I had a threesome with my boyfriend and want to have more – but he doesn’t

DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend suggested a threesome and it turned me on so much I now want more – but he does not.

I’m a woman of 27 and my man is 28. Our sex life had been pretty good — regular, different positions, even a few toys.

So when he suggested we introduce a third person — another woman — I was a bit surprised. If I’m honest, I was also worried, that he needed something more because he was bored of me. 

But when I started to think about it, I found myself warming to the idea. I’d secretly always wondered what sex with another woman would be like and started to see it as a chance to explore that fantasy without cheating.

My boyfriend was chuffed when I came round to the idea, and busied himself by logging on to dating sites to find someone a little bit “naughty”.

He showed me a couple of women he was attracted to and assured me I could have the final pick. That weekend we went out on a date with the woman I chose. We were all flirting with each other and I felt incredibly turned on for the entire evening. 

When we went back to ours, we had an amazing night of sex, although my boyfriend was a little quiet the next day.

I suggested we give the woman another call to arrange a second date but he didn’t want it to become a regular thing.

Since then I’ve found sex with him pretty limited and I’m just fantasising about her. After a month, I came out with it and told him that if he didn’t want any more threesomes, then I wanted to sleep with other women without him.

I tried to explain that I didn’t want it to mean the end of our relationship, but he’s got it into his head that we are over. 

He says it’s inevitable I will fall for someone else, and that he’d only wanted a bit of fun.

DEIDRE SAYS: It is possible for couples to enjoy threesomes and open relationships but, for it to work, both parties need to consent willingly and be clear about each other’s red line. I

t helps if both are self-secure and not jealous. 

Your boyfriend has felt less secure in your relationship since the threesome so unless you can both discuss what really happened for him and reassure him, you have a big decision to make.

Either you agree to focus on a monogamous relationship, or consider if you would be happier finishing it, so that you could enjoy more freedom.

The problem with letting a third person into your relationship and sleeping with them is that such intimacy often leads to emotions coming into play and someone ultimately getting hurt.