Big Breakfast’s Mo Gilligan and AJ Odudu have no talent for live television – and the result is noisy chaos
HAVING spent the best of the morning bellowing her head off at Mo Gilligan, AJ Odudu suddenly cut through the din to set up this very pertinent question.
“Let us know what you think. Mouths open or mouths closed?”
I think firmly closed is best, AJ.
For the next four weeks, or as long as Channel 4 persists with The Big Breakfast which, following a 20-year hiatus, suddenly came back to life at the weekend after the network correctly spotted a gap in the market for a show in the same energetic style as Ant & Dec’s SMTV Live.
The proper way to fill this void would’ve been with a new idea.
Unfortunately, Channel 4 doesn’t have any and is undermined by the same political agenda that’s stifled creativity at all the other major networks, so it’s resurrected The Big Breakfast in Saturday’s 10am to 12:30pm slot which, for the pedants among us, technically makes it The Big Brunch.
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As the rainbow-coloured “WAGWAN” doormat in the opening credits suggests, however, this definitely isn’t the first thing those self-righteous sods at Channel 4 want you to notice about the revamp.
So I’d better get the casting issue out of the way before going any further.
Including hosts AJ and Mo, the new Big Breakfast has six regulars, and five of them, including the compulsory Judi Love, who’s occupied the old Paula Yates role, are black.
The same sort of hypocrites who told you England’s women’s football team were “too white” will think this is a wonderful development, obviously.
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If you want to know exactly how far this commitment to diversity really stretches, though, visit the “meet our directors” section of Channel 4’s own website, where you’ll find 13 of the smuggest faces on the planet.
And every single one of them is white.
It’s a hell of an irony given Channel 4 never bloody stops lecturing the rest of us about inclusion.
However, neither side of the culture war argument would matter a damn if the two new presenters just had the broadcasting talent of Chris Evans or the lightning quick wit and chemistry of Johnny Vaughan with Denise van Outen.
Sadly, they don’t.
Mo’s really likeable, but not funny or quick enough on his feet, while AJ doesn’t look like she wants to share the limelight with anyone and belongs to the “Repeater” school of TV presenting, where they just parrot back what the last person’s said.
Neither has a particular gift for live television, meaning the result, in this noisy atmosphere, is utter chaos.
They forget guests’ names, get the time wrong and then say: “We’ll see you after the break . . . We’re not on a break. There is no break.”
Highlight of the first morning, however, was definitely AJ introducing England players Ella Toone and Alessia Russo with the news: “Some of your team-mates have actually been nominated for The Ball On Door award.”
Johnny Vaughan would’ve built an entire show round that moment.
Mo Gilligan simply muttered: “It’s the Ballon d’Or” and then the din took over again.
Part of the problem here was caused by the fact day one had too many guests and probably too many clueless producers telling everyone to: “Keep the energy high.”
The weird thing was, though, in the middle of all this bedlam, one element shone brightly, and it was, predictably enough, Phil Gayle’s news bulletins, the only bit they cut and pasted from the old show.
They’re word perfect, spin-free and the intros were technically better than anything I saw on the same day from C4 or the BBC, because they simply told you: “There’s more misery today for rail passengers as train drivers at nine companies go on strike.”
It’s a lesson that should be learned by Channel 4’s utterly com- promised News show which, like its comedy and drama, is just one more thing that’s been ruined by a skewed woke agenda.
The same issue will also now prevent The Big Breakfast being as funny and unpredictable as it should be.
If it must continue with the experiment, though, beyond its four-week trial period, I have one tip for roving reporter Harriet Rose that could transform her content.
The microphone goes fuzzy side up.
It's all a bit awks
FOR a couple of glorious minutes there, when Sean Bean’s character Ian started behaving really weirdly at the Alder Tree leisure centre, I thought something was actually going to happen on BBC1’s four-part drama Marriage that would break the cycle of awkward silences.
But no, it was just a link to another long, awkward silence.
Britain’s chin-stroking community loves them, of course, along with hidden tensions, suppressed rage, deeper truths and all those other Marriage details that remind broadsheet journalists of the thing they love more than anything else in the world, themselves.
I’m not entirely immune either, obviously.
But I wouldn’t mind the semblance of proper plot, a theme tune that didn’t make me want to cut off both my ears (“To the side. To the side, to the side”) and the odd laugh to counterbalance Marriage’s exhausting levels of shade.
I’d also like someone other than the badly miscast Sean occupying the role of cringe-mongering husband Ian, who’s so socially awkward Nicola Walker’s Emma sounds like she’s channeling the rage of every single viewer, in episode three, when she shouts: “You’re up to your tits in self pity and actually it’s just annoying.”
A moment which I’d love to tell you is the real catalyst for an exciting drama to break out in the finale.
But the rest is just awkward silence.
- INCIDENTALLY, if Emily Atack’s next reality show boyfriend is Are You The One: UK contestant Cach, is ITVBe not duty bound to make a fly-on-the-wall series called Cach In The Atack?
Unexpected moron in bagging area
TIPPING Point, Ben Shephard: “In the 2018 film First Man Ryan Gosling plays which American astronaut?”
Connor: “Lance Armstrong.”
The Chase: Celebrity Special, Bradley Walsh: “What body part are you said to hold up high if you’re proud and confident?” Fallon Sherrock: “Your arm.”
And Ben Shephard: “The posterior cruciate ligament forms part of which central joint of the human leg?”
Olivia: “Elbow.”
Random irritations
AN actual BBC sports commentator, Leon Taylor, saying: “The divers have had naff all time to adjust.”
Fame-craving smugbucket Amol Rajan becoming the third Cambridge graduate out of three to host University Challenge.
Edinburgh’s bone-brained “free speech” venue The Pleasance cancelling the superb Glaswegian comedian Jerry Sadowitz.
The equally deranged attacks on Sky Sports pundit Graeme Souness for describing Chelsea v Spurs as “a man’s game”.
And Queen Mojo’s introduction failing to clear up the central mystery of this week’s Celebrity Masterchef: “My personality is big and I throw myself into everything.”
Yes, but who the hell are you?
RE: University Challenge If the BBC really is as committed to equality, as it claims, could they stop rigging the entire contest in favour of Oxbridge and limit it to one entry per university, when Amol Rajan takes over?
Sixty years of elitist manipulation seems like long enough.
Great sporting insights
CLINTON MORRISON: “All Maddison needs to do now is take last season’s form into this season. Which he has done.”
Jamie Carragher: “Tottenham have been completely outplayed by Spurs.”
Karen Carney: “The front four of Sterling and Mount have given Spurs no time.”
Mark Hughes: “It was a well-rehearsed move and proves that it’s good to do something off-the-cuff.”
(Compiled by Graham Wray)
EXPERT of the week? This Morning’s vet, Dr Scott Miller, who told a woman with a randy cat: “I’m sorry to say this, but there is such a thing as animal masturbation and what I’d suggest, to stop it happening and make it less enjoyable, is a small spray of water.”
And if that doesn’t work, try aiming the small spray of water at the cat.
TV Gold
BRILLIANT Nicola Walker doing her best with all the silences on BBC1’s Marriage.
Darrell D’Silva stealing Van der Valk’s thunder as Hendrik Davie the pathologist.
BBC2’s very damning but even-handed Afghanistan: Getting Out.
And Chris Eubank’s perfectly timed stint on Celebrity MasterChef, wearing an apron on top of Jodhpurs, a tweed suit and his sheriff’s badge. One day wouldn’t have been enough. Three, he’d have become a pain in the arse. Two was perfect.
Great TV lies and delusions of the month
THE Commonwealth Games, Jermaine Jenas: “It all comes down to rhythmic gymnastics which, trust me, is unmissable.”
Are You The One: UK, Sapphia: “I think I’m beautful and I’m, like, hilarious and if I’m being brutally honest, I think I’m amazing.”
And The Big Breakfast, Denise van Outen to Mo Gilligan and AJ Odudu: “This is one of those shows you’ll just look back on and smile.” :-(
Compare and contrast
THE Last Leg, Friday, Adam Hills: “When this race started, I thought Rishi Sunak might make a good Prime Minister ’cos he seemed to have a sound economic plan.”
What The Last Leg’s Adam Hills actually said at the start of the Prime Ministerial race: “Rishi Sunak wants to fix the economy?
That’s like going to a restaurant, taking a s* in the buffet, leaving a one- star review and saying, ‘There’s a s* in the buffet’.”
So stop playing the “honest broker”, Adam. You’re a left-wing propagandist, nothing more.
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Lookalike of the week
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THIS week’s winner is Celebrity MasterChef’s Nancy Dell’Olio and Rochelle Hillhurst from Human Resources. Sent in by Bailey James.
Picture research: AMY READING