect, much like Peter Andre — a bit differently.
I would hazard a guess he has been less strict with his son, Junior, worrying less about him when he started dating than he has about his beloved Princess.
As soon as I realised the rules I meted out to my children differed purely based on their sex, I had a word with myself and promptly decided to level the playing field.
I couldn’t have one rule for the boys and another for the girls.
I’m a feminist, after all. It’s all about equality.
But the unavoidable truth remains we will no doubt continue to worry more, and in different ways, when it comes to our girls.
Some of it is down to biology but also the inconsistent society we’ve created, where it hasn’t been — and still isn’t always — safe for women to walk home alone at night or find themselves alone in a room with a member of the opposite sex.
So, while we bring up our daughters to be alert to all the perils of life as they edge towards adulthood and make them wilful of mind, steadfast of body and tenacious of soul, it is just as important we bring up our young men to behave with respect, consideration and mindfulness.
That way, Peter and I can worry just that little bit less.
Kerry’s the perfect parenting expert
MY lovely friend Kerry Katona was on Good Morning Britain discussing how she deals with online trolling her children might experience.
She was referred to as a “parenting expert” and this, apparently, went viral because, obvs, people are keen to mock a 42-year-old mum of five children by three fathers from three marriages.
Social media can be a cruel mistress. Not for the first time, of course, the Karens and Susans out there are all too quick to point fingers and throw stones.
Except the truth is, Kerry has been an exceptional mum in the face of life’s adversities.
If people would just stop to think for once and consider that maybe, just maybe, someone who has been forced to ride out so much of life’s very worst is actually the right person to ask for advice – because they’ve lived it.
You wouldn’t ask a vegan how to make a Sunday roast, would you?
Be wise on size
SCIENTISTS in New York claim they have found the “best shape” for someone’s breasts.
And it turns out size isn’t everything. Who’d have thought, eh?
In this new study they asked more than 1,000 men and women to score pictures of two dozen pairs of breasts for “attractiveness”.
Life’s a bitch but I guess someone had to do it.
Turns out a moderate-size breast with more volume above the nipple – aka “upper pole fullness” – scored the highest.
Nipples that sat closer together were very popular but size and symmetry were not crucial, apparently.
The top five boobs (I presume they mean pairs) had an average volume of 300 cubic centimetres. (I tried to weigh mine in my teens but broke the scales).
The point is, these were all “natural” breasts, which must surely be hard to find nowadays, when in the US alone around 600,000 women go for breast surgery every year.
But a big round of applause for the lesser-spotted natural boob.
Anyone can have perfect bags of silicone shoved into their chest but not everyone can have one saggy boob or a droopy pair; tiny fried eggs or differently shaped maracas.
This was an interesting study. I’m very much looking forward to the next one, which I’ve been assured is going to be about men’s willies.
But remember, size isn’t everything.
Or so they keep telling me . . .
Olden Globes Award
SO Al Pacino is about to become a dad for the fourth time at the tender age of 83.
Only the other week Robert De Niro became one again at 79.
Much as I admire these two Hollywood legends, that’s just all a bit too weird for me.
To add creepiness to an already unconventional situation, Al’s girlfriend is 29.
I mean, come on – that’s a 54-year age difference.
And the reality is he’s unlikely to see his child grow up. Added to which, his girlfriend, Noor Alfallah, who seems like a pleasant girl, has form.
Only in 2017 she was dating septuagenarian, Mick Jagger. Which begs the question: What attracted you to the world famous, multi-millionaire actor Mr Pacino?
I’m not suggesting their love isn’t one that can transcend a half-century age gap. But in all seriousness that is just a few decades too many for my liking.
Could it be that having a baby with his young girlfriend was Al’s “concession” in their relationship?
Especially in view of the fact he will be 100 by the time the kid graduates.
We’re told Noor has wanted a baby for ages and it was conceived “naturally” because Al “is still very able”.
Well, that’s an image I’ll never be able to erase from my pure mind.
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But in short, guys, just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
Maybe it’s time for these golden oldies to go and have a little lie down and I’ll get someone to come along and spoon-feed them some tepid rice pudding instead.