My pregnant daughter, 17, was murdered by ex who buried her in uncle’s grave – his vile tricks controlled her every move
SHE was a bright, bubbly and opinionated young woman but after meeting her boyfriend, Jayden Parkinson quickly turned into someone her mum barely recognised.
Ben Blakeley seduced teen Jayden, from Didcot, Oxfordshire, before turning violent and controlling.
He isolated her from family and friends, forcing her to urinate in bottles because he wouldn’t let her leave the room.
Blakeley also starved, beat and burned Jayden.
When she tried to break off the relationship and told him she was pregnant, in December 2013, the 22-year-old strangled Jayden, 17, before stuffing her body in a suitcase and burying her in his own uncle’s grave.
Jayden’s mum, Samantha Shrewsbury, 55, said: “Jayden was an impressionable teen when she met Ben.
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"He started coercively controlling her when she lived under my roof but the domestic violence law introduced in 2015 wouldn’t have protected her even if it existed because it only applies to couples who live together.
“Coercive control is incredibly subtle. It starts out with care, attention and flattery but it always turns and by that time it’s too late to get out."
Coercive control was made a criminal offence in 2015 and Samantha has now welcomed a huge change to the law, announced last week, which means abusers can be charged even if they don’t live with their victim.
The removal of the 'living together' requirement from the descriptions of controlling or coercive behaviour offences came into force on April 5.
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It means victims still suffering abuse from an ex-partner or family member they no longer live with are better protected - and the change could help save countless lives.
Samantha, who is a domestic violence campaigner, says: “I know Jayden would still be here if the law existed and had been extended when she was alive. It’s too late for Jayden but might not be for someone else.
“The change in the laws of coercive control to help women who don’t live with their partner is a huge and incredible step in the right direction.
“It will save women like Jayden. The law came in after Jayden died, we didn’t know the name for what was going on then but if we had, maybe things would be different.
“If Jayden had known she could go to the police before they lived together and be taken seriously about how much he was controlling her, maybe she’d have had the courage to do so.”
Inhumane treatment
Jayden was just 14 when she met former binman Blakeley, who was jailed for life in 2014 for her murder.
Samantha says: “They didn’t live together as she was still a child but like a dripping tap, he kept on at her and gradually changed her completely.
“He’d buy her gifts like silver necklaces and things and take her out for meals but then when they lived together, he’d starve her for four days at a time and make her urinate in bottles.
"She didn’t have any money that he could control but he slowly changed her from the beautiful, bright, gobby mare that was my daughter into someone I barely recognised.
When they lived together, he’d starve her for four days at a time and make her urinate in bottles.
Samantha Shrewsbury
“She couldn’t do anything without his say so. He took her mobile phone from her, convincing her all she needed in the world was him and he'd take care of her.
She added: "I knew things were bad because I’d see bruises on her and she’d look exhausted and seem so nervous, jumpy and twitchy but she’d deny anything was wrong and it wasn’t until the inquest into her death that I learned just how inhumanely he’d treated her.”
Isolated from family
Samantha had always been “close” to her daughter but Blakeley, who had a history of violence towards partners, drove them apart.
She says: “Jayden was so under his influence, he controlled every single aspect of her life. We went from being so close to speaking once or twice a month.
"He isolated her from her friends. He isolated her from me, her mum, telling her I didn’t really love her, that I was more interested in my partner Dean than I was in her.
"He convinced her he loved her more than anything and that he knew what was best for her.
“I’d beg her to leave him but she’d tell me everything was fine, but she was my baby. I knew things weren’t fine. If she’d been able to see herself she’d have left but that’s the thing about coercive control, it starts too quietly.
"Ben convinced Jayden he was the only thing she needed and then when she was completely sucked in, he started getting violent with her.
"I genuinely believe she stayed with him because she knew if she left he’d hurt her and me as well. In her mind, staying was protecting me. If she’d known she could leave and be safe she would have.”
Pregnancy
Jayden did try to leave the toxic relationship in November 2013 but was forced to make contact again after discovering she was pregnant with his child.
The brave teen had found emergency accommodation in a domestic violence refuge.
Samantha says: "She knew she wouldn’t be able to keep the baby if she stayed with him. It was like she finally had the strength to leave because of that little blue line.
“The prospect of becoming a mother had switched a light on for her and she wanted a future for her baby that didn’t involve Ben or her past.
"He’d controlled her emotionally, mentally and physically for too long and she wanted to save herself and her baby."
He convinced her to meet and during a heated exchange, Blakeley claimed he was not the father and later threatened to put naked videos and pictures of Jayden online.
She reported this to police, saying in her statement: "I am terrified that he might send them everywhere."
Jayden met Blakeley on December 3, 2013, to discuss her pregnancy. He took here to a remote barn where he beat her and strangled her before burying her in the grave of his uncle, Alan Kennedy, at All Saints' churchyard in Didcot.
Her body was found later that month.
"This sort of behaviour can sometimes get far worse when people separate."
By Sarah Dines, Safeguarding Minister and MP
TRAGICALLY, coercive and controlling behaviour can often lead on to very serious offending and even murder.
And the statistics from domestic homicide reviews are showing us just how much of this unacceptable behaviour there is.
I am delighted as Safeguarding Minister it’s something I can personally do something about, to protect victims and survivors of this sort of abuse.
Like all good laws, they do develop. Part of our system, which is really good, is that we can learn by example and we can slightly change and tweak the law to make it more effective.
When people were thinking about relationships historically, it was focused on people who were married or living together. But now we know society is a lot more complex than that. There are all sorts of relationships.
This sort of behaviour can sometimes get far worse when people separate.
Sometimes it’s more of a flash point. If the relationship breaks down then the one party who is coercively controlling them will try and maintain control of them and that can be through a variety of actions and activities.
We also wanted to cover the circumstances when people have never lived together.
We don’t know the true prevalence of this behaviour. It may be that more people are becoming aware of it and reporting it as a crime.
So when the numbers do go up in regards to reports to the police, I view that as a positive thing. Of course, it’s upsetting but it’s positive in that it gives us a chance to really grapple with the problem.
The more people who come forward, the more we can do about it.
Mum Samantha has campaigned tirelessly since Jayden was murdered, using social media to support other coercively controlled and domestically abused women.
She said: “One of the issues with this law is that unless the victim comes forward it’s incredibly hard to prove coercive control.
“The issue with this type of control is that victims are scared to come forward because they’re so controlled.
"If I’d been able to report his controlling behaviour and coercion to the police and they'd have investigated, maybe Jayden would have been honest with them and confessed how bad things were and been able to get herself to safety.
“The change in cohabitation and living together in this law means a lot but next the police need to broaden who can report it and be taken seriously because these women are controlled so much they’re too scared to - just like Jayden was.
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She added: “My Jayden didn’t feel she could reach out when she was being coercively controlled but anyone in a relationship that cuts you off from friends or family needs to take a long hard look and get out.
“Relationships should be about love, not control."