Why doesn’t Gary Lineker tweet about the rising price of crisps that Walkers blame on Brexit?
Manufacturers make an interesting but questionable argument since the spuds are British and all the crisps are made here
GARY LINEKER spends half his life on Twitter. He’s so busy, for all I know he might even employ somebody to write his tweets for him. I think Wayne Rooney does, as do many showbiz celebs.
My only clue that he might have help was he used the word “dystopian” in a recent tweet. It means an imaginary society that is as dehumanising and unpleasant as possible. Sounds like a Philip Green board meeting.
I don’t know about you but I haven’t heard too much dystopia on Match of the Day lately.
I digress. When Lineker’s not using Twitter to accuse the country of being racist by questioning the ages of the Calais “children” he takes exception to attacks on the High Court judges for their tumultuous Brexit verdict.
There’s hardly a minute goes by that he doesn’t feel it’s his duty (or probably part of his contracts with the BBC, BT Sport or, more importantly, Walkers crisps) to share his thoughts with his followers.
RELATED STORIES
But he has gone quiet on one issue that will affect the shopping bills of many of the families who are persuaded by his TV ads to buy Walkers crisps.
There’s not been a peep from him about the price hike of ten per cent of the crisps in the campaign he has been fronting for the best part of 21 years and which brings him a handy £500,000-a-year.
The dissemblers at Walkers claim the rise is due to Brexit, which is an interesting argument since the spuds are British and all the crisps are made here. They say sterling’s fall has pushed up the cost of packaging, oil and seasoning, all of which I believe.
But by ten per cent? More likely two per cent, don’t you think? Being of the people, Lineker might like to send the following tweet to the CEO at Walkers:
Why are you exploiting hard-up families with a huge price hike by using untrue PR to hide the fact that you want simply to make more money?
I suspect that’s one tweet you will never be seeing from the sly Mr Lineker.
HAVING done my sums it’s very much in the interests of hard-up newspapers to reclaim the libel damages they lost to paedophile police chief Gordon Anglesea some 22 years ago.
As you will know, he was jailed last week for 12 years. He was awarded £375,000, so assuming the legal fees were similar, plus compound interest of eight per cent (the going rate on court claims), the total bill would now be £4,077,405.
That should keep the i going for a week or two.
Loyalty fiasco at Tesco
I HAVE been sent by column reader Mark Burke an astonishing confession by Tesco on how they dream up their car insurance premiums.
For 15 years Mark used Tesco for his insurance until the renewal quote came in for £1,300, so he decided to look around and was staggered to be offered the same cover by Tesco for just £425.
Intensely irritated he complained to Tesco who, to be fair, treated him with great courtesy, understanding his annoyance and offering the following explanation.
A member of their “executive response team” in Glasgow said that for renewals Tesco always use the same underwriter but for new policies the driver information is put out to tender among a number of different underwriters.
So there you have it from Tesco themselves, when there is competition the price will go lower.
So don’t be loyal to any insurance, where the same racket is probably being deployed.
Go to price-switching sites, mine at , Moneysupermarket, GoCompare or whatever, but don’t sit back and take it. You are not Bill Gates.
[boxout featured-image="2130050" intro="I MAY be on to something with my piece in Friday’s column about the intelligence and excellent English of German footballers playing over here."]I was mightily impressed with Manchester City’s Ilkay Gundoganin his post-match interview after the Barcelona game and now hear similar good things from Huddersfield Town, who signed four Germans in the close season.
I am told by fans that the four – Christopher Schindler, Elias Kachunga, Chris Lowe and Michael Hefele – speak great English, are enormously polite and immerse themselves in the Championship club’s charity work when not training.
Throw in the fact that the manager was born in Germany and you will understand why it’s now called Herrdersfield.[/boxout]
Meg's a fun girl
DON’T wish to be a party pooper but the suggestion that the romance of Prince Harry and Suits actress Meghan Markle will go beyond the “fun” stage is absurd.
She’s 35, a divorcee and lives in Los Angeles. He is 32, single, lives in Kensington and when I last looked was fifth in line to the throne. Make a good movie though. Especially the sex scenes.
That’s my main concern. Aren’t our tabloid titans going through dustbins any more?
I long for the days when you’d read about a royal shag before it had happened.
Surely we can’t rely on Putin to supply all the secrets.
WITH the collapse of oil prices, Saudi Arabia has cut the pay of its government workers by 30 to 40 per cent.
If I lived in Jockistan and was employed by the State right now I would be afraid. Very afraid.
Ed's my top guy
HAD some friends round for a Guy Fawkes Night party when I happened to see Ed Balls starting on Strictly Come Dancing. I shouted “Ed’s on” and unbelievably they came rushing in from the kitchen and lapped up his quickstep.
He may have brought nothing but pain as Economic Secretary to the Treasury but he has brought nothing but pleasure to Saturday nights. I hope he wins it.
The others may have the talent but he has the magic.
Clean up, students
I WAS in the Wiltshire village of Malmesbury the other day, staying at the Whatley Manor hotel, where you had to prove you had won a Euromillions rollover at least twice before being deemed wealthy enough to be a guest.
What I didn’t realise was the village was headquarters to Sir James Dyson’s sprawling global empire.
As I learned down at the local, Sir James had a problem: He found it difficult, if not impossible, to find enough engineering graduates to keep pace with his company’s creativity.
But in typical swashbuckling style, Sir James has solved it by setting up at the HQ Britain’s first private university for more than 40 years.
He will pay the students’ tuition fees, plus a salary of up to £16,000-a-year for the four-year course.
The students will work for four days on live projects and spend a day in lectures.
Applicants will need A-level grades of AAB or higher (that leaves me out!) including maths and science. Almost certainly they will have to undertake to stay three years after graduation or pay some money back.
My bet is that the idea of emerging without £30,000 debt plus living in a great part of the country will mean Sir James will be killed in the rush. To the bold go the prizes.
I'm loving your pun-ditry
BUILDER’S van in Sandbach, Cheshire – Mortar Living.
On a stationery delivery van in Greenwich, South London – No Pencils Are Kept In This Van Overnight.
Plumber’s van in Huntingdon, Cambs – The Damp Busters.
Motor repair van in Hyde, Gtr Manchester – Wreck-a-mended.
Builder called Stephen King in Weymouth, Dorset – For all your building solutions and no horror stories.
Dog groomer in Warlingham, Surrey – Hair Off The Dog.
Pie and mash shop in Holborn, central London – For Your Pies Only.
There used to be an Asian restaurant in Crouch End, North London, called the Thaitanic – it went under.
Do send more of these great punnies to [email protected].